Day 21: Forgive yourself when you MESS up

MISTAKES makes us HUMAN. 

FAILURE makes us STRONGER.  

HOPE keeps us GOING.

Have you even seen that list... You know the one I am talking about...The one that says something about the "Mistakes Parents Make" list.  Have you ever read such a list?  How about something you JUST MESSED UP?  

After reading said lists, I feel like I have messed up a lot.  

It is OK, isn't it?  I mean, we ALL make mistakes sometimes, don't we?  

A wise person always told me, growing up, that Mistakes are OK, as long as you LEARN from them.  I think that this statement has been one of a few that has always stuck with me.  The only problem is, parenting is not the place I want to make my mistakes.. But, there isn't a manual, so who knows what the outcome could be. (not that this makes it ANY better!)

I have made awful mistakes with discipline.  It has been about finding WHAT works with our kids and it is tough!  I know that discipline is necessary to set up boundaries and sticking to that set discipline is a requirement, but I also like to play fair and hear my kids out.  I like to know the WHY. Why did my kid make that decision?  What was driving her?  I understand that she makes mistakes too!  We all do!  But how do we move forward from that? 

As a Mom, when you make a mistake, how do you move on?  

I take a time out.  I mean, I make my kids do them..shouldn't I have the same punishment?  I talk to my kids and apologize for my actions.  I then let it go!  I tell myself that I will learn and not make this mistake again and I move on.  

Yes, it stinks but it happens. 

Here are 9 COMMON Mistakes that Parents make:

(adapted from parents.com)

1) Don't worship your kids.  Children were made to be loved...not worshiped. 

2) Don't believe that your kid is PERFECT. Parents who don't want to hear anything negative about their kids, but if a behavior problem is going on and Parents are reluctant to hear, or defensive, they would hurt their child long term, as it can become a part of their identity.

3) Don't live through your children.  If we are overly involved and invested in our kids lives it gets hard to see where they end and we begin. This can cause our kids to be about us, NOT THEM. 

4) Don't try to be your kids BFF.  As a Parent, we have to do the hard things that we don't want to, but it is part of our Job in being the best Parent we can be to our kids growth.  If you are doing your job right, your kids are going to get mad at you, roll their eye and groan at you. 

5) Don't forget about what it is like to be a child.  Childhood is so fast, especially in today's time. Let them explore, discover and play. 

6) Don't raise the child  you want...and forget about the kid you have.  It is hard to look past this image you have in your head of HOW your child is supposed to be, act, say and do.  But, I guarantee that if you put on your blinders to that image you will see the pretty awesome kid you actually HAVE. Let them be themselves and sit back and enjoy it.

7) Don't forget that what you do means more than what you say.  I say that I don't eat chocolate, then, after they go to bed, that big bowl of Halloween candy starts to miss some of the great, chocolaty three musketeer bars.. Then I get caught.  "But Mom, I thought you didn't eat chocolate."  there it is...I am busted.  of course I EAT CHOCOLATE..who doesn't eat chocolate.  But I lied... this is where it gets hairy because I don't want my kids to lie but when they do, this reference comes back into play... "But Mom, you lied when you said you didn't eat chocolate."  EAT YOUR WORDS MOM!  

By the way, I live an open, honest life, so I have never told my kids this crazy chocolate reference.  

8) Don't Judge other Parents...or their children..  No matter how much we disagree with someones parenting style, it's not our place to judge. Nobody in this world is "all good" or "all bad"; we're all a mix of both, a community of sinners struggling with different demons.

Personally, I tend to cut other parents more slack when I'm going through hard spells. When my child is testing me, I'm compassionate to parents in the same boat. When my life is overwhelming, I'm forgiving of others who slip up and let things fall through the cracks.

We never know what someones going through or when we'll need mercy ourselves. And while we can't control judgmental thoughts, we can cut them short by seeking to understand the person instead of jumping to conclusions.

9) Don't underestimate CHARACTER. We cant force character on our kids. If we want to build character, confidence, strength  and resilience, we need to let them face adversity and experience the pride that follows when they come out stronger on the other side. 

As a parent, nothing is harder to watch than your child fall, but sometimes we just have to.  Sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest.  In making our kids happy, sometimes it takes short-term pain to earn the long-term gain. 

At the end of the day, we all just have to remember that as a FAMILY, we are ALL learning.  We are all growing, emotionally or physically, and we are all trying to live a happy life. 

Mess up and Learn...

~Kel

Day 20 of our 30 day MOM Challenge... PATIENCE...

pa·tience

ˈpāSHəns/

noun

1. 1.

   the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

   "you can find bargains if you have the patience to sift through the dross"

   synonyms:

   forbearance, tolerance, restraint, self-restraint, stoicism; More

2. 2.

   chiefly British term for solitaire (sense 1).

Today is all about PATIENCE.  It is so hard for each one of us to use Patience in our everyday life.  Hey, I am not above this at all.  I have so much patience when I knit or paint that it is unreal...but when I am dealing with my children it seems to be spent.  This is something that I have personally struggled with throughout my entire experience as a Mom.  

It is not as easy as one might think...

But I believe that it is getting better.  Of course, in anything, I am still learning. I have great days and not so great days...the ones in which I actually mutter OUT LOUD..."Patience, Kel...Patience."  

I think that Patience is something that we will work on throughout our entire lives.  

Finding that place to go to divert yourself from the place of being angry and upset is the challenge.  One, that I am gladly up for!

So, I figured today, we would talk about some ways to be MORE PATIENT. (it seemed fitting)

First, if you take a little time to think about the purpose and beauty of patience, it can really help!  Patience give us time to reflect, slow down and think about what we are doing.  

Really, it is a way to ENJOY what we are experiencing rather than a RUSH towards an END. 

We should be enjoying the process of living and once we acknowledge this...guess what- it becomes a little easier to be patients with others too! 

A great tip is to ask your child what he or she wants to have, do or be.  It is hard to let go of the urge to have things as you would like them to be, which is where your patience starts to get weary, right!  My oldest is very opinionated, something we even were reminded in Parent-Teacher conferences.  Is this a BAD thing...heavens no, I don't think so.  She knows what she wants, and she ultimately just wants to make those decisions herself, to try all by herself and to find the solution just that way...Herself!  Yes, it causes us to butt heads quite often, as it is hard for me to stop hearing that voice in my very O.C.D. head say that it NEEDS to be THIS way....But, once I "let go" we find a happy medium and sometimes it is hearing her out, both of us putting our heads together and finding a happy medium...before patience are spent.

Would it be so horrible to Try to Please your Children?  Now, I am not talking about playing MAID or being a doormat, but what about respecting the wants and requests of your children within reason?  I think that this is important, as I am all about "you respect me, I respect you", that my children get to see a difference between requesting something or demanding something and also what the consequences will be in each situation. We also work on waiting for things, as I have been known to say... "In a Minute" and once I am met with the huffs and puffs, we talk about PATIENCE and knowing that sometimes we must wait and that is OK.

Isn't it important to be Grateful for children in general?  Just yesterday, I was feeling the heat, as we were running behind on dinner time.  My awesome five year old saw my mounting frustration and asked if she could help me out with setting the table. For this act of kindness she was showered with kisses and kind words of praise, as I did not even have to ask and she was willing to ease my growing panic. (Life with an OCD person is a challenge..I feel for my kids)

I think another good point is to be Humble.  Let's your kids show you the way sometimes, even if they are frustrated.  I think that I can reference my evening last night and my five year old setting the table.  Instead of focusing on the fact that she could drop the dishes and glass glasses, I let her show me that she could do it.  We have made cookies a time or two (too many!) and it ends up with flour on our faces, clothes, and of course, it would not be complete if it was not on the floor!  It is part of the process and let's my kids see their strengths and weaknesses.  The next time they bake and they make the flour into the mixing bowl, we will hear about it because after all, it is a HUGE accomplishment, right!

When your patience is above eye level, take a step back and remember this...

