I knew this day would come, didn't I?
The day when my incredible cute, innocent, witty and to smart for her own good, daughter would ask the questions that I really did not want to answer at this AGE.
It was a sunny afternoon. She had completed day #2 of Safety City, got to spend some time at home with just Mom and Dad before we had to go get sissy. I loaded her into the car to make the 20 + minute drive to get my little one and we were cruising along when, out of the quiet backseat the question echos through the plush gray interior of the SUV.
"Mom, why isn't Uncle Tony married?"
Thinking on my feet (which in this case was the ONLY way to handle the shock that was ensuing through me!)
"Well, not everyone has to get married and it is kind of a complicated thing that we will be sure to talk about when you are older." Up until TODAY, this explanation had done fine, but not today. Of course not, right!
Today I got the song and dance act, "Mom, I am older, tell me, please, tell me now!"
Um, no is my GUT reaction. I will NOT tell her that Uncle Tony is living an alternative lifestyle. In no way am I ashamed or embarrassed, but does a 5 year old, who is not around her Uncle Tony but maybe once a year, and does not know his partner- need to know his life? I mean, I could tell her that Uncle Tony is engaged to Cliff- in which I am certain I would get a weird look and a "Mom, Cliff is not a girl's name." Again, innocence is bliss.
Instead, I took the high road. "Uncle Tony doesn't have to be married to be happy." Then, after a minute where my words were registering in my sweet girls head, "But You and Daddy are married and your Happy, so why doesn't Uncle Tony get married and be happy married like he is Happy not married?" Ahh.. Good Argument child!
Ugh, it is a sticky situation and after a lot of grumbles from her, and a lot of me telling her we would talk about all that when she gets older, she finally had one final thing to say: "I am getting married, Mom and I will be happy." Simply put and she had dropped it.
How would you handle this? How do you think I handled this?
I am not sure if I handled this right, or if there was a better way, but I feel like, do I really need to educate my kid at 5? I don't think that she would comprehend- although maybe that is me not giving her enough credit! It is a hot topic and with the off the wall questions that I do get from this kid, it would weight heavy on her mind. (excuses, excuses, right!)
I think that I am going to address this with my Brother, Uncle Tony himself! See what his feedback is. We are very open about everything. He is living his life, in Sunny Cali and with a partner who fits in well with our family. All I asked of him is to find happiness and that, it seems, he has! I find nothing wrong with the way he lives his life- but it does pose the questions of when to inform the kids. The kicker is that Uncle Tony just visited in March (I think?) and whenever he does visit, it is always alone- which makes my kiddos think that he lives all by himself. The questions have not ever came up until the other day. (They adore Uncle Tony!)
This parenting thing is not as easy as it might seem! Some subjects can easily get swept under the rug but some subjects just do not go away. (Death was a tough one for my 5 year old and we still have bouts of tears every once in a while as she talks about how much she misses her Grandma Lucy- whom she has never met, but we do discuss her a lot.)
#itstoughbeingakid
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| Marriage Equality for Kids: The True Story of Central Park Zoos Gay Penguin Family, Illustrated | Brain Pickings |
P.S. - I did find this book- which I think we are going to introduce soon:
Feedback welcomed!
Thanks everyone
~KEL
