“If you hate your life, you haven’t seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it’s because your life
is too small and doesn’t fit you.”
–Augusten Burroughs
When I find myself
hopelessly depressed, it’s a feeling similar to the crushing sensation of
claustrophobia.
I feel trapped within
the confines of my own world, as if the walls are slowly closing in around me.
My life feels packed
airtight, with not enough free space to breathe.
When I’m feeling so
deeply stuck in the mud, when I find myself enclosed in the stifling banality
of routine, when I seemed to have lost desire for all that once fueled me – the
only way I’m able to find that coveted little bright light at the end of the
seemingly endless tunnel is to expand my world.
I need to be reminded
I’m but a tiny speck of dust in a colossal universe and the planet is teeming
with stimulating opportunities and electrifying experiences.
When you are consumed
by the pressing negative energy of others, direly cemented in the shackles of
the town where you grew up, alienated and misunderstood at school or ready to
bang your head up against a brick wall every time you so little as thing about
enduring another mundane workday at the dismal job you soulfully hate – the
time has come to make your world BIGGER.
You’ve outgrown your life and are ready to make space for the
shiny zeal of newness:
1.
If you hate
your job, get a new one.
Unless you’ve been blessed with the rare
combination of a massive trust fund and zero ambition, you will spend a massive
portion of your life at your place of employment.
If the contents of your days are spent
pulling your hair out of your head whilst doing tasks you absolutely hate-
you’re on the fast track to a permanent residence in the fiery pits of
depression.
If you loathe your job with ferocious
intensity, something is wrong.
It’s time to make a drastic change, spread
your F* wings and soar through the life-altering journey of a career change.
Starting anew at work is cripplingly
daunting and wildly scary but also madly
exciting.
A six-month (give or take) transitional
period of uncomfortable soul-searching is far superior to a lifetime spent
strapped to a desk soaking in the toxicity of deep unhappiness.
2. If you hate your friends, meet new
people.
Sometimes when you dare to pause and take
in your surroundings; you will come to the realization you have absolutely
nothing in common with your friends anymore.
You discover you and your nearest and
dearest are bound to one another for the wrong reasons, like routine or circumstance
or location.
It’s sad to feel like you’re residing on
the outside of your circle – displaced in a group of friends that once felt
like your family.
There is no feeling lonelier than feeling
isolated and disconnected in a sea of familiar people.
It’s okay to grow out of friendships. While
it’s sad to let go of what was, the beautiful part is this: The world is packed
with a plethora of hyper-fascinating entitles and also seeking real friendship
and connection.
Human beings are eager to meet new, fresh,
like-minded people. Don’t be shy – head to a bar by yourself and strike the
match of conversation.
Get used to going out alone, for the more
fiercely independent a creature you are, the more you are actively throwing
yourself into the mix of new friendship possibilities.
3.
If you hate
where you live, move somewhere new.
You can’t grow when you’re forever tethered
to the place you’ve always lived. You
will become painfully uncomfortable being so comfortable – excessive
restlessness physically hurts.
Refuse to be the person who gives up and
sits on her hands complaining about how unstimulated she is in her environment
when she has all the power in the world to make a change.
Yes, it DOES take work. It takes practicing the tricky art of saving
money and enduring loneliness while in the beginning of your new adventure –
but it’s the ultimate way to widen your world and relieve your depression.
Remember: Nothing is set in stone. Nothing in this gorgeous world is permanent – if you hate your new town or city even more than the one you flew from, you can always move again. And again.
As the wise Joan Didion advises: “You have to pick the place you don’t walk
away from.”
4.
If you hate
your partner, move on.
If your relationship is pulling you into
the ground – cut the cord. Your partner
is solely there to enhance your life and make it better, not more terrible and
bleak.
There seems to be a collective fear of
singleness sweeping acrossed the great expense of our generation – when the
real fear should lie in a life spent with someone who brings you down.
Break free from the codependent mold, and
only attach yourself to those who lift you up.
5.
If you hate
the way you’re treated, don’t stand for it.
The most empowering part of being an adult
is this: You don’t have to accept abuse from anyone ever again.
When we’re kids, we are often trapped in
hopeless situations that are completely out of our control.
As grownups, we have the awesome capability
to stick up for ourselves and leave our abusers choking in the dust of the
past.
If your extended family, coworkers,
friends, lovers or parents are still mistreating you, don’t stand for it.
You are a STRONG, powerful, fully realized
human being with the wherewithal to stick up for yourself and cut out the f* up
energy ruining what could be a beautiful world.
6.
If you hate
the familiar, fly somewhere new.
Nothing will help you regain your lust for
life like traveling.
Getting on a plane and peering down at the
tiny houses and the pint-sized bodies of waters will free you of your apathy
and put it all in perspective.
Tasting exotic flavors, listening to
unfamiliar inflections, hearing new words in strange accents, gallivanting
around strange cities and indulging your eyeballs in brand new sights is like
an electric shock treatment for the soul.
7.
If you hate
feeling pressured, create your own set of standards.
You hit your mid-20s, and suddenly there is
a HEAP of pressure thrown upon you to have the following in place:
A career.
A
relationship.
Economic
stability.
When you don’t have those things by the
time you hit your twenty-seventh birthday, too many people want to crawl into a
little hole deep within the earth, curl up and sleep in the dirt of shame.
Let me let you in on a little secret: It’s
all bulls*. You get to decide the course
of your lfie.
Create your very own customized sets of
standards – ones that are unique and make you genuinely happy. Liberate yourself from the shackles of
societal pressures.
8.
If you hate
being unnoticed, put yourself out there.
Are you fed up with watching life from the
sidelines? Well, then start playing in the game.
Contrary to popular belief, the thrilling
game of life isn’t exclusive to models, moguls and media mega-stars – it’s for
all of us.
So welcome to the big bad world. Dive in with a reckless abandon and never
look back.
“Why the hell wouldn’t you want to be one of
the fabulous people, the life enhancers, the people who look interesting and
smell luscious and who dare to be gorgeously more fascinating than their
neighbor? –Simon Doonan
