Day 14- Remember...being a MOTHER is a GIFT!

I will hold you tight, support you, guide you, teach you, hug you, protect you, and love you with all my heart and soul... 

I AM YOUR PARENT

Since the day you were born and until I draw my last breath, all that I am is YOURS.    I Love you.  (unk)

It is the hardest JOB that I have ever had.  It requires lots of hours, overtime and wearing a lot of hats, and no weekend days off!  It is more than a JOB, really, it is a calling and a gift, wrapped into one.  I lack a job description, or I have yet to find one that fits, as I have rolled the die twice now and the book I could have written for my first born would have gotten thrown out of the window with my second!  They are each unique in their own way, which requires a unique approach to parenting to go with that. (Fun, when your oldest is five and knows that you handled her parenting completely different and CALLS YOU OUT ON IT!) 

Hey, it is just part of the job!  

Would I trade it ?  HECK NO!  I mean, seriously, there are moments when life is chaotic , hectic and insane...to say that least...and I sit there and think to myself, hmm..what would I have been doing six years ago.  The answer is simple... NOT THIS!  And guess what, I just remember life being crazy boring.  Is that weird?  Totally, right!  But, it is so true.  I have said before, my kiddos will go for an overnight with their Grandparents and our house is eerily quiet...like enough to make you mental! That is weird!  I sit here in the quiet house, with my Hubby and all I can think of is those rotten little brats..ehh, my precious little girls.  (They are good kids!) 

I mean, should I not be thinking about how great it feels to not have my kids, bugging me so much I can not even sit down and enjoy a movie with my Hubby?  Well, maybe that is true, but that is NOT what is going on.  I think it effects Hubby too!  I know they get talked about a lot when they are absent. Probably more so than when they are hoovering around us. 

Truth be told, I do feel that my role as a Mom is a gift.  It is a blessing to have perfect kids and to be able to live my days with them in my life.  It aint always easy, but it has its own rewards! 

Day 13- Do NOT Criticize your child/children today.

We have enough critics.  Be an encourager. One sincere word of encouragement after failure is worth more than a day of praise after success. Unk~

Our children start as little pieces of play doh, really.   We are helping to mold them into the people we hope them to be become, aren't we?  So, it is super important to ensure that we are not criticizing our kids along the way.  After all, they are already dealing with Bullying and Peer pressure in school, why not make H O M E a safe place for all the negativity?  

Think Positive!

Use positive words and encourage your children to be themselves.  Don't put them down, do help with self esteem, because that is a BIG area that can really make or break a child.

Walk a mile in my shoes, see what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel, THEN maybe you'll understand why I do what I do, 'till them, don't judge me.  Unk~

Let's talk Self-Esteem:

Self-Esteem is similar to self-worth or how much a person values himself/herself.  This can change from day to day or year to year, but overall self-esteem develops from infancy to adulthood.

Self-esteem can be defined as a feeling of being capable and loved.  A child who is happy with something they did, but does not feel loved can experience low self-esteem.  Likewise, if a child feels loved but unsure of their abilities, they can develop low self-esteem.  Healthy self-esteem comes from a good balance of both. 

Self-esteem starts very early in life.  It is based on the concept of success followed by effort and persistence.  Once adulthood is reached, it is harder to make changes on how a person sees and defines themselves.

As kids try and fail, it is important that they feel like they can try and fail again, until they finally succeed.  This allows children to develop ideas about their own capabilities.  Parental involvement is key here, to help children form accurate, healthy self perceptions.

How can you help?  Well, easy. Show encouragement and enjoyment.  Avoid focusing on one specific area, like a successful test taken, this will show kids that they are only as valuable as their test scores and we don't want that. Be excited about many different things they do and be genuine. 

What to do if you notice unhealthy Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem will adjust here and there as your child grows. The effect is from your child's experiences and new perceptions.  If you child doesn't want to try new things or talks about themselves in a negative manner, this shows frustration and disappointment in themselves.  This can put your child at risk for stress and difficulties in solving different kinds of problems and challenges as they happen. 

What are signs of a Healthy Self-Esteem?

How to tell if you child has a healthy self-esteem is pretty easy.  Your child will be comfortable in any setting with other children.  When they are met with a challenge, they work at finding a solution.  They find optimism in the situations they are dealing with.

What can I, the Parent, DO?

Be careful what you say to your kids.  Children can be sensitive to parents's words. This is where praise comes in. Praise your kiddo not only for a job well done, but for the effort they put it.  Be truthful!  

Right:  "Well, you didn't make the team, but I am really proud of the effort you put into it." 

Wrong: "Well, next time you'll work harder and make it." 

Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.

It is important to help your child overcome a disappointment and allows them to understand that they can not be great at everything and that it is OK. It makes us all unique.

Be a positive role model.  Don't show them YOU being harsh on yourself because your kid will eventually mirror you.  

Nurture your own self-esteem and they will have a great role model. 

Identify and Redirect Inaccurate beliefs.  Your kids are going to have irrational beliefs from time to time about themselves but as a Parent, we need to identity these moments and help them set more accurate standards, be more realistic and find a healthy self-concept. 

These irrational beliefs can set your child up for failure in life, so it is very important to shed some light and find reality.

Be Spontaneous and Affectionate.  Did you ever know that your love can help boost your child's self-esteem?

  

Give your kids hugs, tell them your proud of them.  Give praise often, but again, be genuine. 

Give positive, accurate feedback.  If you are always saying things like "All you ever do is cry." you will make your child feel like they have no self control.  Instead, try to get them to talk it out.  "I see you are very upset but I would love to hear why you are feeling so sad about..."  I am acknowledging my child's feelings and encouraging my child to talk about her feelings. 

Create a safe, loving home environment.  If your child does NOT feel safe, they are at the greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem.  A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may feel they have no control over their environment and become helpless or depressed.  This also goes for problems in school, trouble with peers and other factors that could alter your child's self-esteem.  

Encourage your kids to talk to you and help with solving problems that are too big for them to solve themselves.

Help kids become involved in constructive experiences.  Find activities that encourage cooperation, rather than competition.  

Find ways to contribute to positive self-esteem.

As a parent, taking responsibility and pride in who you are is a sure sign of healthy self-esteem and the greatest gift parents can give to their children.

Why I believe in this....

Being a kid is hard. I get it.  The one thing I want for my kids is for them to have a happy childhood.  I want to be the person who tells them regularly that I am proud of them encourages them to be themselves in all things.  I have a five year old, who sadly, has already had to deal with bullying and it has left an imprint on her. I am working hard to make sure that my kids get the most out of life and that no one kills their fire.  That is the most important thing that I can do as a parent. I work hard not to be the person who criticizes in most things, instead I encourage. When my oldest brushes her hair and it looks like a rats nest, it is important to tell her what a good job she is doing and although I will tell her that I am just going to help out with a spot she missed, she is growing up.  (for the most part, she brushes before bed and let's me do the hair styles for school so no teasing can ensue)  The fact of the matter is that genuinely, I am so proud of both of my girls.  They are each so different in every way and I could not be happier about that fact.

#proudmama

#donotcriticize

#worryaboutyou

#mystory

~Kel

Because my girls and I love Victoria Justice:

Day 12- Pray for Wisdom

We all make mistakes...even Mommies

Last night was a rough one in our house.  

Me versus my sick three year old who has broken "listening" ears and an over protective BIG SISTER. 

 

Sleep deprivation was the cause, that much I am sure of.  It was a child jumping on her bed, which is in front of a window and lacking a headboard (I am on it!) and images from this Momma of her little, tiny, three year old falling into that said window, glass breaking and her tumbling to the ground, way, way down.  It is a horrible image, one that I could do without. 

It is a rule in our house....No Jumping on the beds.  We have this rule because one five year old tumbled off her bed into her big dresser and hurt herself really bad. Luckily, it was not a trip to the ER, but close.

So, after repeated attempts to get Miss Three from jumping on her bed and her repeatedly NOT listening to one word that was leaving my mouth, I started taking things away.  Everytime she did NOT listen, she lost another stuffed animal.

Animals were literally flying into the hallway.  

Acrossed the hall my anxious five year old was showing signs of a meltdown.  I tried to be calm, but after her angst and screaming and yelling she got a swat on her bottom and was ordered to return to her room and mind her own business. (So much for NOT YELLING!)  All this was going on while my three year old finally sat down on her bed, realizing that I had taken her precious Minnie to meet her fate of living in the white plastic bag until Miss Three could EARN her back with better behavior.  This process seemed to have been lost in translation with my five year old, who scratched the crap out of me while I was loading up the plastic bag full of fresh goodies. More yelling ensued and finally, I just walked away. So much for remaining calm and firmly planted- MOM.  Not exactly my proudest moment- let's just say! 

While I went downstairs to cool my growing, raging temper off, my five year old had worked herself into a complete meltdown and the result was PUKE. 

Lots and lots of puke.  

It was all over my freshly shampoo'ed carpets.  I was calm at this point...well somewhat calm.  I filled my bowl with warm water and dish soap, grabbed my paper towels and scrub brush and went up to make sure she was OK and calming down before I tackled the mess.