Your Children are Human too! 

 

my girls

They have feelings, likes, dislikes, favorites... it might help put something back into perspective for you! Stop trying to control them!  PICK YOUR BATTLES. (which will be my famous last words!), Be kind and they will learn to be kind to others and LOVE being with them!  

You can also try asking yourself for patience! :)

For us, it's a Friday Night...my kids will be worn out from a busy week and I am sure we will have a very patient evening.  Plus, Christmas movies are on! ;)

Enjoy all, all YOU Parents out there...and remember your Patience this weekend!

~KEL

Patience...

19: Teach your child one thing they can do on his own

"A child can teach an adult 3 things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires." 

Paulo Coelho

Today is the perfect day for this challenge.  I have a five year old in Kindergarten who is going through a lot right now.  She sits at a table with a bothersome little boy who is giving her all kinds of trouble.  

It is a life lesson.  

We have dealt with bullying all through the year so far, which is pretty astonishing considering that this is Kindergarten.  But, this boy is taking her things, closing her locker on her, grabbing her and pushing her, taking her papers and calling her names.  FUN for a MOM to listen to, right!  The icing on the cake is that the last time we were having physical issues with a different student, I went to the Teacher, who was kind of hurt that my kiddo did not go to her about the issues.  She was not even aware.

So, I am trying to get my child to go to her teacher, on her own, to deal with this little boy, who sits next to her everyday.  You would think this would be easy, but my child is a teacher-pleaser.  She is scared to "Tell" on this boy.  I asked her if she used the STOP, WALK AWAY then TELL method. She said that she has told him to STOP and walked away so far but she doesn't want to be a Tattle Tale. 

Oh my, this is so frustrating for me.  I can't fight her battles for her and as sad as it sounds, since this is happening so often in Kindergarten, I have to help her to understand that IT'S OK! Go to your Teacher, tell her you don't want to be a Tattle Tale but you told him to STOP and you walked away and nothing is working...it is actually getting worse as each day passes. 

This is when I wish I home schooled.  I see these kids taking pieces of my awesome personality kiddo away and it is starting to show.  I am trying hard not to panic, to try to be positive and reassure her that "boys will be boys" or that maybe "he likes you."  It doesn't make it any better though.

But, at the end of the day, I understand that no matter how hard is if on me, and harder on her...she has to do this on her own or she will always run to me with every little problem and expect me to fix it for her.  

Man, I wish this were the times when I grew up...we did not have this bullying in Kindergarten crap!

What are you going to Teach your child to do on his/her own? 

#parentingisforthebirds

#againstbullying

~Kel

Day 18- Who is a Mom you admire? What quality of hers can you live out today?

She is clothed in DIGNITY and STRENGTH  ~unk

This requires some thinking through, as it can be a few Mom's, living or on TV. It is hard to pick out qualities from one person, especially in my home, where my girls are SO different.  It stems from the way they learn, the way they talk, the way they play, all the way to how to discipline them!  Each is so different that there is no one way that can be streamlined. (Gosh, my job would be easy if that were the case...I mean - just pick up the "How to be a Mom" manual, and your all set!)

ad·mi·ra·tion

ˌadməˈrāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. respect and warm approval.

   "their admiration for each other was genuine"

   synonyms:

   respect, appreciation, (high) regard, esteem, veneration; More

   • something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect.

     "her house was the admiration of everyone"

     synonyms:

     respect, appreciation, (high) regard, esteem, veneration; More
   • pleasurable contemplation.

     "they were lost in admiration of the scenery"

Our Challenge today is to Identify the following:

Who is a MOM you admire?  What quality of hers can you live out today?

It's Wednesday, so I hope I have you all THINKING!  I mean, I am about to break it down.  I am digging deep to find that one Mom who has me listlessly thinking...Dang..I wish I was a MOM like THAT...

1.  My OWN MOM. I mean, she worked hard her whole life, missing school stuff and providing for our family to ensure that my little bro and I had everything we wanted and needed.  She helped me be a very responsible person, who thinks things through before making hasty decisions.

