Day One beneath the Sun....

It is yet another day, and we are well into our writing challenge quest!  

How are we all feeling about our word of the day?

Hopefully, you are eager to get started with another challenge for another day ... let's get started!

 of our writing challenge:

con·cert

noun

ˈkänˌsərt/

1. 1.

   a musical performance given in public, typically by several performers or of several separate compositions.

   "symphony concerts"

   synonyms:

   musical performance, show, production, presentation; More
2. 2.

   formal

   agreement, accordance, or harmony.

   "critics' inability to describe with any precision and concert the characteristics of literature"

verb

formal

kənˈsərt/

1. 1.

   arrange (something) by mutual agreement or coordination.

   "they started meeting regularly to concert their tactics"

Day 1

We made our way quietly to the safe haven. I lead the group of us through the long, dark, damp tunnel and unlocked the strong, steel door that lead us inside of the compound. I felt as if I was outside of my own body. I stepped into the space that Johnie and I had created. A space that we had dug, curated, cultured, decorated, established. It was a space I knew, well.  Maybe not as well as I would from here on out, but it was a space that I had created and implemented, from the coir doormat that boldly, happily spelled Welcome to the brown leather sectional that was placed in a common area with the brown shag rug to rest your feel. The floors has been lined with cheap linoleum that Johnie and I had picked up on sale. The kitchenette area was big enough to allow our entire group of twelve to stand in with ease. The rooms off of the common area were set up with more air-mattresses that needed to be inflated. The floors had been done in carpets that were left over from the house remodel. There were five bedrooms, or rooms of sorts. A shower had been set up with a sink and gas lamps that ran off of natural gas pockets that Johnie had dug for on the property.  A unit was regulating the natural gas in the far end of the compound with a line that lead from the underground tunnel in the carriage house. 

The horror of the loud bangs from the nuclear explosions outside, above ground were causing me some anxiety. What is they hit the natural gas pockets? What if they hit the pumping station?  All of which Johnie had reassured me would not reach us or the pumps, as he had taken precautions for just this type of emergency. 

How prepared had we really been?  

We were thought of as wackos with friends and family, some of which are setting foot in our crazy world as I write this. It had been a means to an end, although one that I could not have expected to happened quite so soon in my lifetime. We were bunker-ed down, whether I liked it or not. I knew this is what had to be. I knew that if we had any chance of survival, this was it. 

I asked Johnie, shortly after we had all settled and my Mom, Grandma and Aunt had settled in the kitchen to prepare a celebratory feast of tuna noodle casserole, heated by our gas powered counter oven, what would happen if someone was looking for us, for survivors, and found us? 

I find it odd now that he deflected my questioning. At the time I was not sure if it was a purposeful act, but thinking back, I am for certain it was a ploy to not answer my questions. Why? This made me think that something had happened to the cave that we entered in. I am starting to hyperventilate at this thought. The thought of being trapped. Trapped, alive, underneath the ground. 

It had only been about half a day and I was already missing the blue sky, the sunlight that would shine through that little window we had just a day before. The concerts would be heard of the birds singing their tranquil songs was now far away and the deafness of it was almost as if it were to much to bare.

The girls were settled in one of the room, presumably the one that they had now laid claim on, the one that I unknowingly had sought out as theirs but placing toys of different sorts in the room. They were deep in play with Lego building and farm animals lined up all around either side of their buildings. Unphased by all that was happening around them. They seemed oblivious. I, of course, knew better, but it was a weight off of my shoulders to see them behaving so normally. 

My Mom's brother, my Uncle and Father-in-law were playing cards with Johnie at the card table that was set up along the wall of the common room. 

I stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the scene that surrounded me. I was inhaling the normalcy that was our safe haven. No birds were chirping.  The sunshine could not be seen, but here were eleven people who were making the best of this situation. They were living. We were living. That had to be enough for now.

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How did you use the word, CONCERT within your story? 