During clean up, with us both calm...we talked it through.  I explained that I had not handled myself correctly, she explained the same.  She told me that she did not know that her sisters stuffed animals could be earned back and thought they would be gone forever.  She then told me that it was my job to let her know what was going on...Um, she is FIVE!  I had to calm, rationally explain to her that I was Mom and the only person who I was expected to explain my stance with was Dad, of which she understood...somewhat. 

I am somewhat confused because this is the same actions that are done for her when she acts out and this is how she has learned making the right decision versus the wrong ones.  All in all, she was terrified that Santa saw her behavior, of which I reassured her that we all make mistakes and Santa understands that. It is how we learn from them that is important. 

Talk about a ROUGH night! 

The funniest part is that while ALL this is going on, my three year old finally fell asleep! That is just crazy! It had a profound affect on my five year old though, which is hard because it really had nothing to do with her in the first place. She was not even instigating her sister, for once!

Enough about the drama of our household, but I think that it does have something to go with Wisdom.  

It is the wisdom to understand mistakes and learn from them and try not to make the same mistakes.  

It is about learning, which, young or old, we are always doing, right!

Pray for Wisdom

And because, I think this is important:

~Kel

Day 11- A letter to my Kids

Words should be spoken that are often left unsaid...

Today it is important to recognize our children, after all they are the reason we get the exclusive, all important title of M O M!

To my oldest daughter.... I am so glad that you are my daughter because you are unique and special soul.  You are so full of life and bright eyed about the world in which you live.  You are a joy to be around and so much fun at the same time...except maybe when you are grumpy...but we will let that slide!

You are excited to learn, eager to please and very independent in this life. (which worries me some, but I know that you are strong) 

 You have grown up so fast, it seems, and although we have had tough roads behind us, we have found common grounds before us. (which is relief because you really had me questioning whether I was going to make it out alive!) 

I am so excited to see what the future holds for you, knowing that no matter what it is you will do what makes your heart happy, which I for one, could not be more proud of!

Keep learning, keep growing and never be anyone but who you were truly meant to be!

   

To my youngest daughter...I am thrilled that you are my daughter because you are the light of our lives.  You have brought laughter and fun to our home and made everyday completely unpredictable. (This being said from your Mama who has order OCD.)  You are a treat to be with, your sweet heart is the best and your actions are always pure and genuine.  I will not let anyone break your good nature'd spirit, I promise you that.  You are going to be an amazing person in this world, I can feel it. Your Sister and you are close and that is all I could have asked God to grant to us.  You will always be one another's side, pushing each other to be better and always having one another's back.  

At the tender age of three, you are a button pusher, we can see this already, but there is love enveloping our home and for that I feel like the richest person in the world!

    

As a Mom, I am lucky, as you two girls really have been a breeze to raise.  We have used positive reinforcement and pushed in each of you to make your own decisions, but warned that you must choose wisely, for there are consequences to your actions. 

Of course, I am a Bulldog Mom too!  To my Otis, you are a perfect fit for our family.  You are lazy and stinky and snore really loud, but we love you so much.  You go outside by yourself and come back to the door when  you are finished, you tell us when you are hungry and even hug us when we are sad.   You are the best dog that we could ever have and are so glad to call you Our Dog!

    

~ConfessionsofagratefulMom

~Kel

Day 10... Todays MOM Focus: J O Y

J O Y in Motherhood

The  J O Y in Motherhood comes in MOMENTS. 

There will be hard times, and frustrating times.  

But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of JOY and satisfaction.

by: Elder M. Russel Ballard

Truer words have never been spoken in my opinion.  There are so many moments when you literally want to cry over spilled milk (or in my case this morning...spilled cough medicine)- but you can't, after all it just takes some bounty and a little extra work to clean it all up.  

There are moments when you want to scream because your little angels will not listen to you...or appear to be deaf to your voice, no matter the tone.  

There are moments when you want to walk out of the door, throw your hands up and shout to God, "I give!"  Because some days feel more like a test of your strength and will, than life at all.  

But, then...among the crazy days, there lies this little sliver of heaven.  There are small words spoken, actions taken that make you smile, proud even.  I think that this 

J O Y is much more recognizable when your child reaches school age, but it does happen!

OUR CHALLENGE: 

Today's Mom focus: J O Y   - identify the JOY in Motherhood

My five year old (going on thirty, I might add) is a  J O Y.  I mean, don't get me wrong, we still have our knock down, drag outs- but for the most part there is a place where we can reason with one another.  I cant believe that I am saying this at age five...but she is an Old Soul, that one... and very determined in all she does.  She likes to make her own choices and I can say that I take pride in knowing that for the most part, she chooses wisely!

