MEET YOUR WRITING GOALS BY KEEPING PROMISES TO YOURSELF

KEEPING THE PROMISES YOU MAKE TO YOURSELF IS A POWERFUL TOOL TO HELP YOU REACH YOUR WRITING GOALS AND BOOST YOUR SELF-WORTH. 

Meet Your Writing Goals by Keeping Promises to Yourself

By: Kel Amstutz

Promises.

They are easy to make... but harder to keep. Especially when they are to yourself.

I mean... it doesn't sound that hard... right?  You make a promise to yourself... and you keep it. Is there really anything more to it than that?

Well... for anyone who has made a promise or promises to themselves and NOT kept them....then you know what kind of struggle you can face.  And more often than not, the things that really trip you up and halt your overall success are not even that obvious.

But, keeping the promises you make to yourself is a really POWERFUL tool that helps you reach your writing goals and boosts your self-worth.

As we continue to go at light speed towards the second half of our year, right now is the perfect time to learn the SECRET RECIPE to help you keep the most important promises of all - the ones to yourself.

When you are armed with this knowledge, you can review your goals and use your promises to stay on task and on track with what you want in your writer's life.

Why are the promises you make to yourself so important?

When life's demands come along, the promises you have made to yourself are often the first ones to fall by the wayside.  You make one excuse... then another... or even worse, you just pretend they aren't even important.

But, this shouldn't be the case at all. A promise to yourself is just as important as any of the others that you make. 

Making and keeping promises is a test of your integrity.

Integrity is doing the right thing in all circumstances, even when no one is watching. In that light, promises to yourself are the ultimate test of your integrity.  They're a measure of the value that you place on your word and your commitments.

The easiest and best way to understand WHY your promises are essential is to think about how you feel when someone breaks a promise they made to you.

You feel disappointed... hurt... betrayed, right. You probably had to process a painful message- that you weren't important enough to keep a promise to.

You send that same powerful and painful message every time you don't keep a commitment to yourself.

By not keeping a promise to yourself, you:

Go against your values of being honest and acting with integrity. Compromise your trust in yourself to keep your word and follow through. Diminish your self-worth and importance.

I know.. it's a lot, right.

You Can Reverse The Negative Toll of Broken Promises

But, you can reverse the negative toll of unkempt promises when you keep the commitments that you make to yourself.

Knowing that you can rely on yourself again to keep these promises to yourself feels great. And, when you start keeping these promises, that is when you will start to see big changes in your progress toward your overall goals.

You will begin to create a self-perpetuating cycle of success.  Keeping your promises to yourself leads to accomplishments, which helps to encourage you to keep more of your promises to yourself. The possibilities are endless in this cycle.

Instead of going against your values and integrity, you are creating a perfect alignment between your words, intentions, and actions. This lets you work with strength and persistence.

You will also find it easier to identify potential problems and weaknesses within yourself and your situations. In turn, it becomes easier to overcome things like resistance and procrastination.

Developing integrity toward yourself also spreads to the world around you. As you trust yourself more, others will begin to trust in you, and you will create positive conditions that support you in achieving your goals.

Making your own promises a priority helps you decide what is important. Your productivity increases, because it is easier to eliminate distractions and improve your focus.

Instead of distrusting yourself, you build up your faith and confidence.  You become a happier person, as you know that you have the power and the ability to make your life better.

Why Do You Break Your Promises?

There is a very surprising reason why we don't keep our own promises... besides not valuing ourselves.

You may think that telling others about your commitment will benefit you in helping you keep your promises to yourself. It's really counter-intuitive though, but turns out that this is often where the problem lies.

By telling others about your intention to do something... it makes you feel as good as when you actually handle the intention... which reduces your motivation to take action and may be why you are not getting things done...and breaking promises to yourself.

In researching this theory, I came acrossed the Self-Completion Theory (Robert Wicklund and Richard Gollwitzer, 1982) and they explain this peculiarity of human behavior in depth. When people have goals relating to their identities and how they perceive themselves, they take part in activities to prove that they are what and who they believe they are. For example, a good parent, an artist, or a writer...

Research shows that our sense of identity completeness - proving who we say we are - increases when we have an audience. Just stating that you intention helps fulfill this sense of identity. And often, that's enough to leave you feeling satisfied... at least temporarily.

So you goals fall to the wayside and you stop before you actually start.

How Do You Guarantee You'll Become a Promise Keeper? 

Now we go back to the Secret Sauce. If you read the blog often... you know that I always find the secret sauce in things! 

The secret sauce recipe for you to succeed requires three (3) things:

1. Realize promises to yourself are IMPORTANT and WORTHY.
2. Make your promises for the RIGHT REASONS.
3. Have a plan when you make your promise and be PURPOSEFUL in your accountability.

When you don't make your promises for the right reasons you become the victim of self-completion's pitfalls.  Make promises to yourself because you find them valuable and you can see how following through will transform your life and make it better.  Don't make promises just because you feel like you should. 