Was it difficult to affix it in the writing? 

I hope that everyone is finding their writing groove and having as much fun as possible!  This is about learning how to take a word and challenge yourself to turning that word into a piece of your story...your art. 

Until Tomorrow!

~Kel

When the day turns to night... (#7)

It is writing challenge DAY #7 and I am eager to hear how everyone is doing? 

How is the WORD OF THE DAY? 

Is it sparking enough creativity for you to write your heart out?

Well, as the saying goes..."The show must go on..."

Writing Challenge- Day #7- 

WORD OF THE DAY:

It was a shock to my system. I know that I laid in the dark, the quiet surrounding me for a long while. I finally allowed myself to fall asleep, only to toss and turn as the thoughts rumbled inside my head. My dreams were an illusion of what once was, tainted with my new knowledge. 

"Kasey." a voice in the distance said.

It was Johnie. He was waking me up, startling me out of the horror.  "Was I thrashing?" I asked confused.

"No. It's sunrise. We need to start preparing."

His words were so short. His mouth lacking love. I knew he loved me, of course, but this had changed him.  This had hardened him.  I don't think he even noticed the girls, not for the five, wait, now six days were had been living in this terrible nightmare.  Was I to turn hard as well?  

I got up. My girls were up already, watching my Mom make eggs on the single burner. This was an adventure all right and it was only beginning. 

I heard a boom coming from outside. The sound crashing into the windows of our house. It caused the house to shake. Everyone looked up. Horrified by what that could be. 

My initial thought was survivors. There were more of us...left...in what was our new world.  Johnie saw my pep.  He grabbed my hand and lead me into the other room, the room that was somehow becoming a meeting room with that single window and the only light. 

"This is not hope." was all that left his lips.

"What is it then? Survivors, like us." I said a tad bit more matter-of-factually than I had intended. 

"No. This is the government. This is total annihilation, don't you see that?  Of course there are survivors, those who were meant to. I know that we do not fit into that category. You know it too. This is our time to go, before the house settling happens again, or worse, the foundation folds and we became rubble, or are exposed to the gases that are just outside these walls. It's time, Kasey, we need to hurry and get to the Safe Haven."  

He hugged me hard, kissing me before turning and gathering our things, or what was now our things.

It was time.

We all had a part, girls included. Everyone had their hands full as we pulled open the entrance to the safe haven. One trip was all we had, so we were loaded down pretty well. It was dark, damp and a long way down before we made it. We used one flashlight in the front and one in the back, to conserve our resources and followed one another in a line, as that is all the space we had. There was no turning back. 

Johnie pulled the rear of the group, as I was the guide. I approached the steel door, the door to our destiny, the door that we would be trapped within for who knew how long.  I pulled the key from my necklace chain around my neck, where it had been for the past two years. 

Preparation is key, even if you thought you would never have to use it. 

I put the key into the steel lock, twisted, pulled, tugged, struggling with the weight of the door. We were not taking any chances.

Something was happening above ground as a vibration was moving the dirt and clay that made the walls of our underground cave. 

I led us inside, everyone piling in until we were all safe. It was time to get acquainted with our new homestead.

----------------------------------------------------------

Could you imagine having to go deep into the Earth to escape death? I think that is a hard pill to swallow. 

I can not imagine what Kasey is going through, especially as she knows the outcome could be less than desirable. 

I also want to note that Johnie made a great point:

only those who were meant to survive, will. 

That is apparent. I have some ideas on what is going on above ground, they are being worked on as we speak in my head.  

This is my favorite part, putting those pieces into action!

I am curious to know how Mom and Dad are taking the big change. I am thinking of working their minds into the story as well. After all, they are all going through this change, and it is a big one. They are essentially locking themselves in an underground cave of sorts, one that has been equipped to handle the worst of conditions above the surface, but one that takes away that window that was providing them with sunlight, with the sense of day and night.  

Interesting!

