A letter to my Hubby...July 2014
Through the years our lives have changed so much.
We have gone from just the two of us to the three of us and finally to the four of us and with that we have learned how to be a TEAM, how to handle everyday life, no matter how hard it has been. We have overcome many obstacles in our journey and grown together because of them. It has been a challenge to learn how to share love and how to find time and how to circle back around to having a relationship with one another with children.
I can't say it better than this:
There have been days when you walk in the door and I didn't even turn around. I was preoccupied! Whether it was filling sippy cups and wiping booties, I was too busy. Then the times when I had to shout over running bath water, "Hey, Glad you are home!" But it didn't mean what it used to mean. You know those days when we did not have children. When the meaning was full of eager anticipation to spend time together.
Instead, it was full of expectation to aid in the demands of the family. "Glad you're home," more properly translated to, "Thank God for two extra hands to help me." And, "Ahh, I might get five minutes alone."
Then the days came when I spent every last ounce of myself on our children. The demands of life and the kids came before any other priority. What little of me that I had left at the end of the day was used to crawl into bed before someone awoke to need me all over again. the thought of doing anything else after the children were asleep sounded impossible and your happy smile could and should ONLY mean you were willing to get up with the baby and nothing more.
You had once completed my heart and then you become one more person who needed me. The charming things that I fell for went completely unnoticed. The daily grind will become expected.
There have been many times when I was at my wit's end wearing other people's food and poop on my clothes. I still needed to hear that I was beautiful, but I wasn't listening to you. I needed to know that I was still love-able, but I didn't want you near me. When you arrive home after meeting the demands of work, I expected you to meet the demands of your family. I would hear none of your exhaustion, and you would be oblivious to mine.
I know that when you would call home to ask a quick question and anticipated an equally quick conversation, you instead spent time listening to me talk to our kids, giving out directions to the kids. "Don't climb that!" or "Don't put that in your mouth!" You have become accustomed to my outbursts, but I know that you will not forget that there was ever a time when you had my full attention.
I still remember when Mommy becomes my name, but I still remember YOU. I remember that I am your wife. I remember how much I love and appreciate you now in this moment and then. I remember your dedication to US. I remember your love and devotion to ME. And then, when the days are long and I just need a break, I remember to fall into your arms and you are still there for me.
I have asked that you remember me as your wife. The care and love that I has given all to you, was spilling over to our children. My love for you has not changed. Give me the grace to be enough even when I doesn't feel like it. Remember when your days are long, mine are too. Fall in love with me over and over again.
It is so important for us to remember each other. We need to always remember the two of us that made this family. We have held on tightly to one another, even through all the changes. There is no greater gift than to walk through parenthood MY your best friend. We are the greatest team. Every single day.
To everyone out there who experiences these changes, I always say that the commercial where they say, "Having a Baby Changes Everything" is so true. Your life is flipped completely upside down and until you learn to work as a team, it is hard. It gets easier when you have your second one, but time is not on your side. There is so much of the day that goes to juggling kids that at the end, all you want to do is be alone. This is a challenge that will work itself out, it just take...time.. Oh the irony!
We are at a comfortable place in our lives today. We are juggling a three year old and a five year old and our balance is good. We work together, we have found our way. Some days are easier than others, but if we work together, instead of against each other, life is a breeze!
We even get date nights every once in a while, which is awesome because I get to reconnect with my best friend.
I love you!