Here's an Example:

Let's say you want to write every day.  Ask yourself what your reasons are for wanting to do this. Is it because this is what other writers do?  Does that mean you should think it's the right thing to do?  Or, do you just genuinely want to use this method to improve your writing and your skills?  If your answer is the second one, you are much more likely to keep your commitments.

Now, I want you to get very specific about how you want this commitment to help you. What aspect of your writing do you want to improve on... Headlines? Storytelling? Grammar?  This step helps you refine your focus.

Once you understand your promise's value and what you specifically hope to gain from it, you can start to develop an action plan and decide how and when you will go about it.

Make sure that you are clear on what the payoff is and how it contributes to your overall goals.


Next I want you to put this RECIPE INTO ACTION. 

Use the steps below as a ROADMAP to help you move forward:

• Make your promises for the RIGHT REASONS.
• Write each promise down. If you don't, it's easy to convince yourself you never really made the promise in the first place. Writing it down seals your commitment.
• Use your promise to take small, but meaningful steps.
• Plan how you will fulfill this promise. Schedule time to work on it, make sure you have the resources you need, set reminders, and know what you you'll do in each session.
• Make it clear and measurable. Know what you're committing to and how it will help you reach your goals and change your life.
• Revisit your promise regularly. You can use a tracking sheet to chart your progress or write about it regularly in your journal. When you do, you can anticipate and work out problems quickly, so you stay on track. 

Accountability. 

After learning about how self-completion sabotages your promise keeping, it's normal to think the best way to keep your promise is to avoid telling anyone about it.

If you are wondering whether you should tell others, the answer is still YES. Choose people that you can trust. Share your commitment and the details of your plans with them, and then ask them to check your progress regularly and keep you accountable for what you've promised.

Enjoy and repeat.  Once you've fulfilled your promise, bask in the satisfaction of having kept it, and repeat these same steps. Before long, you will find our that you are knocking out your goals, changing your life, and creating a cycle of success.

It is amazingly rewarding to change your behavior in ways that also improve your life. It feels even better to know that you can rely on yourself to be your own promise keeper.



There's just a little over half a year left to get going and complete the goals that you set for 2020. But it's not too late. Decide to start with small, but meaningful actions that you can take that will help you begin to reach your goals. Promise yourself (in a meaningful way) that you will stick with them.  When you do, the life and career you have dreamed of and planned for will become a reality.




What strategies do you use to help you keep your promises? 

How do these strategies help you?

Share them in the comments section below.  I would love to hear from you!

MORE CLARITY AND MEANING THROUGH STILLNESS

IN OUR MEDIA-RICH, OVER-STIMULATING SOCIETY, IT'S HARD NOT TO BE EXHAUSTED. THE PRACTICE OF STILLNESS CAN BRING MORE MEANING AND FOCUS TO YOUR WRITER'S LIFE. 

MORE CLARITY AND MEANING THROUGH STILLNESS

By: Kel Amstutz
Friday, March 13, 2020

We live in a world that is noisier and busier than ever, right now.  Social media, a nearly constant stream of notifications from our phones... the 24-hour news cycle (which right now is all about COVID-19), instant access to everyone through text messaging and messenger apps. 

Recent studies are showing that, on average, Americans check their phones every 12 minutes (that is nearly 100 times per day!), and we are spending more than three hours each day staring at those tiny screens...

This sounds crazy, right?  But, it's facts people. I have triple check those numbers, which are growing daily.

So, what does this mean? 

Well, it means that it is harder than it has ever been to turn off your mind and just be still... be quiet. 

But, without that much needed down time, it is absolutely impossible for you to be at your very best.

If you find yourself longing for a more peaceful and meaningful life... it you have a desire to unlock your maximum potential, but you just can't seem to figure out how to get to where you want to be... the answer might lie in that stillness. 

In our media-rich, always-on, over-stimulated, over-scheduled, often-lonely society, it's harder than ever not to be exhausted - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.  And, doing those great things you want to do... you feel like you need to do... well, there rare when you are just down right exhausted! 

So... What can you do about it?

A few year ago, I discovered a disciplined practice, in one form or another, derived from all the greatest, wisest creatives, thinkers, and religious philosophers in our history - from the Stoics to the Buddhists, from Confucianism to Christianity. 

It's an ancient art... of slowing things down and quieting the mind, so you can be still... and, in that stillness, "see" clearly...

Stillness is the practice of simply being. 

The idea is rather simple, but it takes great discipline to achieve it.

I have found that the practice of Stillness come from routine and rituals.  To dig deeper, you must fight temptations... and strengthen your soul from such temptations.  This is the key to being about to be better at whatever and anything you do.

Think about it. Too often being still is confused with being idle or ambivalent. But, I've found that  being still is actually a key skill on the path of self-mastery, discipline, and focus. Being still helps you stay on the path. 

Stillness is what fuels creativity and inspires new and fresh ideas.  It is the foundation for becoming the master of one's own life.  Stillness makes space for presence and gratitude.  It allows you to succeed at your main thing. It is... the key. 

The key to being better... a better writer... a better human... a better parent... a better artist and helps unlock your full, true potential. 