I hope you all are having a blast writing with our word of the day.

Remember, feedback is always welcome!

Happy Hump-Day!

Until Tomorrow!

~Kel

Writing Challenge Day #6- READY OR NOT....

Today it is all about {Just Write}.  Let's stop the small talk and jump right to it!  I am excited to put my words on the paper, and I hope you are too!

Our WORD of the DAY is:

The walls were closing in on me.  I was having trouble breathing.  I felt as if I were outside of my body, looking down in horror at the picture of myself, in the dark, with the only light coming from that single light bulb. 

The rest of my family were sound asleep in the other room. They were sound and comfortable, given the circumstances.  

Johnie was standing in front of me. He saw the sicken state I had taken, all too quickly. He knew that it was to much for me to handle, yet he had to tell me or I would find out on my own and it would result in something far worse than just the knowledge of what our World now was. 

"Kas, are you OK." he spoke softly, as he held me tightly, cutting off the only breathe that I could now take.  I could not speak. I could not think. I was numb. I felt foreign, sitting there.  It was time for me to take the news that I had just learned and go to my Journal.  I needed to write. I needed to decompress the feelings, the thoughts that were roaming freely throughout my body.  I felt as if I had just received the ultimate blow. I knew what it all meant. I knew that there was no escaping the fate that we now faced. 

"When do we go underground?" I said in a voice that I hardly recognized.  Fear was embedded thick in my words.

"At Dawn would be my guess." 

I knew it was what had to be, as much as I wanted to believe, to trust, that this was temporary. That I would be in my kitchen making a homemade chicken noodle soup in no time flat.  Now, I had no idea if I would even see the daylight again.  I had no idea if we would survive.  This internal pull was causing me to choke.  Johnie held me tighter. He took my hand in his and kissed my head. I now knew what was keeping him so quiet. So still.  

April 22nd, - day #5 underground. 

Today I was taken above ground, for the first time since this whole ordeal started. I saw a vast emptiness surround our home.  Beyond the windows and doors, the earth stood still. The sun still set and the moon still shines, but what was left of the people who inhabited the earth I had known for my life was gone.  Cars were not a part of the road, lights were burned out. 

I stood in my attic, of a home that we had built with our blood, sweat and tears and I saw nothing all around me. The things that inhabit our home are useless in the world that now exists. 

It had been a vibrant world when we had made the decision to start planning for the unthinkable. We gave our all, extra money, extra time to creating a safe haven, deep underground, away from civilization. A place where we would not only be safe, but live, thrive. It had been a dream we built, one that was as much imagination as survival.  I had never, in my wildest dreams, thought that this safe haven would be our home. I never thought this could be our reality. Yet, here I stand, in the now, in the know of what had happened, having been blind for five whole days to facts that should have been instinct. 

We were survivors. I can say that now. We survived. Why? I shouldn't question it, but I am left with a need to ask this simple question. Had this been God's plan? Were we chosen to live? Had we fulfilled God's duty when we created our safe haven? 

These questions, I fear, will forever haunt me, as I have learned what epidemic, if I may, has invaded our mankind. It had been an attack against people. It had stemmed from Government actions and a country that was on the downfall. It had caused one man to lose sight of reality and create a gas that turned the world inside out, taking all of those who had not sought shelter into something alien. People were still among the living, yet, they were now hollow, for a twenty four hour stretch, then they would meet the fact of the nuclear effects and the mission of that one person was complete. 

Would we survive this? Can this gas reach our still living bodies?  I had so many questions, but yet, in the shock, horror of this knowledge I felt numb. I now knew our fate. It was not to live. It was to suffer until death knocked. 

Tomorrow we will descend further down into the Earth. Into the pure ground. When will it be safe to come above again?  I know that we have prepared for such an occasion. Such a silly word for a devastation. This was not a Birthday. This was a death.  Our air down here and further yet had been on the filtration system that we had purchased a year prior. It had been a fluke, which I believe is the irony of this whole situation. We created an underworld that should not exist, one that we created for a chance, not dreaming ever in our lifetime, that we would be relying on this for survival. 

