MORE CLARITY AND MEANING THROUGH STILLNESS

IN OUR MEDIA-RICH, OVER-STIMULATING SOCIETY, IT'S HARD NOT TO BE EXHAUSTED. THE PRACTICE OF STILLNESS CAN BRING MORE MEANING AND FOCUS TO YOUR WRITER'S LIFE. 

MORE CLARITY AND MEANING THROUGH STILLNESS

By: Kel Amstutz
Friday, March 13, 2020

We live in a world that is noisier and busier than ever, right now.  Social media, a nearly constant stream of notifications from our phones... the 24-hour news cycle (which right now is all about COVID-19), instant access to everyone through text messaging and messenger apps. 

Recent studies are showing that, on average, Americans check their phones every 12 minutes (that is nearly 100 times per day!), and we are spending more than three hours each day staring at those tiny screens...

This sounds crazy, right?  But, it's facts people. I have triple check those numbers, which are growing daily.

So, what does this mean? 

Well, it means that it is harder than it has ever been to turn off your mind and just be still... be quiet. 

But, without that much needed down time, it is absolutely impossible for you to be at your very best.

If you find yourself longing for a more peaceful and meaningful life... it you have a desire to unlock your maximum potential, but you just can't seem to figure out how to get to where you want to be... the answer might lie in that stillness. 

In our media-rich, always-on, over-stimulated, over-scheduled, often-lonely society, it's harder than ever not to be exhausted - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.  And, doing those great things you want to do... you feel like you need to do... well, there rare when you are just down right exhausted! 

So... What can you do about it?

A few year ago, I discovered a disciplined practice, in one form or another, derived from all the greatest, wisest creatives, thinkers, and religious philosophers in our history - from the Stoics to the Buddhists, from Confucianism to Christianity. 

It's an ancient art... of slowing things down and quieting the mind, so you can be still... and, in that stillness, "see" clearly...

Stillness is the practice of simply being. 

The idea is rather simple, but it takes great discipline to achieve it.

I have found that the practice of Stillness come from routine and rituals.  To dig deeper, you must fight temptations... and strengthen your soul from such temptations.  This is the key to being about to be better at whatever and anything you do.

Think about it. Too often being still is confused with being idle or ambivalent. But, I've found that  being still is actually a key skill on the path of self-mastery, discipline, and focus. Being still helps you stay on the path. 

Stillness is what fuels creativity and inspires new and fresh ideas.  It is the foundation for becoming the master of one's own life.  Stillness makes space for presence and gratitude.  It allows you to succeed at your main thing. It is... the key. 

The key to being better... a better writer... a better human... a better parent... a better artist and helps unlock your full, true potential. 

 

I am a little hesitate to "tell" you how to practice Stillness.  It is something that I am still learning. It is the practice of just be yourself.  But, perhaps that is the value I can bring to you... as someone on the same journey of learning to find Stillness, to find the focus to be present... to find clarity. 

The techniques that I have found and use to practice my 20 minutes of Stillness each day come from tips and tricks I have read about, even blogged about previously in my posts. They are to: 

• Set a Time Each Day. Schedule this time. I put my Stillness time on my calendar as an appointment to ensure that nothing else can invade that time slot.  My time for Stillness is previous to me, it is a time that I schedule before I go to sleep at night, to quiet my soul and set my intentions, finding my clarity to ensure that I am able to keep the main thing... the main thing. 

I end my day with my Stillness, after I have completed my habits... my journaling, my creative writing... my stretching. 

I very briefly quiet my mind and find a few moments of Stillness before I lay my head on my pillow.  Then, I am able to end my day with peace.  

• Find a Place to Connect Your Mind, Body, and Spirit.  To be truly still, you must be physically still, your mind must be quiet, and you must feel at ease with yourself and the world.

For me, that is the easiest to achieve when I am getting ready for bed. I simply get comfortable. I connect with my surroundings by using my Himalayan salt lamp, my calm oil simmering, surrounded by nothing but quiet. This allows my mind to become quiet just before I end my day. This has the wonderful effect of connecting my energy with the energy of the sleep that I am about to embark upon. This is my quiet spot that has the right vibe that I am seeking. The main thing for me is to be in a place where I am not interrupted. 

For your Stillness practice, you just need to find a spot where you won't be interrupted, at a time when you can really focus and connect with yourself. 

• Set a Time. At this point, some advocate setting aside 15 minutes a day. Early in my practice, I didn't have an extra 15 minutes, especially when my kids were younger.  I started with just five minute stretches. That was enough to get me in my zone. Now a-days, I have some extra free time before I go to sleep, with my girls being a bit older and less needy and I can be still for 20 minutes. That is a good fit for me at this point in my life, but what is right for you will undoubtedly be different. 

One factor to keep in mind... it is surprising how the perception of this time can change from day to day. Some days 20 minutes seems like forever, but on other days, it goes by almost too quickly. 

I set a time to make sure I spend the intended amount of time in Stillness... and to make sure I don't get lost in being still and end up missing my bedtime altogether. 