 

I am a little hesitate to "tell" you how to practice Stillness.  It is something that I am still learning. It is the practice of just be yourself.  But, perhaps that is the value I can bring to you... as someone on the same journey of learning to find Stillness, to find the focus to be present... to find clarity. 

The techniques that I have found and use to practice my 20 minutes of Stillness each day come from tips and tricks I have read about, even blogged about previously in my posts. They are to: 

• Set a Time Each Day. Schedule this time. I put my Stillness time on my calendar as an appointment to ensure that nothing else can invade that time slot.  My time for Stillness is previous to me, it is a time that I schedule before I go to sleep at night, to quiet my soul and set my intentions, finding my clarity to ensure that I am able to keep the main thing... the main thing. 

I end my day with my Stillness, after I have completed my habits... my journaling, my creative writing... my stretching. 

I very briefly quiet my mind and find a few moments of Stillness before I lay my head on my pillow.  Then, I am able to end my day with peace.  

• Find a Place to Connect Your Mind, Body, and Spirit.  To be truly still, you must be physically still, your mind must be quiet, and you must feel at ease with yourself and the world.

For me, that is the easiest to achieve when I am getting ready for bed. I simply get comfortable. I connect with my surroundings by using my Himalayan salt lamp, my calm oil simmering, surrounded by nothing but quiet. This allows my mind to become quiet just before I end my day. This has the wonderful effect of connecting my energy with the energy of the sleep that I am about to embark upon. This is my quiet spot that has the right vibe that I am seeking. The main thing for me is to be in a place where I am not interrupted. 

For your Stillness practice, you just need to find a spot where you won't be interrupted, at a time when you can really focus and connect with yourself. 

• Set a Time. At this point, some advocate setting aside 15 minutes a day. Early in my practice, I didn't have an extra 15 minutes, especially when my kids were younger.  I started with just five minute stretches. That was enough to get me in my zone. Now a-days, I have some extra free time before I go to sleep, with my girls being a bit older and less needy and I can be still for 20 minutes. That is a good fit for me at this point in my life, but what is right for you will undoubtedly be different. 

One factor to keep in mind... it is surprising how the perception of this time can change from day to day. Some days 20 minutes seems like forever, but on other days, it goes by almost too quickly. 

I set a time to make sure I spend the intended amount of time in Stillness... and to make sure I don't get lost in being still and end up missing my bedtime altogether. 

• Relax Your Body. As I noted above, I prefer to sit in my bedroom, closing my eyes, I have even incorporated crystals to help myself have a physical connect to Earth.  You might prefer to sit in nature, or in a soft, comfortable chair with your eyes closed. To each their own.  The most important thing is to be in a place where you can truly relax. 

Relax your body deliberately.  Pay attention to your muscle tension and it's release.  Then, become physically and mentally quiet.  If being still is difficult at first, try to engage in any mindless physical activity, like rocking in a chair or watching something in its natural motion- like a fire or perhaps running water. 

To assist with the physical relaxation and mental quiet, I have used a recording of the ocean.  Listening to the natural sounds has helped to aid in finding mental Stillness in me.  Try falling rain, a thunderstorm... whatever helps you attain a state of relaxation. 

• Quiet Your Mind.  This will likely be the biggest of your challenges.  It was for me. It is very common for me to achieve a moment of mental Stillness and then I have some random thought (or several...) and get off track.  Don't worry about it when this happens.  Just recognize it and then return to your Stillness.  The more that you practice... the longer you will be able to hold your mind in a place of Stillness.
• Be Present.  I don't mean just physically present. When I say, "Be Present," I mean be aware, mindful, in the moment.  Don't think about the past regrets you might have. Don't think about your hopes and dreams in the future. Instead, collect your thoughts and be present - in the current moment. It is the most important time that you have. In fact, it is the only time you have.
• Learn to Focus You Mind and Feel the Moments (to Return).  This might be the most helpful component of being still.  What I am talking about here is learning to recall a "place or time of peace." To recall a mental picture of experience where you achieved a particularly vivid experience of peace and stillness.

For me, I go back to the time I spent lying on the beach in Oahu and being in a perfect state of Stillness as the sun beat down on me, warming my soul and the sound of the ocean surrounded my whole being.  

These profound moments give you a way to bring peace and calm forward, during your Stillness practice, or at any time you need to, really.

I resisted Stillness for the longest time, sticking to my belief that being Still was just a waste of time.  I was so wrong. 

The busier, noisier, more hectic my life became, the most I realized how important it is that you make the time to just be still.  It will help you rest better. It will help you stave off that dreadful burnout. It will help you focus on the things you want to achieve and help you put your best effort into whatever you are doing at any given moment. 

Even if you can only start off with five minutes a day - DO IT! 

You will soon see the difference it will make on your life and you will be so glad that you did.

With a Stillness practice, it will not matter how tough yesterday was, or how difficult today is looking to be. When you are at peace, full peace with yourself, you will find focus, clarity, and the meaning behind the tasks before you. And, everything you do will be that much easier, that much better, that much more joyful... because of it!