I am a Mom. I am a Wife. I have not 1 but 2 daughters and am the "role model" in my household.
I was thinking recently, what are some things that I want to instill in my daughters? Something that I want to make sure they always know and will use throughout their lives?
What were some things that you took throughout your life?
Whoever wakes up in the morning and says that their life is "perfect" with a "perfect" house and "perfect" kids and "perfect perfections of perfect" is full of beans! Everyone has a bad day from time to time and guess what it is OK! I say this because as a Mom, I am not "perfect" and as a wife, I am not "perfect" and I am just fine with these facts. Does it mean I do not strive to be "perfect?" Well, I know that the idea of "perfect" is not a reality but an illusion, so I strive, instead, to be the best ME I can be for that day and find satisfaction in knowing that I gave it my all.
Why am I talking in circles you ask? Well, I have two lovely daughters, two incredibly caring, warm and completely different girls who were given to me to care for and lead their way on their journey to adulthood. (Whoa, that's deep!) I have two girls who cry (a lot) and fight and bicker and sing and dance and are happy and sad and mad within minutes of each other. I have two girls who are beautiful and sweet but can be a handful and sometimes just down right mean. My job is to find balance on top of all these sweet* emotions. I have to find ways to keep them on the right path, to build values and to make sure they are true to themselves. This has brought on a whole new meaning to "role model" for me. This has also taught me to teach them that there is no such thing as "perfect."
Here is an interesting fact, thinking back to before kids, I never thought I would have girls. I always pictured my future and it always seemed like I was destined to have boys. Imagine my surprise on #2's gender reveal when they said, "its a girl." Needless to say, I could never imagine not having these two ladies in my life. They are dramatic and sassy and bossy and loud, but they are also such a joy, so refreshing and unique and just plain amazing to me.
But, having girls also means that the playing field is set up completely different. I think that when you think of having a boy, it is all a little more relaxed. I think that the "talks" I will need to have with my girls would not happen if I had boys.
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Stop and think about it for a minute, I mean as a girl, we deal with self image, self esteem, hormones, emotions, there is the vanity part of being a girl, fitting in, then dating..oh lord please help me! There are so many more aspects to being a girl and the things that girls deal with compared to what boys have to deal with. Girls are so complicated! Their minds are complex, their hearts are fueled with emotions. So, I am sitting down, thinking about what I want my girls to know, to believe, to help them through their journey in life.
This is my list for my beautiful girls, please always remember these things and I hope they help your journey be a little easier, a little less stressful and help you be a better person because of it:
1- Most important: You are Beautiful! You don't need diets, makeup or to be a size zero. You are you and that is the most beautiful thing ever.
2- You are loved by so many people. Dad and I love you so much. Nana, Papa, Grandma P, Uncle Tony, Papa Glen...just to name a few, we all love you. More than us, you are loved by God and nothing you do or could do will ever change this fact.
3- No matter how old you get, guess what, you will always be my Baby. You also can't change the fact that I will always be your Mom.
4- I am so lucky because I get to be your best friend and your Mom, but I will always be your Mom first so be gentle with me when your all grown up.
5- I will always be here to lift you back up from a broken heart. And yes, you will get your heart broken, that is why God has given us recipes for Cookie Dough and Brownies!
6- I will always fight for you but I will also teach you to fight your own battles. I want you to be a powerful woman. To stand up for yourself and always be true to you.
7- You will have a home with Dad and I. No matter what the situation is, we will always be here, this will always be your home.
8- This one is important: Marry your best friend. I did and with that I found true happiness. Live by God's definition of what a wife is and have a man who will live by God's definition of what a husband is. It is OK to make him prove that he will fight for you, it will make your marriage stronger. You will find that Marriage is not easy and requires this extra work from both of you. Communication is the secret and teamwork.
9- The day you were born was the day we bonded. I will always feel your hurt and cry your tears, I will always share your happiness and joys throughout life. My heart is a part of yours.
10- Your Dad will always love you. He will love you forever. He will be tougher on you, expect more out of you because of this love. He is scared to see you grow up, so be patient with him.
11- Go to school. Challenge yourself. It will be worth it, I promise. Don't stop at your Bachelor's either. It is a minute moment in life and it might seem like forever, it really isn't.
12- Dance. Dance whenever, where you can, even when you think it is silly. We did this a lot when you were little and would laugh and laugh and it was a lasting memory for me, and I hope it will be for you too.
13- You are Never to old to love Disney. Love all the movies you loved as a little girl and never forget how they made you feel.
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14- Enjoy food. Like it. Don't become a slave to it, don't use it to feed your happiness, but do eat, please!
15- I will make mistakes and screw up. I will apologize. I will try to make it better with an "I'm Sorry" and I will mean it.
16- Never be afraid to talk to me. Talk to me about everything and anything. I will not judge, I will not tell you what to do, instead I promise to listen. I don't care what time it is either.
17- Tattoos are OK in our house, but remember they are permanent, try to be tasteful, but always be you. You can also always dye your hair when you need a change. Change is good.
18- Always work hard. Work hard even when you don't have to. Find something your are passionate about and work at it.
19- Travel. Travel before you settle down and have kids. Travel when you do.
20- Another important one: Your first kiss. We will celebrate, we will have champagne and talk and make it as special as it should be.