Survival. 

This one word will haunt my existence. I am preparing to put up a fight, as good as any, to keep my children safe, to keep them alive, to keep them healthy and thriving. My family as well. We will survive. One way or another. 

I put down my pen, set my journal aside and knew that it was time to rest. I had been given a lot to digest and knew that tomorrow would be a busy day, as we once again settled into confines that were not usual.  Tomorrow, I would talk with my girls and let them know that the world is not safe, and paint pretty pictures of the adventure underground that they were about to experience. 

I kissed Johnie before settling in next to my family on the blow up mattress. 

Hopefully we are all enjoying the writing words and making the most out of them. It is an adventure with our keyboard, finding a way to make these words fit into a story-line, in a way you might not have thought could fit before.

Again, please leave feedback! If you have Word of the Day ideas, please share! I am always open to improv.

~Kelley~

A day in the life of an ALMOST 4 Year Old.

I have this amazing, smart, beautiful angel 

girl who is turning four next week. 

This has been a big deal in our house, one that has left her feeling no super great about the transition from still a technical baby to a BIG GIRL.  





Over the past month I have been dealing with new challenges from her, as we are all really excited for her to be a year older, including big sis.  Our little girl has had melt downs, which we have never had before, whining, well, let's face it.. she's been a whine-er since she was born! Unusually crying, sadness and she has been wetting her pants a lot.  We have all tried to be patient, or as much as we can with her transition but it has been so out of character for her that I was growing worried. 

Then came the talk about Preschool. 

Now, thinking back, my oldest was always SO excited about school and making friends and the whole package. My youngest is NOT. This might be an understatement.  We had a very intelligent conversation about it this morning, on our way to Nana's house, passing the future Preschool!  

  KaitMom

"Mom, I want to be little forever."  

I mean, I wish she could stay little forever...but the thought of having to wipe her butt forever is not a pleasant one...or helping her eat...she needs independence! 

"I know. You will always be our baby." 

"I don't know how to be good in school."  

This stems from her older sister having a behavior grading system in Kindergarten. 

"You are such a good girl, you will do great in school."

"I don't know how though."

"You are such a sweet, caring, loving girl, you are my angel and such a good girl, you will do great!"

"Mom, I am an angel?"

"Yes, you are a sweet angel!"

"But, Grandma Lucy and Nana's Dad are fairies."

"Ok." 

"You know how they became fairies?"

"No."

"They got dead. Then the girl came to them and put wings on them and made them fairies. They live in the fairy clouds."

"That sounds wonderful."

"Ya. They are always with me."

I mean, seriously. We talk about Grandma Lucy a lot these days. I am thinking she much come to them in their dreams, which is comforting to me.

"But, Mom, I am scared."

There was a pause here before this question.

"Scared of what?"

"Scared to go to school."

"I know. Its something new."

"I don't want to go."


"You have all summer, then you will go when sissy starts school. You are only going Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"What about Nana and Papa?"

"You will go all day on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Nana will come get you before Lunch and you will have lunch with her and Papa."

"Ok. Can I go to school now?"

LOVE this girl! 

She has such a sweet heart and kind soul, but she is as shy as her Momma! 

I know that moving into the four year old age is going to come with a new set of rules, a new set of standards and a lot of new, new, new things.  If there is one thing I have learned, since being introduced into the "Mom Club" six years ago, it is that each child is different. That is a crossed the board.  My girls have completely different personalities, dispositions, learning styles, behaviors, and discipline techniques that work. I feel like as soon as I get one things down with one of them, I have to learn a new way with the other, and honestly, I don't feel that it is such a BAD thing!  It keeps me learning, growing and on my toes. (Young at heart!)

