Saturday, November 22, 2014

Day 21: Forgive yourself when you MESS up

MISTAKES makes us HUMAN. 
FAILURE makes us STRONGER.  
HOPE keeps us GOING.

Have you even seen that list... You know the one I am talking about...The one that says something about the "Mistakes Parents Make" list.  Have you ever read such a list?  How about something you JUST MESSED UP?  



After reading said lists, I feel like I have messed up a lot.  


It is OK, isn't it?  I mean, we ALL make mistakes sometimes, don't we?  


A wise person always told me, growing up, that Mistakes are OK, as long as you LEARN from them.  I think that this statement has been one of a few that has always stuck with me.  The only problem is, parenting is not the place I want to make my mistakes.. But, there isn't a manual, so who knows what the outcome could be. (not that this makes it ANY better!)



I have made awful mistakes with discipline.  It has been about finding WHAT works with our kids and it is tough!  I know that discipline is necessary to set up boundaries and sticking to that set discipline is a requirement, but I also like to play fair and hear my kids out.  I like to know the WHY. Why did my kid make that decision?  What was driving her?  I understand that she makes mistakes too!  We all do!  But how do we move forward from that? 


As a Mom, when you make a mistake, how do you move on?  


I take a time out.  I mean, I make my kids do them..shouldn't I have the same punishment?  I talk to my kids and apologize for my actions.  I then let it go!  I tell myself that I will learn and not make this mistake again and I move on.  





Yes, it stinks but it happens. 




Here are 9 COMMON Mistakes that Parents make:
(adapted from parents.com)

1) Don't worship your kids.  Children were made to be loved...not worshiped. 

2) Don't believe that your kid is PERFECT. Parents who don't want to hear anything negative about their kids, but if a behavior problem is going on and Parents are reluctant to hear, or defensive, they would hurt their child long term, as it can become a part of their identity.

3) Don't live through your children.  If we are overly involved and invested in our kids lives it gets hard to see where they end and we begin. This can cause our kids to be about us, NOT THEM. 

4) Don't try to be your kids BFF.  As a Parent, we have to do the hard things that we don't want to, but it is part of our Job in being the best Parent we can be to our kids growth.  If you are doing your job right, your kids are going to get mad at you, roll their eye and groan at you. 

5) Don't forget about what it is like to be a child.  Childhood is so fast, especially in today's time. Let them explore, discover and play. 

6) Don't raise the child  you want...and forget about the kid you have.  It is hard to look past this image you have in your head of HOW your child is supposed to be, act, say and do.  But, I guarantee that if you put on your blinders to that image you will see the pretty awesome kid you actually HAVE. Let them be themselves and sit back and enjoy it.

7) Don't forget that what you do means more than what you say.  I say that I don't eat chocolate, then, after they go to bed, that big bowl of Halloween candy starts to miss some of the great, chocolaty three musketeer bars.. Then I get caught.  "But Mom, I thought you didn't eat chocolate."  there it is...I am busted.  of course I EAT CHOCOLATE..who doesn't eat chocolate.  But I lied... this is where it gets hairy because I don't want my kids to lie but when they do, this reference comes back into play... "But Mom, you lied when you said you didn't eat chocolate."  EAT YOUR WORDS MOM!  
By the way, I live an open, honest life, so I have never told my kids this crazy chocolate reference.  
8) Don't Judge other Parents...or their children..  No matter how much we disagree with someones parenting style, it's not our place to judge. Nobody in this world is "all good" or "all bad"; we're all a mix of both, a community of sinners struggling with different demons.
Personally, I tend to cut other parents more slack when I'm going through hard spells. When my child is testing me, I'm compassionate to parents in the same boat. When my life is overwhelming, I'm forgiving of others who slip up and let things fall through the cracks.
We never know what someones going through or when we'll need mercy ourselves. And while we can't control judgmental thoughts, we can cut them short by seeking to understand the person instead of jumping to conclusions.

9) Don't underestimate CHARACTER. We cant force character on our kids. If we want to build character, confidence, strength  and resilience, we need to let them face adversity and experience the pride that follows when they come out stronger on the other side. 
As a parent, nothing is harder to watch than your child fall, but sometimes we just have to.  Sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest.  In making our kids happy, sometimes it takes short-term pain to earn the long-term gain. 



At the end of the day, we all just have to remember that as a FAMILY, we are ALL learning.  We are all growing, emotionally or physically, and we are all trying to live a happy life. 

Mess up and Learn...

~Kel


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