Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Summoning the Stars...

I left for work today and the world looked different.  More than that, it felt different.  I don't know why, maybe it was the moon that was hanging to low, or the fog that was enveloping me in its cloud, or the air that was crisp and cold, too cold for life to exist without the heat of our homes.  I took it all in.  I saw the fog's shadow, outlined like a cloud lying on our world.  I felt the cold hit my face like I was getting a hard smack.   I watched the darkness surround me, the stars above me twinkling, dancing around the almost full, white moon. 

I feel the doom that is lurking around, in and out of the shadows.  I can't know what the doom might be, but I feel its power surrounding us all.  I am trying to keep my worry to a minimum, for I do not know what stems from this worry.  I keep my children close, hugging them a little too  long, kissing them while telling them how strong my love is for each of their hearts.  I still feel the doom all around me. 

With a glance to the blue ceiling above, I feel the weight being lifted off of my shoulders.  I see the stars summoning the good in mankind, the good in my life.  I heave the one last spell of doom and find the sun shining bright down on my world as I once knew it.  For the doom might still exist but only in mine eye tonight.  I have been summoned upon summoning the stars...

Stars can't shine without darkness

30 Day Challenge- Day #27- A Problem that you Have Had

Day #27-  A Problem that You Have Had.

Open ended questions, right here !!!  [raising my hand]

I have had MANY problems over the past year, let alone my lifetime!  A huge problem that I have had, as of late, in regards to Gray Gables (seems suitable since this is what the blog is based off of) would be our financial woos and all the problems that we have had since moving in, back in October.

We basically, ran out of money.  It was a series of dominoes that fell all at once. We purchased this old house through our counties land bank program, which means that the house was days shy of the demo block. There was a bidding war, we won and then work began.  It just ended up being A LOT of work!  We had foundation problems, a roof to put on, windows, we had to level the ground so that the basement could stop filling up with water- which resulted in putting in a pond to use the dirt as fill.  Hubby's only condition with buying this property was that he gets a Pole Barn, and wish was granted.  It actually fell last year and needed to be rebuilt and that was a DISASTER and huge set back. Of course, more money also! 

We have had to make change after change and take this house down to the bones and replace plaster for drywall.  The house itself has been a soul sucker, then you have the drama with my parents.  I got a whopper when we ran out of all of our funds and needed to go for an Equity Loan, and got denied.  That cracked open the case of unpaid, delinquent student loans and added to the melting pot that was already boiling over with my Parents.  Unbeknownst to me, the financially responsible parent seemed to have stopped paying, like I was never going to find out. -Um, opps. 

I would like to insert a disclaimer here - there was an agreement made when I graduated from high school that I was going to college- no ifs/and -or- buts to it.  The terms of said agreement were that I was to live at home during the course of my education and they would pay for the classes until I graduated, of which I had five years.  After the second year, I started paying for all books that I needed, but they still agreed to pay for the classes.  I upheld my end of the bargain and stayed at home, following their very strict rules for the duration of my college education.

So, this left me bitter, shocked and hurt.  How can someone else hurt your credit and not care.  I heard that other family members credit were just as bad as mine, if not worse because of my Brother and my education. I was in shock that it was so nonchalently excused and brushed under the rug. There wree other things on my credit that are still not makign sense that have to do with this time frame, but they are being handled at this point and time, so it is neither here nor hterhe, I suppose.

This was a huge burden on my shoulders, because now we are really broke and only have 1 income and two homes.  I swear, this is when the gray hairs began!

Anyways, these are all major problems that we have battled.  Today, we are still struggling now and again, but prayers to God have helped me keep my sanity and understand that these are challenges that we need to overcome and so far, we have, somehow, someway.  It has gotten easier, but it just seems like now, there is something wrong Everyday!

This week it seems to be furnace issues!  Next week, who knows. It is always something, but we are managing to keep our sanity!

Somehow, someway, we will survive....Problems and all!

Not feeling depressed or nothing, I just like the way this is worded.

30 Day Challenge- Day #26- What kind of Person attracts you

Day #26- What kind of Person Attracts you?