I think that the best things that I have is that I can say I am learning from my girls. They are so bright and full of knowledge.  I love their outlook on life and their positive outlook on the world. We are working on the big picture when it comes to recycling and making the Earth a better place, thanks to Melaleuca products. They love that with these natural products, they can even help me clean because they are not full of toxins. That is important, as we are always learning.

So, today we crossed a bridge. A big, scary bridge and the other side still awaits us, but it is just a little less scary! 

Embarking on four...here we come. 

#lastbabyblues  #fouryearsold  #oneproudmom

~Kel

Write Something.... Day #5

Another Day...Another writing challenge word!

I am so curious to know how everyone is taking to the writing challenge? 

How are the words?  

Are they getting the creative juices flowing? 

Are you writing day by day or a story that goes on?

I am feeling the creative energy flowing through my fingertips. This is a story that I have wanted to write for a long while. It is one that I know is kind of played out with TV and all- but honestly...do you know what you are going to get yet?  

I know that all are thinking Zombies...right? 

Well, maybe it is....maybe it isn't!  (Aren't I a sly one!)  

I have no idea where I am going...well OK, I kind of do..but I am letting it flow naturally. I have a loose base that I have in my mind, but what ever is happening on the paper is what it is. (Hopefully that is not a bad thing and I do not end up with something awful!) 

But, as always, please don't forget to leave feedback. 

Good or bad. 

At last..enjoy the story!

OUR WORD OF THE DAY IS:

twi·light

ˈtwīˌlīt/

noun

1. 1.

   the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, caused by the refraction and scattering of the sun's rays from the atmosphere.

   synonyms:

   half-light, semidarkness, gloom "it was scarcely visible in the twilight"
2. 2.

   a period or state of obscurity, ambiguity, or gradual decline.

   "he was in the twilight of his career"

   synonyms:

   decline, waning, ebb;

I felt so torn, as we sat there. So helpless.  The world as I knew it, before entering my basement, was no longer. I was fighting the urgency to go above ground, to find the sunlight and relinquish in it's rays. I was feeling feverish, boxed in and full of anxiety of the things that I had no knowledge of today. 

I urgently tried the weather radio once more. I raised the antenna, as high as I could manage, as high as it would allow. I help the damn radio up, near the only window we had to the outside world. The emptiness was eerily taking over my thoughts about what had happen, or where everyone was.  Yesterday, there had been people everywhere. They might not have been in their right minds, but they were still beings. 

Johnie came to my side. I am sure he felt my distress, as I was doing everything within my power to hold it suppressed deeply inside. 

"Tell me your troubles?" he asked as means of a questions. As if my troubles were not his own. 

"I want to go up. I need to see. I need to know." It was the truth and all I could offer. It was pointless to unload about the fear I was holding in, about how scared I was for our children, our families. I also held relief that they were all here. With us. I know that it was not all, but it was a great deal. In this moment, it all came flooding to me, the people that were still out there. To me, they were. I knew of nothing else. 

"You can. I need to go check on things this evening, at twilight. Will you came with me?" 

"I think I need to. I don't understand what is above here and I am feeling claustrophobic down here." 

His eye met mine with that statement. "Kas, you are going to have to get a hold of your claustrophobia. We could be underground, further by tomorrow. We could be down there for as long as our supplies will last." 

His face grew cold. His tone was as if steel were cutting into my arm. I knew that he knew more than he would tell, all I had was a promise of what lies above tonight to see for my own eyes what the world was, or what it was to be. 

The girls were by our side now. A flash of worry crossed Kayla's stone gray eyes. I, on instinct, grabbed her close, hugged her, rocked her and shushed her gently. I could not let them know. I could not let on what was going on...only I really did not have to, they already knew. They could sense the happenings before it even happened. 

I was able to occupy Kayla and Kara, sit with my Mom and Grandma for a few hours and talk about what we were planning on doing in the weeks ahead. It was naive of us to talk about being normal by next week, but it was all we had to hang onto. Call it our hope. 

