Day 13- Do NOT Criticize your child/children today.

We have enough critics.  Be an encourager. One sincere word of encouragement after failure is worth more than a day of praise after success. Unk~

Our children start as little pieces of play doh, really.   We are helping to mold them into the people we hope them to be become, aren't we?  So, it is super important to ensure that we are not criticizing our kids along the way.  After all, they are already dealing with Bullying and Peer pressure in school, why not make H O M E a safe place for all the negativity?  

Think Positive!

Use positive words and encourage your children to be themselves.  Don't put them down, do help with self esteem, because that is a BIG area that can really make or break a child.

Walk a mile in my shoes, see what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel, THEN maybe you'll understand why I do what I do, 'till them, don't judge me.  Unk~

Let's talk Self-Esteem:

Self-Esteem is similar to self-worth or how much a person values himself/herself.  This can change from day to day or year to year, but overall self-esteem develops from infancy to adulthood.

Self-esteem can be defined as a feeling of being capable and loved.  A child who is happy with something they did, but does not feel loved can experience low self-esteem.  Likewise, if a child feels loved but unsure of their abilities, they can develop low self-esteem.  Healthy self-esteem comes from a good balance of both. 

Self-esteem starts very early in life.  It is based on the concept of success followed by effort and persistence.  Once adulthood is reached, it is harder to make changes on how a person sees and defines themselves.

As kids try and fail, it is important that they feel like they can try and fail again, until they finally succeed.  This allows children to develop ideas about their own capabilities.  Parental involvement is key here, to help children form accurate, healthy self perceptions.

How can you help?  Well, easy. Show encouragement and enjoyment.  Avoid focusing on one specific area, like a successful test taken, this will show kids that they are only as valuable as their test scores and we don't want that. Be excited about many different things they do and be genuine. 

What to do if you notice unhealthy Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem will adjust here and there as your child grows. The effect is from your child's experiences and new perceptions.  If you child doesn't want to try new things or talks about themselves in a negative manner, this shows frustration and disappointment in themselves.  This can put your child at risk for stress and difficulties in solving different kinds of problems and challenges as they happen. 

What are signs of a Healthy Self-Esteem?

How to tell if you child has a healthy self-esteem is pretty easy.  Your child will be comfortable in any setting with other children.  When they are met with a challenge, they work at finding a solution.  They find optimism in the situations they are dealing with.

What can I, the Parent, DO?

Be careful what you say to your kids.  Children can be sensitive to parents's words. This is where praise comes in. Praise your kiddo not only for a job well done, but for the effort they put it.  Be truthful!  

Right:  "Well, you didn't make the team, but I am really proud of the effort you put into it." 

Wrong: "Well, next time you'll work harder and make it." 

Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.

It is important to help your child overcome a disappointment and allows them to understand that they can not be great at everything and that it is OK. It makes us all unique.

Be a positive role model.  Don't show them YOU being harsh on yourself because your kid will eventually mirror you.  

Nurture your own self-esteem and they will have a great role model. 

Identify and Redirect Inaccurate beliefs.  Your kids are going to have irrational beliefs from time to time about themselves but as a Parent, we need to identity these moments and help them set more accurate standards, be more realistic and find a healthy self-concept. 

These irrational beliefs can set your child up for failure in life, so it is very important to shed some light and find reality.

Be Spontaneous and Affectionate.  Did you ever know that your love can help boost your child's self-esteem?

  

Give your kids hugs, tell them your proud of them.  Give praise often, but again, be genuine. 

Give positive, accurate feedback.  If you are always saying things like "All you ever do is cry." you will make your child feel like they have no self control.  Instead, try to get them to talk it out.  "I see you are very upset but I would love to hear why you are feeling so sad about..."  I am acknowledging my child's feelings and encouraging my child to talk about her feelings. 

Create a safe, loving home environment.  If your child does NOT feel safe, they are at the greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem.  A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may feel they have no control over their environment and become helpless or depressed.  This also goes for problems in school, trouble with peers and other factors that could alter your child's self-esteem.  

Encourage your kids to talk to you and help with solving problems that are too big for them to solve themselves.

Help kids become involved in constructive experiences.  Find activities that encourage cooperation, rather than competition.  

Find ways to contribute to positive self-esteem.

As a parent, taking responsibility and pride in who you are is a sure sign of healthy self-esteem and the greatest gift parents can give to their children.

Why I believe in this....

Being a kid is hard. I get it.  The one thing I want for my kids is for them to have a happy childhood.  I want to be the person who tells them regularly that I am proud of them encourages them to be themselves in all things.  I have a five year old, who sadly, has already had to deal with bullying and it has left an imprint on her. I am working hard to make sure that my kids get the most out of life and that no one kills their fire.  That is the most important thing that I can do as a parent. I work hard not to be the person who criticizes in most things, instead I encourage. When my oldest brushes her hair and it looks like a rats nest, it is important to tell her what a good job she is doing and although I will tell her that I am just going to help out with a spot she missed, she is growing up.  (for the most part, she brushes before bed and let's me do the hair styles for school so no teasing can ensue)  The fact of the matter is that genuinely, I am so proud of both of my girls.  They are each so different in every way and I could not be happier about that fact.

#proudmama

#donotcriticize

#worryaboutyou

#mystory

~Kel

Because my girls and I love Victoria Justice: