Well..L I F E is always two (2) steps ahead of us, in reality.
We might know where we are headed, what we are destined for...for rest assured that LIFE does.
It's no secret...really... that I have been a little lost.
Many have thought it was some kind of MID-LIFE CRISIS that I had and have been on some sort of downward spiral in the art of finding myself and what I was meant to
- to do.... in my life.
Funny thing is...
- I still live with uncertainty.
- I still struggle with how to go about my days.
- I still find enjoyment when I do go out into the work field filled with this void of missing my family.
I doubt THAT will ever change.
But, in the midst of all the uncertainty...there has been one (1) thing that I do everyday..day in...day out...no matter what.
- I do it when I am sick.
- I do it when I am stressed.
- I do it when I am dog tired and feel like I can't go on...
It sounds crazy, this I know.
Especially from ME.
I mean, I was never all about being a stay at home MOM. I had my...CAREER... in some aspects.
Was it what I wanted for the rest of my life...well looking back in hindsight, NO, but it was something that I never, ever thought I would just GIVE UP and walk away from.
I mean, who does that?
Fourteen (14) years as an Administrative Professional and let's face it...I am DAMN good at it.
BUT, waking up one day and having this amazing...unheard of opportunity to
work from home...having the ability to get my kid on the bus and get my other one ready for the day...well it CHANGES a person. #duh
When that left my grasp and I had to go back out into the scary work world...into a cold, stone building that had those bright florescent lights and people to match the mood...
- I was miserable.
- I did my job great, of course, because this is ME after all and I will not give ANYTHING but my very BEST.
- Well I found clarity.
- I knew what I wanted.
I worked with those same strings that fed my family to find my way.
YES, I met disappointment.
I mean, seven (7) dang classes to my Teaching certificate...
HOW FRUSTRATING... but
and this people, IS TRUTH!
I found Substitute Teaching.
I found a job:
- that was part-time
- that was challenging
- that was creative for me
- that was F U N
- that was exhausting
- that gives me full access to knowing that my children are with me, in a sense, each day.
- I get to pick when, where, and how often I wish to work.
- I get spring break OFF, which is coming up!
- I get SUMMER BREAK with my girls and the really exciting part is that this fall, I will have BOTH my girls with me when I sub!
Right now there are challenges. I am a bit timid and scared. BUT, I am finding my way and enjoying my time O F F so to speak.
The funny thing is, as a FULL TIME working MOM/WIFE...
I have NO IDEA how I got what I got done each day, week, month...because just doing the housework, kids, and laundry/cleaning... KICKS MY BUTT daily!
- I am a MOM.
- I am a WIFE.
- I am HAPPY.
Friday, February 5th, 2016 ~with Kel
- Two days ago, that all of changed.
- Stress re-entered my stress free zone.
Its an ugly four letter word...one that I seem to constantly be running away from.
I am trying to...
- build me
- my brand
- my eBook series
But, when you have the work experience that I have, and the drive I have to succeed... and the motto: No Regrets...it causes more problems than it should.
Substitute teaching is what I am supposed to be doing....except no jobs are available yet.
Then I think about summer...
- being OFF with my kids
- enjoying them
- enjoying life...
Sure, the plan in my head is that the income I make from my brand will cover this gray area...but honestly...WHAT INCOME?
So, here I am..
- on this sunny
- lovely Friday morning
- sitting here looking at my pond in the backyard
- my four year old sitting beside me asking me to play "Can I play ABC Mouse yet, Mom?"
- and honestly, I love THIS life.
CAN I really leave my kids, again?
CAN I go back to the brick and mortar?
Then the question comes...from sensible Kel...
I don't want to jump into something...I feel like the last position was a leap and I was NOT ready and it left me a shell of the person I am.
- I was miserable.
- I was away from my kids.
- I was sad...depressed even.
- I never...NEVER saw my Hubby.
So, for today,
- I am going to back up.
- I am going to stop in my tracks.
- I am going to think.
- Make my list.
- And pray to God to lead the way.