When I had a few minutes to myself, I grabbed my journal and wrote about my day, as uneventful as it had been. I wanted to note that I remember Kayla talking to me on the Thursday before this past week, her last day of school before break. She had mentioned talk at school about the world coming to an end. Bright girl as she was, she wanted to know what it all meant. 

Of course, I have no idea. 

Twilight was among us. We were making sure the girls were fed, but rationing our inventory above ground, in case we ran low below in the days that were soon to come. 

"We have no idea what to expect up there." Johnie said in a hushed voice, so no one in our group could hear.  I was noticing that those who came from outside wanted no part in going upstairs. That did not fall blind on me.

I nestled my girls in with my Mom and Dad, as sleepy as they were, the days were growing long for us all. Johnie and I started our descend upstairs. 

It was dark. Quiet. Our home was still. Stiller than it had ever been.  A part of me imagined that this is what our home once looked like. I could envision those who settled here before us walking about the house with candles burning bright in their hands, as we were doing. Dark shadows appears all around. Johnie did not speak a word. 

We headed to the attic. He wanted to make sure we were still secure. The attic was always a place that left me more uneasy than the rest of the space in the house. I walked quietly behind him, allowing him to lead and giving him space in case something went a-rye. 

The darkness was a new claustrophobia for me, as if felt as if it were cutting off my air supply, slowly but surely. We made it all the way to the attic, watching our heads with the gabled roof above. I looked out the window. Nothing.

"Can I open the window, I just need some air." I whispered. 

Johnie, now on the other side of the attic shouted, "NO!" as he rushed to my side. 

I just looked at him, in awe. I had no idea what I had said to get such a dramatic reaction. 

"You don't know, do you?" was all he said.

"I don't know, what?" I said.

"What happened to cause this." he said as he motioned to the vast emptiness that surrounded us. 

I didn't have to say a word. He knew I did not know.

We hurriedly finished our rounds and headed back to the basement. The group was sound asleep, except for my father in law. He was on watch. 

This is when my husband took me to the room with the window. We sat and he had somethings that I needed enlightened with.

______________________________

I would like to mention that the emotion I feel, as I write this, is real. I can not WAIT  find out what Kasey is about to learn. 

How do you think the world stopped?  

How are they still surviving? 

Tune in tomorrow for another WORD OF THE DAY Challenge!

Thanks for reading!

~Kel

Challenge Accepted- Day #4

I think that it is without question that I have accepted this writing challenge.  

How about you? 

Have you started to take the word of the day and apply it to thoughts in your own mind?

Well, if you haven't, why not start today?  

It is simple, really.  They say, to be a writer, a good one at least, you should write everyday. 

I am obsessive with my blog. I do write everyday, probably whether people want to hear it or not, but this is Life at Gray Gables to me. I write. I make notes, I write words, I draw silly pictures when I am bored or nimble. 

I encourage you to give this a try. To take this one word, this word of the day, and challenge yourself to write something around it. Anything that comes to mind. It doesn't even have to be reoccurring. You can write something one day and something different the next. 

So...Challenge Accepted? 

Our WORD of the DAY is: 

The footsteps came down the stairs, until faces, lots of faces appeared before my eyes. It was a shock to my system. Faces that I thought I would only see in my dreams, again. 

Standing before me, my Grandma appears, my Great Aunt and Uncle, my Uncle, my Brother and his partner, who had made their way from Columbus.  They all looked tired, older, ragged and beaten down. They were out of breath and did not offer words, but horrid looks of what they had been through. 

My Mom leaped into action, getting them each something warm to drink. My Dad started blowing up the extra air mattresses we had picked up, just in case. I grabbed the extra blankets I had stowed at the entrance to our descend further down. We got everyone settled, without a word. It was as if I was not even there. It was as if they had not really been there. They were nothing short of zombies. I had questions floating through my mind, questions that I wanted so badly to ask, knowing that I couldn't until they had time to rest, to process. I know that whatever was going on outside of these walls was beyond my knowledge. It might not have even been for me to know. My family was inside of these walls, safe. 