21- You will always want to say that you should wait... for marriage... for kids... until you are financially stable.
It is a lie. You won't ever have enough money, so don't wait, but do plan ahead. Make sure that it is what you want and what your heart is telling you. Listen to God for hints.
22- It is OK to say sorry first. Saying sorry proves that the relationship is more valuable than just being right.
23- It is OK to cry. Sometimes you just need to cry, whether it is happy tears or sad, it is OK.
24- PMS is not an excuse. Try something herbal, it works. Green tea also helps with crabbiness.
25- You will question at one point in your life if you are a "Good Mom". Your ability to love and nurture defines what a good Mom is, not what kind of house you live in or if you cook homemade dinners or what your kids wear. Always remember this. It will be important at some point in your life.
26- Take chances, risks. If you fail, it is OK, you are going somewhere. Don't be afraid. Failure means you are strong because you tried, but God has another path for you to take right now.
27- Have faith and make it your own. You can believe in whatever way works for you and that is fine with Dad and I. Just believe.
28- Please know that a number will never define who you are. It doesn't matter what you GPA is, what your age is or how much money you have in the bank. Most importantly, the number on the scale will never define who you are, it is just a number, not a reflection on the person you will be.
29- Make plans. Sometimes they will happen, most of the time they will not. Don't be scared of the change that will happen when they don't pan out, just modify them and try again.
30- Money does not grow on trees, no matter what you might believe. We all have to work hard to have money. Save as much as you can. Splurge once in a while. But, don't live your life through money, don't let money live life for you either. It is a superficial part of life, break free and be creative.
31- When they say, "having a baby changes everything" - guess what, they really mean it! It will change what you thought you knew about life, about marriage and about kids. Be prepared. Be strong and be hopeful. You will get through it.
32- Don't forget to laugh. Laughter is the best medicine and will help to keep you sane.
33- Forgive. It is hard but do it anyways. It doesn't mean you have to forget but you will live your life a little better without the stress of stubbornness. Life is too short.
34- Time is precious. Time together is more valuable than any amount of money. Remember this when you have a family.
35- Pray. God is listening.
36- Celebrate every Birthday you have. Even when I am not here, celebrate the way I always have on your birthday. You are my gift and it is the day when I get to spoil you rotten. You deserve it!
37- Never judge a book by its cover. You never know the whole story.
38- Other people's happiness is not your responsibility. Do not try and make it. (Words your Mom should listen to!)
39- You are a gift from God, given to Dad and I, one that we did not deserve. We are trying our best, giving our all. We pray a lot.
40- Carrying you was the most amazing 9 months of my life. I love being your Mom. From the day I found out I was pregnant to the day I die, my greatest source of joy is being able to call myself your Mom.
41- People are always going to think what they want about you. Don't let it get to you. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what others think, it is about what you think. On that note, beauty is found in who we are, not what you look like.
42- You are never to old to cuddle. Especially with me. If you need a hug, I am here.
43- Marriages are not built on dates and passion, but instead they are built on folding laundry, lazy mornings and washing dishes. This is real.
44- Always trust your instincts. You are aware and capable of more than you realize. I will always push your further as part of my job as your Mom.
45- You will never know how much I love you. There is nothing that you could do to ever make me love you any less.
Please listen to Christina Aguilara's "Beautiful" - it summarizes just how I hope you will always feel. Other people don't matter. This is not their life, this is your life. If you get bullied in High School, stand tall, keep your head up and stay true to who you are. It is four years of your life and then those people will be remnants of your past. Never forget who you want to be, make your life what you want and always reach for the stars, even the ones that seem so far away you will never get to them, never give up. Find your source of happiness, find your light and your purpose and live this life for all it's worth.
Beautiful Lyrics
"Beautiful" is track #7 on the album Stripped.
My girls are my drive. You have made me a better person, you have always brought the worst out in me at time, but that is OK, it puts it into perspective to strive for better. I took on my role as a Mom, shook hands with it and made it my own and kept expecting more out of myself until I stopped and looked at God's plan for me and it all made sense. I am a protector, I am worried and scared and annoyed sometimes too, I am tired and cranky, happy and sometimes I am even sad. That is my role as a Mom, to show both of you that it is OK. I don't have a handbook. What works for one does not for the other and it is about me figuring out what works and how to creatively parent.
I am on an incredible journey right now to finding myself, to taking on my role as a Godly wife and a Mom and an employee and I am learning as I go and that is OK. We will all be fine, we will all learn and we will be better for it.
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This is our journey. We will grow, we will love, laugh, we will be happy and sad, were going to get mad and upset and feeling will be hurt along the way, but we will always have one another. We will always know what love it and create memories on this path.
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I will love my Hubby for eternity and then some. I will love my girls the same. I love my life, even when it is hard and I want to do nothing more than crawl up into a ball on the floor and cry, it makes me stronger, it gives me perspective and drive and teaches me not to take anything for granted. Life is fast and you never know what tomorrow will bring so live in the moment and make memories, lots of them!
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I love you girls...to the moon and back.. You will ways be my sunshine when skies are gray, you will never know how much I love you and I pray no one takes that sunshine away.
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KJ (my Moon)
KM (my Sun)
Love,
~MOM~
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