Life at Gray Gables

Are you READY to get Married?

I have been married for a while now (eight long years this year!) and recently came acrossed a list of some things that newly married couples are experiencing and it really got me thinking! I mean, as a mother of 2 young girls, it would be nice to relay some kind of information on when it the right time to settle down in order to have a forever marriage!

How do we know if we are ready to tie the knot, taking the giant leap into Adulthood?

Well, we do have a lot of growing up to do! Our priorities need to shift from wanting to sleep-in late to wanting to sleep in the same bed as someone else.

We’re still embracing our immaturity and that’s okay, but there is a time when we need to grow up and develop some more adult qualities in order to gain entry to life’s later milestones.

Especially if you’re looking to get married, there are some juvenile aspects of your life that you’ll have to give up to be able to move forward with a new person.

Here are the characteristics you need to outgrow before you say “I do.”

1. Lying

People lie because they’re too stupid to recognize that telling the truth is actually the better move. It’s one thing to fib about going to Hooters for an all guys’ night; it’s another to lie blatantly about what happened there.

Either learn to tell the truth or learn how to be single for the rest of your life.

2. Belligerent blacking out

You’ve seen enough “Real World” and "Jersey Shore" to know what happens when you behave like an aggressively drunk cast member — no one likes you. How can you have a wedding if you can’t make it past the cocktail hour?

3. Laziness

Stepping up to do something, whether it’s planning a special date or running out to buy her/him cold medicine, is a huge part of being in a relationship.

You can’t show your significant other your full appreciation by sitting around and letting them do all the work. Man up… because until then, you’re just a child.

4. Facebook posting

It starts with an innocent status update and next thing you know you’re uploading your entire registry on social media. Don’t be that couple who only feels the relationship is legitimate if it’s documented on Facebook.

It’s not high school, you don’t need everyone’s approval before doing something.

5. Depending on mommy

Who are you planning on marrying — your mom or your fiance? If you’re too immature to let go of mommy, you’re probably too immature to get married.

And yes, this includes still listing your parents as emergency contacts. How can you start your own nest when you can’t leave your old one?

6. Your inability to share

Look, I get it. Sometimes I really hate giving up the best bite of a super gooey grilled cheese sandwich, but these are the kinds of sacrifices people make for the ones they love.

…Or they get their lovers their own.

7. Self-importance

Once you stop believing that you are God’s Gift to Man, you’ll have a much easier time compromising on things. When you’re young and on your own you have a greater ability to be selfish.

Marriage, however, is about considering someone else’s needs in conjunction with yours. So start psyching yourself up (read: drinking) for the latest Drew Barrymore rom-com because now there are two people to please on movie night.

8. Frat mentality

Get all that EDM and Sigma Epsilon Pi frat tanks out of your system now because it’s no longer cool post-college (Side note: Was it even cool in college?).

Not being able to cook, dressing like a confused “Save by the Bell” character and bro-ing out with your _____ out, isn’t advancing you towards the marriage material category. We promise you’ll get to revisit your fratiness when you’re married — it will be known as “Poker Night.”

9. Playing games

Since many of us are still unaware of what it truly means to play games, we’re going to break it down very simply for you:

If you have a so-called fear of commitment, you’re probably not ready to get hitched yet. If romance makes you uncomfortable, you’re not ready to get married yet. (What do you think a wedding is like?)

If you have a wandering eye and accept cheating as “something that eventually happens to everyone” then you’re definitely not ready to tie the knot. And, if you like being the heartbreaker in the relationship, just stay away. Stay far, far away.

10. Your ex

How can you devote yourself entirely to your spouse when you still have your ex on your mind?

11. Complaining

Constantly complaining about things only leads to inaction.

You need to grow up, figure out what it is that you want and go after it yourself. Even if you secretly hate her family and friends with a passion, or you just don’t like her uncomfortable mattress — you have to learn to dial back on your grievances.

12. Indecision

If you can’t make a decision on something, how did you ever decide to marry your partner? Maybe try and get over this one first…

13. Snooping

Jealousy doesn’t move you forward, it brings your relationship to a dark and tension-filled place.

Whatever past emotional scars you have, you must let go of them and be able to trust your future spouse — or else why are you even together in the first place?

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This list is so true! Marriage is something that in my world, it is not taken lightly. We waited five long years before even getting engaged! When we decided to take the plunge, we were pretty established already. We had bought our first house together the year before and were living like we were already hitched, just without that piece of paper. After all, it is JUST a piece of paper, a legal document. It is the bond between the two of you that truly makes you "married".

There's a difference between a wedding and a marriage. Make sure you want a husband and a life together, not just a diamond and a party.

My advice has always been- don't get married for the wedding- seriously, it is one- super fast day that is OVER before you can even bat your eyes. It is almost heartbreaking because you plan for months and the looking back, it all happens so quick and then it is just a memory, or an album of pictures! Get married for the bond that marriage represents between you and that person that you have given your whole heart to. That is something that happens over and over again throughout your relationship, that love and the creation of that bond strengthens with each new rock or hurdle that you both overcome together. Hang on to that!

Be ready, this is your life after all and you only get one so make sure it is spent with a person who will make it worthwhile!

~KEL

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson

Challenge Day #27...2 days to GO!

How fast has this challenge been? It seems like it is flying by! I can't believe it has been almost 30 days of staying positive, accountable and working towards the GOAL.

I get to add a day (so I am a day behind- boo!) thanks to a massive migraine and just feeling really terrible all day yesterday. (Summer colds SHOULD NOT exist!)

But, for everyone else... YOUR CHALLENGE today is:

94 sit ups

182 crunches

110s plank

55 pushups

82 Jumping Jacks

60 High Knees

38 Squats

39 Lunges (per leg)

You are ALMOST there! Keep PUSHING! WE GOT THIS! (even if you miss a day- IT IS OK!)

2 days to go- that is it! Let's Do IT!!

How has everyone been doing with meals? Shakeology has really helped me regulate calories in my everyday diet. I have only been doing 1 Shakeo a day- but the results are there! I make sure Lunches are under 300 calories and have been trying to get snacks in- but truth be told, I am a horrible snacker! I just won't do it because a snack to me is chocolate or something like sour patch kids. (it's sad but SO true!) - so I have been steering clear and working with goldfish (reading packages) or peanuts (again, only allowing myself the allotted calories on the package) or rice cakes. (blah, blah, blah) and I often forget! Another good snack that you have to watch is Craisins. I try to get some of these in place of my sweets also!

Remember, Life Style change! This is not just to look good (let's be honest- it won't be GOOD, but it will be Better!) in my swimsuit, but feel better in my body. I only get 1 after all!

Keep doing this, with or without me! (I hope it's with me- I need to be accountable and would love feedback!)

2 more days of this challenge left- LET'S BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND!

~KEL