Today my Parents celebrate many years of Marriage!
They say that:
A successful marriage isn't the union of two perfect people. Instead, it's that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.
Although both would argue that they are, in fact, perfect! (LOL)
Watching your marriage has helped mold me, within my own marriage, to see what works...and maybe what sometimes doesn't.
My parents have survived a long, successful marriage and are still surviving, which, let's face it, it is not a common thing in today's society, with Divorce being so prevalent and dare I say...EASY?
I am very proud of you both, more than you know and see the love that still lights in both of you, even when you might not.
Here are the Thirty (30) things that my Parents have Taught me (directly and indirectly) about Marriage:
1) Marry someone who loves you AND respects you. This is more important than one can know. It is also something that I hope my girls will understand in their future as well.
2) Marry someone who is of comparable intelligence. This gives you a challenge. My Hubby and I get along almost to well and can (Frozen reference) easily finish each others sentences. I think that my parents can also!
3) A big church wedding doesn’t guarantee a lasting marriage. I remember saying that it was not about the venue, but about the person that I was choosing to spend my life with. My parents did the church thing and that was not really my style, so to my surprise, Mom agreed and we had the wedding and reception at the same venue. But, not losing site of the reason behind the big wedding is the key.
4) When you know, you know. My parents first met in High School, when they were freshman. There were some unfortunate circumstances, like my Dad asking my Mom to a basketball game and her thinking that she was just supposed to drop him off at the game...so that is what she did. I have no idea why he didn't say something to her...but some time passed and they crossed paths again....maybe because they both knew! (or at least that is what we love to think!) The best thing is that I saw my Hubby when I was a freshman, to shy to talk to him, and it wasn't until a few years later that we, too, crossed paths again. When you know...you just know!
5) Sometimes...times will be tough. These are the molding times that challenge your relationship and test you as a person. How you pick yourself back up is the defining moments.
6) Say “I love you” every day. I can remember my parents tell each other “I love you” everyday. They always told my brother and me “I love you” every day too. I make sure that I always tell my Hubby that I love him, as well as my babies!
7) Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith with your spouse. I have seen many leaps within my parents relationship, having remodel after remodel of their homes and I have seen the stress come out and the tears spill, but at the end, the trust was always there that everything would work out.
8) Fight fair, and not in front of the kids. This is something that I hold very near to my values. It is important and it is vital in order for your kids to not repeat your mistakes, which, unfortunately unfold when we are at our worst, right!
10) Forgive your spouse for messing up. This goes hand in hand with #9, am I right?
11) Both spouses should know all vital family and household details. Everyone falls into their own role. My parents both worked full time. We had a good life growing up, but everyone had something that they needed to be responsible for. This plays the same role in my Adulthood, as my Spouse has his role, usually handling the outside duties and I handle the inside duties. We do work together too, because my Dad could cook and my Hubby can too- and sometimes us ladies just need a much deserved break!
12) Spend quality time together. I can remember spending awesome nights with my Grandma and Grandpa growing up. I never looked at it as a night off for my Parents! Now, I understand the value of these "nights off" just to find yourself...as a person and a couple.
13) It’s okay to need alone time. My Dad was a Firefighter, which means that he worked 24 hours and was off 48 hours. I know that those 24 hours were a break for my Mom and not in a bad way. Sometimes we just need US time and there is nothing wrong with that!
14) Support each others career aspirations. Enough said.
15) Parenting is a team sport. It is so important for both parents to be involved and is something that has carried over to my own life.
16) Share affection with your spouse in front of your kids. To this day I will still say: “EW GROSS!” when my parents kiss because I’m immature. And I was genuinely grossed out as a kid when they kissed. But their obvious affection for each other always reassured me of their love for each other.
17) Vacations are a time to relax. Check your stress at the door!
18) Not all married couples will have kids, and that’s okay. I think that this is something that we are learning in this day and age. If my own daughters choose not to have children, hey, it's OK. I want to instill in them that life is short, live it to the fullest. We started our family later and it made our marriage stronger, not less hard, to deal with everything that comes with an expanding family.
19) Not everyone gets married, and that’s okay too. There is nothing wrong with couples who are together, without a piece of paper. For me, the bond of marriage was more than just that piece of paper or the wedding. I hope that my girls will feel as I did, seeing my own parents strong bond through marriage, but if not, that is OK too.
20) You can’t fix your spouse’s bad habits… Fixing someone is not an option, learning to live with them is what is needed.
21) But you can learn to ignore your spouse’s bad habits… I am a cleaner. I will take everything from my kitchen counter and hide it in a drawer...which causes problems for Hubby, who two weeks from now needed that piece of paper...RIGHT NOW. It can be frustrating, for both of us, but it is an understanding that this is the reaction that comes from both sides and to ignore it!
22) And eventually, your spouse may or may not pick up on your good habits. I am still waiting...for the dish in the sink to find it's way to the dishwasher... I think that my Mom can concur with this! ;)
23) Live within–or below–your means. This can be a difficult subject. It really depends on the beholder. We choose to buy what we need, when we need it, or if we have extra money. When times are tough, extras go out the window. We are still learning!
24) Pay attention to the little things. My mom knows the kind of coffee creamer my dad prefers. She will surprise him with the occasional Milky Way candy bar. Dad finally finished Mom's side bar (sorry I have no idea what to call it!). It's the little things that matter the most and that you will ultimately remember.
25) You’re never too old for romance.
26) Marriage really is in sickness and in health . This is something that I am learning, as my Hubby suffers from muscle spasms and what the doctors think is fibromyalgia, not a fun time. He takes meds, he smells of icy hot and I find ice pack trails wherever he may be. I am there for him. I try to understand, although I never will fully understand what it is like to live, day in and day out, dependent on medication to just move, I love him. This is something that I watched within my Parents life when my Mom was dealing with cancer. My Dad had to step up and take care of the house, us kids, and my Mom.
27) Serve each other. It might sounds simple, but whether you are dealing with hard times or good times, it is important to have respect for one another and be there for the other in all things. We all deal with things differently, identifying an issue and cutting your spouse some slack can lessen the tension.
28) Laugh together. I grew up in a joking environment. (Did I mention my Dad was a Firefighter?) My Grandpa would joke all the time. My Dad jokes all the time. I remember laughing alot. I think that I have brought that into my own house, joking with my own Husband and Kids. Hubby and I laugh alot together. Being best friends helps!
29) Talk to your spouse about your day. My parents would rehash their day when my Mom would get home from work and flip on the news. (Yes Mom, I still remember! Turn off Disney, the News is on!) Hubby and I, when we do talk, make sure we ask about the others day (and yes, I admit, sometimes it is by text).
30) Cherish every single wedding anniversary! See! I have watched my Parents celebrate their wedding anniversary every year and go to dinner. That has carried over to my own anniversary. It might just be another day, but it was a great day! #memories
Here is to a great day, filled with lots of love from all of us and many more to come! We love you both so much! Happy Anniversary and Thank You for all you have taught!
