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| Hubby & I on our wedding day- November 11th 2006 |
That being said, I made it known that I was taking my blog back! I recently got a little lost with my thoughts and was having a hard time sitting down to write. It is sad because I loved my blog when I first started and I do not feel like it lost that luster, I just lost my mind!
But, I am getting back to finding myself and with that, it is redefining what I want from my blog and while I am doing that, I need to "keep it real" and uncensored myself!
With that, I would like say give a big shout out to those of you who read my blog and give me the drive to keep writing...A huge Thank you!!!
So, I guess it is time to take out the censor and let my words flow...
Why I stay Married.
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| Engagement Pictures 2006 |
I know a lot of you are like, what! It is a taboo topic and one that could get me in deep doo-doo, but it is what it is, right!
Yesterday I was right snack dab in the middle of a "Classy Fight" with my Hubby. After almost nine years of marriage and we are well into thirteen L O N G years today- you would think that we would be past these type of knock down, drag out arguments...well, they still happen. I would not say they are typical, especially in our household, but sometimes...I have just had enough of the sucking it up which has become my role as we get older. Sometimes I want to scream and shout and ...oh wait... sorry, breaking out into song!
But it is SO true!
Anyways, it was high stress times for Hubby dealing with our whiny three year old while he was cooking breakfast and apparently I was supposed to be doing the monitoring but I was busy stripping beds for Sheet Sunday (yup, I really just said THAT!) and getting ALL the beds remade. Let me point out that I am one of those 24-7 Moms. I don't get a day off unless my Parents take my girls- and that is the truth. I don't get a minute to sit back and relax or just a break from the daily routine when Hubby is around until I get my girls to bed and I have brought this up time and time again, and am always met with Deaf ears...apparently!
I rejoined the Family (mind you, I did have the five year old with me, helping) and we ate a nice breakfast. (yes, I really mean that!) Then, the girls finished and my oldest excused herself but my youngest was a little more resistant to the idea of going off by herself and we were met with the awesome three year old response..."I Can't!"
Well, we finally got her to leave the kitchen and I was slapped in the face with a conversation about:
"Everyone lets her have everything she wants and does everything for her so now she can't do anything for herself."
Um, hello..she is three! I kept my mouth shut and just asked him to "Stop." This is where he jumped up from the table and had a temper tantrum- which I have been seeing a lot from him lately.
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| Baby Girl- how can you not just LOVE this little face! Whiner or not! |
It pissed me off...to be frank! I calmly asked him why he is acting this way all the time and of course it was reversed and all of a sudden I was the one flipping out - which I was still not at that point. But that was the straw that broke the camels back for me! I just said that I am not stupid and I know he is talking about me when he says *Everyone and she is three and we are going through the same motions we went through with our oldest.
Guess it just pisses me off that he has ZERO patience and he is only a part-time parent. (in no means am I trying to be mean by this statement, he is just always busy with stuff around the house or should I say in the yard/garage/pole barn and with work) I do this job everyday! I deal with the whining, crying, talking back, temper tantrums, clean ups, wiping butts, hugs, kisses, talks, boo boos, laughs- this is my JOB. I don't like it when I am always knocked down about my parenting when I think that my kids are great kids and the only people that seem to ever have a problem with them are those who have NO PATIENCE and are hardly ever around. Sorry for my vent but those girls are my life. I eat, sleep and breathe them and would not change that for anything in the world. (I say this still even after my three year old woke up screaming last night and when I picked her up she literally pee'd on me- TRUE STORY!)
So, on top of trying to be a Good Mom and make sure that my girls look back on their childhood and have positive thoughts, I am also trying to balance being a Good Wife and from his perspective, I must suck at that too.
After his tantrum and my walking away- because if I don't it will not ever end - I was screamed at "Pack your shit and leave!" The best part...my poor kids heard it ALL.
Bad parenting MOMENT!
I know what you are thinking...Why do I stay MARRIED- right! (Please remember that there are always 3 sides of a story, Mine, His and what actually happened! ;)
Well, I got my *chores done around the house and grabbed my girly's and ran a crossed town to the bank. (cool down time)
I decided that if I did not break the ice, we would not talk- so I text-ed Hubby and asked him if he needed food. (the way to a Man's heart is through his stomach, right?) He had a friend over helping him work on his pole barn- so lunch it was.
Sure, I was still icy. I brought them their food with little conversation. I might forgive but I don't forget so easily. We went about our day, separately. Then, around dinner time he asked me to go to Lowe's (romantic, right!) - so away our family went. I guess this old house is what brings us back to reality. Everything was right again. (well, don't mind my rant above- that is going to happen no matter what because sometimes I just need to get that stuff O U T!)
So, the reason WHY I stay MARRIED is because at the end of the day he is my best friend. I need a reset now and again and to be able to remember the why and although no one ever wants to admit this, it is with honesty that I am able to say that it is needed at times.
I kissed him goodnight and gave him my I Love You's and went to bed knowing that tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes that is what is needed. If I sat here and said that I/We never had a bad day I would be nothing more than a straight up LIAR. We do and some times those days are worse than others, arguments are rougher than they should be but sometimes it is those words that are said out of anger that can help put life back into perspective.
Realign our reality, so to speak!
Today I know that he is my Husband because of the bond that is strong between us, even when we might think it is waiver-ing. I know that I am his wife because I am the glue of our family and I know that we both hold the key to each other's hearts and to our home. That is the most important thing. I also think that it is important to let my children know that we aren't perfect but by the time the sun sets we are on a better path- not that I like arguing in front of them, or them hearing the things that sometimes do come from our mouths. We are not perfect but we try to be together and hopefully tempers are reset as well and we can find calm, patience and some type of understanding! (yes, after ALL this time, we are still seeking this!)And that, my friends, is a bit of Life at Gray Gables! (a little bit of Gray...right- and not 50 shades...)
Thanks for listening and please feel free to share your own thoughts or stories, I would love to get other perspectives!
#lovestinks
#itainteasy
#thisismylife
#livingformykids
~Kel
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