I find this question odd, at best!   I think maybe my first step should be to define attraction:

at·trac·tion
əˈtrakSHən/
noun
noun: attraction; plural noun: attractions
  1. 1.
    the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.
    "she has romantic ideas about sexual attraction"
    synonyms:appeal, attractiveness, desirability, seductiveness, seduction, allure, animal magnetism; More
    charisma, charm, beauty, good looks, eye-appeal
    "she had lost whatever attraction she once had"
    antonyms:repulsion
    • a quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire.
      "this reform has many attractions for those on the left"
    • a thing or place that draws visitors by providing something of interest or pleasure.
      "the church is the town's main tourist attraction"
      synonyms:entertainment, activity, diversion, interest More
      "the fair offers sideshows and other attractions"
    • Physics
      a force under the influence of which objects tend to move toward each other.
      "gravitational attraction"
      synonyms:pull, draw; More
      "the stars are held together by gravitational attraction"
      antonyms:repulsion
    • Grammar
      the influence exerted by one word on another that causes it to change to an incorrect form, e.g., the wages of sin is (for are ) death.
Oh, ok-now that that is summed up... The people that I tend to attracts into my life are usually young. That is kind of weird!  My Hubby is older than me, and I knew he was the one the first time I laid eyes on him.  I befriended him to attract him and wa-lah here we are today!

Friends on the other hand seems to be here and there!  My BFF growing up was the complete opposite of me from eyes to hair to personality and interests.  She loved tennis, me, not so much!  In the latter years of Elementary, we definitely drifted apart.  My next BFF, also a neighbor, was younger than me but always a lot of fun. She was also very different from me. 

I have had a lot of come and go friends along my journey, most of them were sort of like me.  My very best est friend even had the same name!  We were like sisters, because we were a like, yet SO different from one another.  She was so much FUN.  Always shooting for the laugh.  We went to Canada when we were 18- drove all the way there at like 10 o'clock at night with another friend too.  We got up there, drank till we couldn't see straight, then ended up in a park somewhere near the casino.  She is so crazy that she is riding these crazy animals that are on springs and it was the most hilarious sight ever!  I was DD, so I was the only sober one and I was literally rolling in the snow dying from laughter!  

It was always like that with her. We would have the time of our  lives one minute and it would be dreadfully serious the next minute.  When she got grumpy- watch out, she was a major pill and we would fight!  We went to Cedar Point one summer day, left real early and she was a pill that day!  It was hot, yes, it was a long trip there, totally, but we fought from the moment we got there, to the moment we left! That is when our friendship started to fade.  I guess I knew we were growing up in that instant.  We still had a decent day- but things were definitely changing!

Today, she is invisible. She definitely left an imprint on my soul, a friend I will love forever and never forget but one that remains absent in my life to date.  Kind of sad actually.  I always thought she would be in my wedding, be there when my kids were born, like they would call her Aunt and vice versa.  Just a dream, I suppose!
 

Then there was my Maid of Honor.  She was younger but we were like instant sisters!  We got along famously.  I don't really know what happened.  We became friends through my Hubby and her Boyfriend at the time.  Shortly after our wedding, she split from boyfriend, who was fiance at that time.  She went cold on me.  Then she came back a few months later with some story about us being close to her X and she doesn't want him knowing her business- like I was going to tell him, a person who I didn't even see, like EVER!  I was hurt by her distrust of the meaning of our friendship to me and we drifted.  This girl left a hole in my heart.  She came around when my daughter was born but that was the last time I saw her, five years ago.  

Man, I think I answered this silly question.  I attract people who apparently do not stay in my life.  My Hubby is my best friend, always has been.  I was always closer to boys anyhow!  My Best Boy -Friend was in my life through all of this- he didn't distance himself until Hubby and I started to get serious.  He had already moved down south by that time and was visiting less and less.  I heard from him now and again, but nothing like our friendship had been.  I really miss him too.  Guess that is why Facebook is such a great invention, we do keep in touch- but its barely a friendship at this point.  That one is hard to swallow too, he was my best est- best best friend.  He knew everything about me as a person.  I loved him, like a brother and he played the role perfectly too.  And no, we never dated, nor did either of us ever want to.  He was literally like a brother, always.  

I think that the attraction is two sided.  I am a very introverted person.  I like my space, my time to be alone and my privacy.  I am sure that this has impacted my meaningful friends in a lot of ways.  There has really only been one person who I have never let my claws out of, and that is Hubby. Lucky him, right!  Ha.


Which would explain why cheating bastards are attracted and hang out with cheating whores.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

30 Day Challenge- Day #24- Your Favorite Movie and what it's about

Day #24- Your Favorite Movie and what it's about

Easy.  My Favorite Movie- of all time- one that I watch whenever I can, could watch EVERYDAY - true story... is:


Sweet Home Alabama....

See I told you- I am one boring, old lady!  I saw that movie when it came out and LOVED it.  I am a HUGE fan of Reese and think that the movie is the best and love the old feel of the South.  I love the glass and the dog and everything about the movie.  My poor Hubby knows that when I am down, it cheers me up.  Best movie every - just easy going, there isn't a hard plot to figure out or violence and a race to save someone or something- well, unless you are talking about the alter! 

 Makes me want to watch it just talking about it!!  Gosh I LOVE the South- why am I not living in Alabama or Georgia or Louisiana?


