Day 10...I wish this dream would end

I have put down this writing challenge for a few days. 

Yes, I am still writing, I just left this one behind for a few days to get my mind cleared out and get back on track!  

Sometimes, that is needed. 

Are we ready to pick it back up? 

We are going to have our Challenge Words M-F and break on Saturday and Sundays to regroup- due to the fact that I have 130 days worth of Writing Challenge words.  

Are we excited? 

Day 10- Writing Challenge Word of the Day:

It has been a blessing in disguise that I have been able to see, first hand, how solitude and boredom manifests within a soul.  Due to the fact that I have nothing but time, I have the time to write, to document what is happening around me, within me. Our world is not as it once was, all within ten days or so. I am working hard to try to keep a system on what day it is, whether it is day or night and trying to figure out time, since I failed to wear my watch prior to the panic and the isolation.  If I could go back above ground, I would be sure to grab my watch, along with a book, as I have read ten of the fifteen that I decided, a week before we would enter our underground safe haven, to add to our supplies. Now, I wish I had been stocking up on books, as I had been on general supplies, as it is the solitude that is sure to do me in. 

We have made the best of our time trying to occupy ourselves with cards, playing with the girls, cleaning and cooking, but our supplies are separated into rations, so even cooking is moderate.  My Mom is idle, or as idle as she can be. We were working on learning knitting and crocheting, which has been keeping her mind, and hands steady. That can be said about my Grandma also. She has doily's all around the safe haven that are beautiful and intricate. 

I steady my own self with writing, or cuddling my girls, who have been adjusting fine with lack of TV or cable.  I was smart enough to bring a piano down for them, as it has been helping with keeping the music alive around us and keeping spirits a bit brighter than they might be. 

The men busy themselves with talk of dreams for when we get out of here, although, I can see it in everyone's face that there is fear we might never, again.  

I have tried to stay positive, but this last week has been brutal on everyone. We are tired, but rested. We are busy in the mind without actual duties. We are running out of hope, but we all knew that this could happen. We all knew that we could be held underground for a time. 

Resources are still strong, as Johnie and I had calculated, time and time again, how much, what rations, and how to make this work.  This piece made me feel good. We had held up our end, and because of our calculations, our dedication to the unknown, we are all still alive. 

I am eager, however, to adventure back to the surface. After talking, quietly to Johnie, I learned that my Dad, his own and himself are planning to try to re-dig the tunnel to the surface in a few weeks time. We are going to hole up down here for a few more weeks, a month total, and see if anything above has changed. 

Those images of what we left behind chase me, regularly.  I feel as if I have died. It sounds ridiculous, unless you were in my own shoes. I am here, with my family, and feel tremendously thankful for this, but at the same token, I feel so alone, as if the realms of reality have shifted and I am stuck in some other dimension, much like I feel would happen in death. But, I am not dead. I am very much alive.  I am working hard to keep myself, and my family alive, which was our goal, Johnie and me, right? 

The loneliness brings thoughts to the forefront of my girls, living out the rest of their lives, growing old, underground. Growing up with the light of the sun. I have to refrain from these thoughts, as they bring on a great depression. How meaningless the sun may seem, how much we have taken that one bright light for granted. 

It is late. I am trying to keep the girls on a schedule, as best I can. I try to keep everyone on a schedule so that we all sleep, rest.  I don't know what is to come. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. All I know is that for tonight, as I am getting ready to tuck myself in, cozy in the blankets of the air mattress that I share with my husband, the man that I have, that I get to hold and love, no matter what happens next, I am safe. We have food and water for tomorrow. We have a dry place to lay our heads and we are together as a family. I can not be greedy. I can not ask God for more.  I am thankful for what I have in this moment, even if the not knowing what is happening on the surface is slowly killing me.  I will make sure that my girls survive this, if it takes all I have. 

Until tomorrow...I bid you farewell. 

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The depression is starting to come out in Kasey, that we can see. 

I am writing this in her perspective, as her eyes only. I feel that I am gaining more emotion by doing so. She is my main character, feeling the burdens that this new world has brought forth onto her and dealing with taking on the responsibility to tell everyone's story. 

Stop on by tomorrow for Day 11- and an interesting word of the day. It might be a challenge to fit this one into your story scheme but I have faith in us all! 

~Kelley