2. TV Mom that I admire the MOST:  Lorelai Gilmore...Gilmore Girls

Need I say more? She was hip, cool, down to earth and witty!  She was Rory's best friend but yet, she didn't get along with her own Mother.  She is who I want to be...involved in my kiddos lives.

3. TV Mom-  Clair Huxtable ...The Cosby Show.  She was so much like my own Mom.  She was a little scary, funny, and very smart.  She know how to have fun, but also be serious and teach while doing so.  (ON a side note...I am kind of furious with people about Bill Cosby. I mean, I am keeping an open mind, especially since these allegations are from events that took place 10-20 years ago... let the man grow old and leave him ALONE. And Janice Dickinson...your a has-been who did reality TV and showed the world that you would do anything to get a PAYCHECK.  Sorry...it HAD to be said!)

4. TV Mom- Jill from Home Improvement- She was dealing with boys..boys...boys...boys.  She was so easy going and laid back, especially with the chaos that was going on all around her. Such a cool Mom!

This is just the ones that I could think of, and I spend some time doing so.  I mean, not every MOM on TV is admirable... And I will fail to mention them on purpose, too!

So, as for my #1 pick, my own Mom, I feel like I should get her some recognition....so I made a list (duh) of the 20 (of MANY) reason why I admire her so:

1) She is a retired city employee, who gave them 30+ years of her life.

2) She is a loving, fun, and inspiring Nana to 2 beautiful girls!

3) Every year, we gather in her kitchen to bake Christmas cookies and they are delicious!

4) She was the first person in our family to go to college.

5) She is still devoted and married to my Dad. 

6) She loves to sing and dance...even if we don't want her to! ;)

7) She didn't let the moody, teenage years affect her..to much!

8) She is a caring person, and always tries to help others.

9) She has a good laugh!

10) We enjoy good conversations...when Dad is trying to leave and is backing the car down the driveway..usually!

11) She loved Scotland and hopes to visit again!

12) She always encourages my brother and I to be ourselves.

13) She is always there for me when I need her.

14) She is always there for anyone in our family.

15) She tries to stay close with estranged family.

16) She keeps the memory of Grandpa alive, which gives my kids the sense of knowing him in memory.

17) She makes the best spaghetti ever.

18) She tells me she is proud of me and that I am a great Mom.

19) She provided my brother and I a truly blessed and happy childhood.

20) She is beautiful, inside and out!

So, today I get to be the best Mom I can be!  Listen intently to my children, handle my job with ownership and laugh...a lot ...because life is good!

Happy Admiration day to all the MOMS!

~Kel

Day 17...Laugh with your Child today...

A child's laugh could simply be one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.....

~unk

Laughter can be the best medicine at times when we have so much seriousness in our lives. And nothing is better than the sound of that belly laugh, the one that comes from deep down in our children.  To watch my kids laugh and have fun is worth more to me as a Mom than any amount of dollar, anything that money could buy.  I know that this is our challenge today, and I fully intend on having a repeat performance, but last night our house was filled with laughter.  My Hubby was home from work and took a good forty five minutes to just be a DAD.  It was awesome.  I got to sit on the sidelines and watch and let me tell you, there has never been anything better!  

Soccer was the game.  The girls started by playing by themselves.  One was the kicker and the other the goalie.  Kind of amazing, since I don't think we have ever watched, let alone talked/played soccer!  Then Daddy got involved and it was belly laughs the whole time.  Soccer then turned into our five year old's favorite past time...WRESTLING.  She loves it when her Dad lifts her up high and swings her all around.  She is a pistol too!  She goes for the shins or will get a death grip on your favorite shirt.  

They were all laughing and it was just F U N. 

 

Yes, I got in on the fun too! My three year old was on the landing reading, so I was able to sneak up on her and grab her and give her a thousand kisses!  Gotta love these girls, who are getting so big!

But, today is a new day....right!  

Our Challenge today is:

Laugh with your Child today.