It was not long before we managed to get the newcomers settled. Johnie was distant. I already knew what was going through his mind, without him having to say a word. There was one person missing from here. One person who I was sure would be coming at any minute. I knew that I could not tell him. He wouldn't believe me even if I had. As if these thoughts were summoning Johnie's Dad, he leaped up as we all heard him yelling from the dark. It was minutes before, he too, joined our family reunion.  My Mom worked at getting him something to warm him up and settle his hunger. My Dad had the last bed ready for rest. Before I could even count to ten, the guests were settled within our safe walls. Safe for tonight, but who knows how much longer, or whom these walls were safe from. 

*********

The girls played quietly as the sun was rising. The family who had just been brought in were still resting soundly as my Mom was urged to join.  Johnie and my Dad had gone above to see. None of us knew what to expect. Everyone who had just joined us were less than willing to talk about what was going on, and I was eager to find out. 

I kept myself busy by writing in my journal. I wanted to make sure that I was documenting as much as I could. I am writing why?  Why am I documenting?  I have no idea what to expect, what is happening or what will happen. I write my thoughts. I want to know. Trying the weather/news radio is an option. I am finding it hard to manage without my phone. It was dead, even with the charger plugged in to give it life. That was an eerry feeling, if I had ever felt one before.

A short time after my unsuccessful trial with the radio, our guests started to stir, rise and take to finding something to eat and some ease to the emptiness that was showing on their hallow faces. 

"Aunt Shy, will you talk?" I asked quietly. I was unsure if she would be willing, as she usually was to talk about anything, or if this was to fresh. If it was to horrid. 

"Let me get something in my system." was her rather curt rely. She was in a fowl mood, that was for sure. 

I backed away. Went to my girls. Went to their side, where my Kayla was playing her DS game system, which I will note, still worked, minus WI-Fi connections. This was not affecting her, or else she was hiding it well. That much I could be thankful for. 

Johnie and my Dad were still upstairs, staked out, I could imagine. I was not hearing any movement, nor had I heard the door open, which was a relief, since I had been listening for just that to happen. I wanted to go up. I wanted to see with my own eyes, past the triple pane window that was all I had. 

My Mom was talking to my brother. They were laughing and it was such a breathtaking sound to hear. I knew they were not talking about the trip here. I knew they were just talking about the breeze and it was a relief.  

"Kasey, you OK." Gary, Johnie's Dad said, as he was getting up.  If anyone was going to be real with me, it would be him. 

"Yea. I was just thinking about, maybe going upstairs."  I said, matter-of-factually. 

"I don't know why? I don't even like Johnie being up there right now." 

"Will you tell me? What is going on, what happened?" It seemed like such a simple question. A question that I should be asking, right?

"It ain't right. It ain't right."  was all he kept saying, over and over again. I knew that something bad was going on. 

I grabbed him an apple and tried to change the subject, the best that I could. I had not even realized that today was my youngest birthday. Kara didn't even seem to notice. Four is a big deal though and it was then that my heart saddened. What did this mean?  

I left Gary and went back to my journal. I knew that all the good that I could do for myself and everyone, was to write.  I should get an award for I wrote all damned day. I just could not stop. I wrote every question that came into my heard. I wrote every comment that was said by anyone within ear shot. I drew pictures of flowers and the clouds, things that I was not sure if I would ever see again. 

Fear was over taking my soul.  I wanted to tell my Kara girl that today she was four, that it was a celebration, only no one here was in any way, shape or form to celebrate. It was a beautiful moment in time that our baby was born and we had to be in a world that was full of the unknown. We were trapped within these walls. We were all we had. 

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Tomorrow brings more hope...or so we hope for a better tomorrow.  

~Kel