• Relax Your Body. As I noted above, I prefer to sit in my bedroom, closing my eyes, I have even incorporated crystals to help myself have a physical connect to Earth.  You might prefer to sit in nature, or in a soft, comfortable chair with your eyes closed. To each their own.  The most important thing is to be in a place where you can truly relax. 

Relax your body deliberately.  Pay attention to your muscle tension and it's release.  Then, become physically and mentally quiet.  If being still is difficult at first, try to engage in any mindless physical activity, like rocking in a chair or watching something in its natural motion- like a fire or perhaps running water. 

To assist with the physical relaxation and mental quiet, I have used a recording of the ocean.  Listening to the natural sounds has helped to aid in finding mental Stillness in me.  Try falling rain, a thunderstorm... whatever helps you attain a state of relaxation. 

• Quiet Your Mind.  This will likely be the biggest of your challenges.  It was for me. It is very common for me to achieve a moment of mental Stillness and then I have some random thought (or several...) and get off track.  Don't worry about it when this happens.  Just recognize it and then return to your Stillness.  The more that you practice... the longer you will be able to hold your mind in a place of Stillness.
• Be Present.  I don't mean just physically present. When I say, "Be Present," I mean be aware, mindful, in the moment.  Don't think about the past regrets you might have. Don't think about your hopes and dreams in the future. Instead, collect your thoughts and be present - in the current moment. It is the most important time that you have. In fact, it is the only time you have.
• Learn to Focus You Mind and Feel the Moments (to Return).  This might be the most helpful component of being still.  What I am talking about here is learning to recall a "place or time of peace." To recall a mental picture of experience where you achieved a particularly vivid experience of peace and stillness.

For me, I go back to the time I spent lying on the beach in Oahu and being in a perfect state of Stillness as the sun beat down on me, warming my soul and the sound of the ocean surrounded my whole being.  

These profound moments give you a way to bring peace and calm forward, during your Stillness practice, or at any time you need to, really.

I resisted Stillness for the longest time, sticking to my belief that being Still was just a waste of time.  I was so wrong. 

The busier, noisier, more hectic my life became, the most I realized how important it is that you make the time to just be still.  It will help you rest better. It will help you stave off that dreadful burnout. It will help you focus on the things you want to achieve and help you put your best effort into whatever you are doing at any given moment. 

Even if you can only start off with five minutes a day - DO IT! 

You will soon see the difference it will make on your life and you will be so glad that you did.

With a Stillness practice, it will not matter how tough yesterday was, or how difficult today is looking to be. When you are at peace, full peace with yourself, you will find focus, clarity, and the meaning behind the tasks before you. And, everything you do will be that much easier, that much better, that much more joyful... because of it!

HOW TO BUILD A NEW HABIT... AND MAKE IT STICK... FOR GOOD!

GOOD HABITS CAN HELP YOU BE MORE PRODUCTIVE, BUT HOW DO YOU BUILD A NEW HABIT AND MAKE IT STICK? USE THESE FOUR (4) TRICKS TO HELP YOU BUILD LONG-TERM HABITS!

How to Build a New Habit ... and Make It Stick... for Good! 

By: Kel Amstutz
Wednesday, March 11, 2020

I have tried... time and time again... building a lot of new and different habits over the years.  Good habits, obviously.  Habits that I had hoped would help me strengthen my business, improve my health, and enjoy a more rewarding day-to-day experience.

A few of those daily habits I have worked on to develop and expand include:

• Stretching
• Creative writing
• Taking walks after dinner
• Writing poetry
• Keeping up with the house work
• Blogging
• Networking
• Journaling
• Crafting

I could probably double that list if I have it some more thought.

Some of these habits have stuck.  And, let's be honest... some haven't.


One of the most obvious reasons they haven't all stuck is that there are too many of them.  I have about five hours of daily habits listed there. Add in a four- to six- hour work day and then time to eat, and... well.. you can see that things start to get pretty crowded.

But it's interesting to see which habits have stuck and how long they have stuck around for.

For example. I've kept a daily journal for a full month - multiple times - and I enjoy doing it when I am in the zone... but not enough to stick with it indefinitely. Journaling, for me, is a short-term experiment that I engage in periodically, usually when life has got me down, more so than taking it on as a full-fledged habit.

I also spend a half-an-hour stretching each and every morning... and I have been doing that every day for about two years now. (We won't say it's because I am getting old and my bones need adjusting in the morning! LOL)

Writing poetry has always been a passion of mine and when I think about writing a poem a day... well, it sounds great, but have I ever been able to do this... sadly, no. 

However, I do try to creatively write every day for at least 45 minutes to an hour. I'm not quite as reliable with this as I am with stretching... but I do okay.

So, what makes a habit stick?

Having tried on a variety of habits for size with different degrees of success, I have a pretty good idea or assumption of why some habits take... and others just don't.

THEY MUST HAVE A COMPELLING PURPOSE AND AN OBVIOUS BENEFIT

If you want to turn something into a long-term habit, you need to have a compelling purpose behind WHY you're doing it. And because someone recommended it in their blog... well, it just doesn't cut it.