Now, my three year old is at that lovely stubborn, "not gonna listen to you", busy, busy, busy stage in life.  She is sweet and silly and so much fun..but she can also be quite the bugger! And let me tell you, right now we are super sick and it has not been anything to write to Mama about!  But, we still have our moments, like yesterday, riding home in the car she is listening intently to Taylor Swift and blurts out "I can write my Name...Mama."  Yes, yes she can and she practiced real hard to be able to do that, so that made me smile because that is something I am very proud of her for, and obviously, she is proud too!

But, then there was a talk that she had with her Dad over the weekend...so in the bathtub she tells me that she will be leaving soon.  I eyed her curiously. "Leaving soon, where?" "Its OK Mama, I am gonna miss you but I gotta go."  I walked cautiously on this line that she was feeding me! Turns out, Daddy-O told her that she can't live in our house forever and someday she would move out and get a house of her own.  Guess it made an impact because to be quite frank, she seems rather excited to leave us and very reassuring that it will be OK.  Mind blowing to me that she would remember this convo with her Dad, let alone bid her farewells!  I had to explain that she would probably leave us a long time from now and that she could always come back.  She responded "After you take me to Meet Minnie?" 

Again, a conversation we had to have the other day about Disney World and No we can't go in December when our oldest's friend is going ...but when our Three year old is old enough to remember!  

Then Miss Three year old informs me that she is going to get married and her boy will buy her a big Belle costume for Halloween to wear.  Yes, he better....is my thoughts! LOL

I feel JOY everyday with my little ladies.  I could not image life without them.  Motherhood in itself is a joyous occasion and add little ones and it makes it so much more sweet! (Even if we have rough days.) I have grown to think that for every good day we have, it erases a handful of the rough ones! Must be doing something right...

(Remains to be seen!)

~Kel

Day 9- Mom Challenge "Picture yourself at your child's age. Remember how you felt."

Another day...Another challenge question...

Today is all about memories. I think that this goes hand in hand with what the challenge is about, as a whole.  I mean, after an intense convo with my Hubby the other night, and of all things it had to do with Parenting and Football, it all boils down to respect.  

I mean, if you want your child to respect you, should you NOT respect them?  

I don't want this to get confused with disabling your parenting skills, but when they talk, shouldn't you listen? You do, after all want them to listen when you talk, right?  Don't they learn by example?  

So our Challenge Question today is:

Picture yourself at your Child's Age.  Remember how you felt?

Me with my Mom @ age 4

If I go back to my little self in Kindergarten, and think about what I was doing and where I was, I am instantly filled with a few memories of a fun, happy environment.  I remember Kindergarten and my Teacher, Ms. Foraker, and the kids in my class. I remember my carpet square, it was blue, always had to be blue.  I remember sitting in the "circle" sharing our show 'n tell stuff. I have no recollection of what I actually brought to show n' tell though.  I remember playing, we had a lot of toys to play with in the classroom for cook, teacher, there were blocks and cars.  It was always up-beat and fun. I don't really remember learning though. I guess we were in our own way, but I don't remember having a time where we sat and learned our alphabet or such- maybe we did those things on the carpets?  But I do know that everyone was kind and we all got along- for the most part.  Although, I remember being a little rude to a boy who used to be quite bothersome.. We did not have "bullying" in those days- gosh that makes me sound ancient!

My youngest

I remember being happy about school and excited to go to school.  I remember the first day I went and being nervous, I think I might have cried when my Mom left me.  That is ironic because my child had to ride a school bus, by herself on her first day.  She had to go into her room all by herself and did not even have the opportunity to see me leave her besides when she got on that bus. (That was a nerve racking day for me and I remember feeling so emotional for just "leaving" her)

My Oldest

I know that my kiddo is strong and LOVES school.  I could not be happier by that fact!  I know that so far this year we have had our share of bullying and name calling, which had shocked me because they are only five! 

I often try to put myself in my kids shoes, to help see her perspective.  We had first week tears, as some kids did not want to play with her on the playground at recess, or an incident where another classmate was telling her to get out of the bathroom when she was in there...unfortunately, they sat at the same table in class and were excused to the bathroom break together. I wanted to cry. She was strong.  I think that so far, this has been my own battle, hearing other children be mean to my child. I guess that is why I have learned how to go about addressing the situation, be it with my kiddo or if it has escalated into an "unsafe" place, to her teacher. It is rough out here for parents!

I do, however, never forget that she is a kid and that these experiences will mold her into the person she will become. I can say that she has handled herself quiet well, better than myself and I could NOT be prouder.