5, 4, 3, 2, 1...RUN

Life can be so cruel at times.

 

I mean, my problems are simple, in the complexity of things that others are going through.  This is where your personal woos get mushed into the "bigger picture".  

Does this mean that your own personal trials are less than that?  

Does it mean that you are not allowed a day of mopping? 

Does it mean that you are not allowed/supposed to be feeling the way you are?

Well, I think that each personal trial is part of our journey. I think that we are allowed to feel, for a short time, our trivialization.  I think that, in my opinion, then, you must put on your "big girl panties" and pick yourself up and CHANGE whatever is putting a dull light on your life.

Easier said than done...right!

I get that too!

My story is simple.  I still have a job after all.  

Last post, I promise...about this drama that is my life at Gray Gables right now.  

It is a hard transition for me.  I mean, kind of like a catch 22.  There have been thoughts of "I should have just stayed at the job I was working..I had put in 5 years...." but then, where would I be?  I have gone through the "It's NOT Fair" mind set.  I mean, after all, I got this fancy work-at-home job and have spend the past nine months being HERE for my girls.  I have even spoken, out loud, in frustration..."I hate my life and don't even want to be here anymore."  Yes, a moment I regret, did not mean and was said out of pure frustration for the situation. 

I can honestly say - in the past I have mentioned how alone I have felt...I truly have not felt more alone until I received this news.  People at work no longer "reach out"...it is just QUIET. Jobs that I was previously doing are being done by others.  I just feel like doom is awaiting me. 

But, don't worry. I am over being DOWN.  I just have to accept the reality of my own situation.  

I will be going back to work. Outside of the home.  

Yes, it is terribly sad. Yes, it is not ideal.  No,I am not happy, not looking forward to this change, and tears have fallen for my kiddos. But, at the end of the day, no matter how many times I hear that I should just enjoy this time...this part time/part pay stuff...I know that the LONGER I delay in moving forward, the more comfortable I will get in these new hours and the less happy I will be with the less pay.  We are raising a family here, after all.

So, Ready...Set...GO!

I am off and running.  Job hunting is exhausting. I know that I have people in heaven pulling for me. I know that this is something that HAS to happen. I don't know if I am OK with this YET, but I am keeping a positive outlook and thinking of a growing savings account. 



I have five aces in my back pocket currently. I have a feeling the biggest challenge will be knowing which road to take, and that is OK.  It is better to have this challenge than no road to follow.








not 1 but 2 people told me that having childcare in my home was A BAD IDEA- I quote!  This, of course hurt, but I get it. I do. It would just be good money for something that I love to do...kids rule!  But, I guess it is NOT in the cards for ME at this point in life. My Admin. skills have to much to offer, I suppose. (or at least that is how I have to look at it at this point and time)

So, I will keep you posted on my upcoming journey. It is sure to be wild.  I am sad to leave my home, I am sad to say goodbye to my girls who have grown in the past nine months to expect Mom being there...but I know that in the end, the vacations, the weekends, the time we do have together will be worth more than gold. We will make memories to replace the constant time.  I guess that is all I can do! 

We are a working family and I guess, that will have to be OK.

~Kel

Let's do this!

To my girls,

Please do not think that this is an easy decision for Mommy. I have fought tooth and nail to try to make my time at home.  The reality is, as it always has been, if we want to keep our current lifestyle, Daddy and I both have to work. Unfortunately, Mommy working at home turned out to be to good to be true. It was short lived and I feel resentment and bitterness because of the changes that I put you both through when I made the decision to move to the home for work. Even the job at home was not easy and sacrifices have been met since. I have been the MOM who is home...but is not really home. I believe that working out of the home will allow me to leave work at work! I will do my best to make sure that we stay scheduled, we stay together as much as we can and that our transition is as smooth as possible. We are lucky that Nana and Papa are here for us and will help us. That eases Mommies mind more than you know. If I had anyone else have to raise my kids while I work, it would be the Grandmas!

I love you both more than anything and want to ensure you both have everything in life you could possibly want. I hope you find love, as much as material possessions.  Love is and will always be the most important thing that Dad and I can ever give you.  I will always rush to be with you, always. 

I love you both so much!

Love,
Mom