It does help to have a handle on what compels your purpose before you actually decide to implement a habit, but it isn't a requirement.  Sometimes the compelling purpose becomes clear after you have done something for a while.

That is how stretching has been for me. I didn't set out to make a habit out of stretching daily. Instead I fell and the result of being hurt, the stretching was ordered by the doctor to ease the aches and pains, and turned into a daily habit to keep those aches and pains at bay. Beyond that, my morning stretches started to help me feel more alert... helped me feel like I was starting my day off with a little more pep in my step... and I just really liked it.

And then, the kicker.  For a week, I decided I could use that block of time for getting things done around the house before getting kids up for school and running out the door to work. So I started to skip my morning stretches.  In no time at all, I was tired, cranky and not to mention so sore I could barely move.  I immediately went back to my morning stretches and once again found myself in a better mood... and with a happier body. 

That was my compelling purpose.  Stretching is a habit that has stuck, because I feel better and work better when I do it.

Journaling, on the other hand, is something that I just simply enjoy.  But, unlike many people who find journaling to be life-changing in a positive way... I really can't say that I notice that much of a difference when I journal versus when I don't.  My purpose behind journaling (when I sit down and do it) is usually that I read something recently about how amazing it is for creativity and mental health.  So I do it for a bit, and it's all fine... but there's not enough impact in it for me to form a compelling purpose.

So, when you start out to build a new habit, think about your purpose behind why you are doing it.

Ask yourself:

•  What benefit do you hope to gain? 

Then pay attention to whether or not it's fulfilling that intended purpose and delivering the desired benefit.

If it is and you recognize that it is, keeping it as a habit will become easy.  If it's not - and you have honestly given it time to deliver - then consider dropping it to make room for a different habit that may have a better result.

THE COST OF NOT DOING IT

A clear purpose and an obvious benefit will go a long way towards helping you stick to your new habit.

But what really cements it is the cost of not doing it.

A habit that is going to stick has a definite, noticeable impact when you don't do it.

For me, creative writing is like that.  If I don't make time to write creatively almost daily, my self-esteem takes a direct hit - I like myself better when I am diving into my writing as opposed to when I am not writing.  My creativity slips.  And I feel out of sorts. I don't get depressed... or sad.  I just feel like something if off.

But, when I'm writing every day - or even every other day - my work goes so much better, I get into the flow of my projects easier, I come up with ideas faster, I feel more energetic, and comfortable in my own skin. 

The cost of not writing is high. And it doesn't take long for me to notice when I am neglecting that habit.

On the other hand, another creative outlet - crafting, or mostly painting - just doesn't have quite the same effect on me.  I enjoy crafting, and I never regret having made time to do it. But, if I don't make the time for it... well, I don't feel any kind of negative impact.  So it doesn't stick as a habit in the same way daily writing does for me. 

MAKING THE TIME

So far, we have been talking about what makes a habit.... STICK.

But even if everything is in place for a new behavior to become a habit, you still need to get it to the point of being an actual habit.

I've found a few things that make the biggest difference when it comes to giving a new habit the best chance of sticking.  The first is to be realistic about the time commitment.

Maybe the new habit you're looking at forming will only take 10 minutes out of your morning.  That doesn't sound like a big deal. But if your mornings are already rushed, how likely are you to find that extra ten minutes?

This could mean that you will have to wake up even earlier... or cut out some of your other morning activities... or delegate something to someone else.  Is that something you'll be able to do and stick with?

If you can't clearly see how to make time for a new habit, chances are you won't stay with it long enough to realize the obvious benefit and feel the cost of not doing it.

USING EFFECTIVE TRIGGERS

Besides having enough time to dedicate to your new habit, the next obstacle is remembering to do what you want to do when you want to do it.

How many times have you decided to make something a habit, only to get to the end of the day and realize as you're falling asleep that... well... you forgot all about it, let alone doing it?

Setting a reminder on your Smartphone is one way around this, and it works really well for some people. For me... well, let's just say that I am really good at ignoring reminders on my phone!

What has worked well for me is connecting my desired new habit with an event to help me remember.  So, for stretching, my connection is breakfast. Right after breakfast, I transition into my morning stretches.  For creative writing, my connection is the end of my work day. After I complete all my work for the day, I sit down with my computer, or tablet, or sometimes even my notebook and I write.  For going for a walk, I connect this with when dinner is over.


Once you set these internal reminders up, you will have to be deliberate about it the first few times. But after a week or two, your brain will start to automatically transition into your new habit before you even realize what you're doing.

I have found that these habits are now ingrained in my subconscious.

Developing positive habits can have a huge impact on your business, your health, and your overall outlook on life.  When you choose the right habits - the ones that have a clear purpose and an obvious benefit - and then make the time to do them and tie them to a trigger, you will set yourself up for success.

What about you?

What strategies do you use to develop positive habits and make them stick?

I would love to hear more about it in the comments below!