Will you achieve 40 years of marriage?
I would like to start with a Special Congratulations
this goes out to my Aunt and Uncle who celebrated 40 years of marriage yesterday.
Also, another Congratulations needs to go to my very own Parents, who are embarking on 38 years of marriage.
How do you get to 40 years? How do you get there Happy?
In Today's DAY and AGE, it isn't easy! I mean, pick up the paper and read the Divorces granted section. It grows by the day. It is amazing to me, seeing the names on the paper, seeing their reasons for ending their marriage without any insight as to how long they had been in marriage "bliss" or the leg that their relationships started on. It is in these moments that my heart aches. Relationships are tough, they aren't supposed to be easy. I just think that Divorce is, in some cases, an Easy Out.
I married with a solid foundation. Hubby and I discussed the events that could cause our relationship to end. We talked about ways to make it last, and have worked on the communication points and are even working on taking our relationship back to the bricks that the whole thing was built on. I think the difference for us, in year 8, almost, of our marriage, year 13 of our relationship, is that we understand that not every day is going to be happy, butterflies in our stomachs, smooches in the dark, love and simple and easy going. Reality was apparent from the start. This is NOT to say that we have had problems since the beginning, but we approached our relationship more realistically than most might. We started as friends, dating, laughing, having fun. (torture for yours truly) And built upon that. We were married, enjoying just one another for three years before introducing our children. Now, our kiddos are getting older and we are learning to date one another again, which is exciting, and fun and something that is helping our relationship continue to grow.
How do we get to 40 years of this type of marriage? Ask yourself this same question as you are rolling into the years of your own marriage.
I stopped and looked at my life the other day, almost as if I was not myself, but a stranger looking in and I have to say that while we have had struggles, we have had hard time, we have had hit or misses along the way- our life is damn good. We understand one another, we work together (for the most part) and we provide a good balance to the other..most of the time.
What are some of the issues you and your spouse struggle with?
I can tell you, hands down, our struggle is parenting. We have completely different styles and it leads to not so pretty moments at times. It is a battle that we are both trying to have patience with and trying to figure out.
I know that for some it is money. We have a balance on this issue. I freak out, normally, once a month about money. Not to the point that I am screaming and yelling, but I tend to hyperventilate or worse, have an anxiety attack. Hubby calmly tells me that it will be OK and explains why. I still panic here and there, silently, but at the end of the month, everything works out and it is all OK. I think that hits on Communication and that whole balancing one another out.
I would like to think that we will make it, as we keep moving, keep growing and as we keep finding more things to fall more in love with one another. I think we are on the right road, and finding the right formula for us. I also am not unrealistic to think that every couple married for forty years have never had a fight here and there, or hard times. I think that each couple is different in their own way, in the way they chose to love and the way that they project their life. We are what we are and I am always clear in that statement. Times are happy and good and times are sad and hard. That is real. I wouldn't trade any of them because they have truly made me the person I am today, the wife and mother that I am and that is something in itself.
I congratulate the 40 year couple, as you are an inspiration to both my and my Husband. What you have achieved, the people that you are, it is a great accomplishment for both of you that probably came easy! (as it should!)
For my own Parents, embarking on 38 years, I have watched the growth, and watched you continue to grow and am so glad to call you both my Parents.
To my own Hubby, you are my strength, my light and hold the whole of my heart. I could not do this life without you, nor would I want to, as I am blessed to have you by my side and try not to forget that daily!
I love you!