My thoughts...laugh with them everyday!  It can make things SO much better.  We usually laugh a thousand times a day, everyday...but sometimes, when Hubby is home...our house is a little more stiff.  It was great to see everyone just relax!

Oh, and I want to hear how your 25 year old's went yesterday?  Obviously, we had a good day!  Everyone had clear and concise directives and no one got in trouble, no time out, no talking, no nothing!  It was kind of an easy, peasy day! Even dinner was smooth and everyone ate it all too!

Please share!

~Kel

Day 15 - Be firm..not harsh...

Setting Limits...

It really is a hard thing to do.  I mean, setting limits for your children, and sticking to those limits set is no fun at all! Not for kid or parent...am I right? It is tested time and time again, and then comes discipline. Ugh.  This is seriously my least favorite thing.  

How can  you be firm but not harsh? 

Remember what it is like to be a kid.  Remember pushing limits to see how far you can go and finding the best punishment that works for that particular child.  Be mindful that just because a certain punishment is what you got as a child, does NOT mean that is how you were intended to punish your own child. (Again, finding a common ground is trial and error sometimes)

~Kel

Day 16 of our 30 Day MOM Challenge: Picture your child at age 25. Mother with that end in mind today.

Children have the unforgivable habit of Growing Up...

~Bjarne Reuter

As Parents, do we not picture our kids older than they really are, everyday.  I mean, I am guilty of saying just the other day, "She's five going on thirty."  My kids tend to have their clear, calm moments when I actually forget they are three and five years old.  I mean, last night, in the bathtub my three year old, who has been having trouble keeping her earrings in her head lately, says to me, 'Mom, I am going to pick out some earrings after bath-time and you can put them in and I promise I won't take them out unless I ask you to take them out because they are bodering me. OK.' and of course, after my heart melted over my beautiful child I simply said, OK.  But the day before I got a song and dance act over the reasons as to why she kept taking her earrings out and essentially losing them to never be found again... 

Kids are awesome, aren't they..[just a hint of sarcasm there!]

My older child walks around like she is at least fifteen.  I mean, she just learned how to read and she grabs my book...[Gone Girl] and starts picking out sight words...EEK!  Not exactly the appropriate book for a new reader, would ya say!  I swiftly grabbed the book from her eager eyes, explaining that it is much to difficult for her to read now and someday...far, far from now...she might dabble in my books.  Then she responds with "OK, so next year I can read your books.."  It is so sweet and innocent that I can't help but laugh.  I mean, it is the innocence of a child who is so ready to grow and learn and be so much more than she is right now...but I want her to shrink!  I want her to stop growing and stop learning and stop...Stop...STOP!  

It is an awesome adventure watching them grow, seeing their pant legs start to turn into High-Waters and shirt sleeve that were once long turn short...(seriously, I am NOT that MOM- they get clothes ALL the time...People have you shopped GIRLS clothes lately...#toomuchcutetonot)  But, with this adventure that we are on comes the realization that they are gulp...Growing up...  It has been pointed out that we only have TEN more years until one of them gets their learners permit...to D R I V E... ugh.  As a Mom, this is SO unsettling.  A car...behind the wheel...it causes instant anxiety! Not funny...at ALL!

But, I suppose that I can complete this simple challenge...my point is that it is NOT like I haven't a thousand times before today... I mean our talks are quiet intense.. Why you should NOT put the phone charger in your MOUTH when it is PLUGGED in....Why you need to think about your actions BEFORE you do them!  At that is just the tip of the ice burg in our house!

OUR CHALLENGE:

Picture your child at age 25.  Mother with that end in MIND...

Disclaimer:  It is only for TODAY.  You can go back to treating them like small kiddos tomorrow.  I am kind of sad to say that we kind of have a reasoning approach in our house and YES it does come back to bite us a lot.  We get a lot of WHYs on a regular basis and end up explaining our decisions...

Um, hello... little person...you are not a PARENT yet... 

So, have fun with it today!  Post comments on how your day went and I will be sure to update you all on how ours goes too!

Happy Adult Parenting all!!

~Kel