What is your favorite and Why?

love this movie.  Sweet Home Alabama. one of my favorite movie 
sweet home alabama... favorite quote ever!!
  

30 Day Challenge- Day #25 Someone who Fascinates you and WHY?

Day #26- Someone who Fascinates you and Why?

I think that this is a really good question and I am not 100% sure how to answer it.  I have a few people- personal- who fascinate me but all for different reasons. For instance, my Hubby, he fascinates me everyday.  I love him and have been in his life for almost 13 whoppin' years, but still he will do something that is either off the wall or out of the blue that will make me stop in my tracks. I would love to say it is always good, but sometimes it just isn't.  This morning would be a perfect example!  He was supposed to take our 5 yo to School- she is just in Pre-K.  I was busy at work and wasn't at my desk so I couldn't call to make sure everyone got up at 7:30a - I actually wasn't back at my desk until 9:30a- which proved to be too late because when I texted he called right back to say she didn't do to school today.  I was pissed- let's just be honest here!  I set the alarm clock and everything before I left this morning so I don't find the excuse that he just didn't wake up- sufficient. But, I stopped and before I blew up I took a deep breath and made him call school to tell them she would not be attending today.  I knew he felt bad.  I knew she would be disappointed and punish him enough so I just backed off.  Now, we all know my mind is screaming that he is so irresponsible and he needs to understand that when she starts real school in the fall we can't just miss because he failed to get his ass out of bed. But, I am keeping that to myself- well, to you too.  I am just moving on. But, still I find myself fascinated that he just didn't react.  That he could just sleep right on through an alarm clock and not be mad at me - which used to be his M.O. when things didn't go exactly his way. My, oh, my, how times have changed! On the other hand, here we sit, married almost 7 years and I am SO incredibly proud of my Hubby and how hard working he is and supportive and loving. I miss him so much as I hardly see him these days with our opposite work schedules.

That is just one backward example, I suppose.  I am fascinated with performers/artists/actors too.  I mean, watching Lady Gaga perform brings tons of questions to my head on a regular basis. Like, I wonder what she is really like or if that person she once was even exists anymore. She is so off the wall that I do wonder this!  I think about Justin Timberlake and how successful he is and if Britney kicks herself for cheating (allegedly) on him? He is an amazing person, so talented and a hottie! He seems so down to earth too.  I think Jessica Biel is one lucky bitch! I say that because I am not a fan of hers at all. I just don't feel the love behind her or the support for the talented Man that she has!  But, it does go beyond that. 

I think that America fascinates me in general.  We recently moved into Gray Gables- which is about thirty minutes from our old house in the country.  We do have a Walmart down the road and the people who frequent this Walmart are SO different from the ones in our old neighborhood. The people Fascinate me. But, people in general tend to fascinate me.  I am a very shy person and I Love to People Watch - again, that fascination with the human race, I suppose.

Ask open ended questions-- Seek to find how fascinating the people around you are by really relating.

Who fascinates you and why?
 

Monday, February 10, 2014

Walking the line to find my work at home life...

Is there such thing as work at home?  I am beginning to wonder.  I am trying so hard to find my work at home life.  I pray to God to help guide me in the right direction because my Baby starts Kindergarten this fall and all I want out of life right now is to be able to stay home. I just want to be a Mom and a Wife, not a working one.  It is so hard to get up so early, work, get kids and be a Mom all night and keep doing this routine over and over again.  I have such huge responsibilities all the time.  My life is definitely not just being a Mom, I am also Maid, Taxi, Errand Runner, Cook and Accountant!  I just wish I could have a break from the working life to raise my babies.  Who knew this would bother me so much?  So, instead of feeling defeated, I am going to do this.  I have the motivation, the determination and the gull to make this happen- by Hell or high water I will be starting my freelance business working from home.  I have to.  This is my life, my happiness and I need this more than anything.  I no longer want that commute - I want my babies. 

Determination #quote

30 day Challenge- Day #23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.

Day #23- Give Pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.

Ooh- finally some FUN!

My List starting with Hottie #5: Channing- YUM...  
Channing Tatum 2012 

Hottie #4: Donnie... My Favorite New Kid...
Donnie Wahlberg all dressed up in a tux. 

Hottie #3: Travis Barker... Drum on Drummer-boy...  LOVE his Tattoos...

 
Travis Barker  have always loved him!!

Hottie #2: Freddie Prince Jr.. 
Freddie Prince...my teen crush 

And LAST BUT NOT LEAST... #1 is Leo... God he reminds me SOOO much of my Hubby... 

Leonardo DiCaprio for TAG Heuer's New Takes Center Stage Watches campaign, November 2012. 
My list is probably boring- but I'm OLD! Gosh I love Leo- I could look at him all the time! HA HA

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