Sunday, June 28, 2015

Junami...yeah its a thing...

Saturday, June 27th 2015

Well in case you didn't know, I live in Ohio. I started my day by waking up to rain. Upon further inspection, I notice a lovely pond in the neighbors back acreage...un, where there is supposed to be a field...which is now missing.

So, as I carry on with my day, and as more rain falls, steadily I might add, this said "pond" has now grown to the front acreage of the neighbors lot.

As I continue with my day, and as we edge towards evening, this rain has yet to simmer down, let alone STOP, and as I look out back of my own acreage I can see a SHOCKING scene unfolding.

Our drains have now backed up and my pond has grown (yes, an actual, real pond) and the drive to our pole barn (behind our house) is now covered with a third "pond" . 

UT oh!

Houston....we have a problem.

Hubby jumped to his feet, panic and a few choice curse words lingering in his dust as he grabbed the old fire boots my Dad had left at our house.

The news was not good. Upon opening the pole barn door, Hubby was greeted with as much water as he had traps ed through to get to his destination.

The problem...well my beautiful cherry vanity for our master bath was now sitting in about 7-8 inches of standing water. Cabinets for our laundry room were in the same boat.

We had to call in reinforcements to help lift the incredibly heavy furniture up and onto blocks before it was all ruined.

By the time we had the kids in bed the water was rising. It was a quick thinking move for Hubby to put his 63' Impala up, due to the water now half covering the exhaust.

Junami your a mother ... 

It only got worse...we checked on our basement....and it was wet...eek!

The nightmare began again.  The sump pump was pumping was working OT and struggling.

All is well, as the impeding water finally, slowly, started to dissipate.

But, we still have the seemingly uphill battle with the pole barn as our pond became one with our backyard and still water is what is left, causing issues with our Boom Lift, the cars and our stuff.

This blows!

Mother Nature needs a drink cause she has lost her Damn mind ...

To bed I go, to try and get some sleep. Let's hope the water drains by the morning...maybe we can salvage some of our stuff still.

Signing off from the SS Gray Gables ship at sea, Junami survive...I hope...2015.

~Kel

Saturday, June 27, 2015

SATAN is stealing my Mom Thunder


Motherhood...it's a gift from God..until Satan shows his face.

You all know what I am talking  about. Everything is coming up roses, things are going good, the day is special, even. 

Then, it's suddenly bath - time, which you have called out three (3) times now to children who are not listening. You look in the overflowing laundry bin and start thinking in your head that you could get these dirty children in the tub, throw a load of laundry in, only to discover that your dryer is full of clothes that have now been sitting for two (2) days...and your washer is also full. Eek!
This is when yelling, temper tantrum's, door slamming, and foot stomping begins.
And all this M A D N E S S and A N G E R?  Well, it wasn't even from the kids.  Nope. It was me

The Mom. 

The one who bit off more than she could chew, in that short half-an-hour time span. The one who left those clothes...sitting in the washer AND dryer. The one who broke her kids away from playing nicely and so quiet to jump in the tub, and the one who lost her patience..and mind...thinking it would be a great idea to multi-task.  It was me who was loud, obnoxiousand a downright scary human being that entered when I had just had more than I could physically handle.

This is the kind of thing that happens when we allow SATAN in. He literally steals our thunder!


This isn't the mistakes we make that he appears. It isn't forgetfulness, either. He comes when it happens, the things that go on inside that no one else can see coming. And it is he who knows just how to get to you.

He loves it when you yell at the kids. He thrives on you complaining about all the things you need to get done regardless of how many people are in your home. He loves it when you wish you were the Mom wearing Skinny jeans, heels, with great hair and well-behaved kids, who listen. 
 
Satan likes when you ignore your children because your on the phone, or when you hide your true feelings, dreams, and frustrations from your Husband with weak replies like, "I'm fine" or "everything is OK." He knows you feel like this life is out of control, or your not living up to someone else's expectations of how your life should be. Satan loves it when your unstable.


News flash: Satan wants you to fail. He wants you to feel inadequate.

I might as well leave my front door unlocked and let a burglar right in. I mean, why not?  I let Satan in, after all. 

Then, after all the fussing, nagging and utter exhaustion...I sat with my kids and I did a 360.
I apologized. I was so sorry for my I'll behavior and I meant it. It was a rough day, contrary to their beliefs. These amazing little girls told me they understood, that some days are not good. Can you imagine? 

Crocodile tears streamed down my face.

What have I become?


Satan...

My girls worked together to cheer me up. They talked about the dinner we had and how we were laughing and joking. They talked about how we painted outside a few weekends ago and how much fun they had!

The dark cloud of Satan had been turned to the light, banishing him.

(Take That Satan!)

So, for today, I am locking my door, tight. I have banished the evil that once was from my mind, body and soul.

Today, I am thinking of God, who blessed me with two (2) amazing little girls. God, who guides me in the right directions even when I am lost. God, who gave me a Partner, a Best Friend, a Husband,  of which I love with all I have.

As for that laundry...I finished it, all.

I took a breath, found some patience, took notes and am working on keeping Satan out of my soul.
This life is yours. It doesn't matter what others think. Do your best, feel good about it, cherish the moments, as they go by fast and capture the memories.  

I wish to forget our very bad, horrible half-hour playdate with Satan, in its place putting a happy family with smiles and stress free faces.

Hold your kids tight! Your a great Mom. This gift of motherhood is from the life-giver...not the liar!

And when all else fails, breathe, apologize and remember that tomorrow is another day!

~Kel

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Diary of a...ehh... "GOOD WIFE" ?

What does that even mean?  What is the definition of a (quote/unquote) Good Wife?

Isn't every relationship different? Doesn't every couple finds their place in regards to roles and what works...or doesn't?

Are you dying and trying to live up to these Good Wife standards?

WELL....WAKE UP...THIS IS AN UNATTAINABLE GOAL.

Whew...sorry for the yelling, but it needed to be said.

I love the reads about being a "Good Wife" or a "Being a More Godly Wife" and don't even get me started on "Motherhood" because that's a whole other can of worms.

I am guilty of setting the bar high in these two areas, alone. Desperately trying to find this fairy tale castle where I am not only spotless, full of energy but doting as well.

I am a long way from this image!

Instead I am working my ass off to take my kids on a vacation...you know, outside of our vanity or general area...i.e. Disney.

I am working my ass off so that we can pay our property tax and possibly...quite possibly... fix my big old SUV so it stops clunking around town.

I don't see my Hubby... Monday - Friday (two ships passing in the night, type thing) and I literally get three (3) hours time with my kids each week night evening.

So, based on these tidbits, I would define myself as a Failure in the Good Wife category...let alone Good Mom category.

But, of course, this is based on someone else's standards, right.

This is where those little things that everyone talks about come into play. You see, I might not see my Hubby, or talk to him, but I make sure I text him...something everyday.

I make sure that I tell him I love him.

Is it enough....hell no, but it is something that I stay religious with. (Seriously, I just want to kiss his face!)

I make sure I tell my kids I love them, whether they are sleeping, or if it's my late weeks and I get to at least see their faces that morning.

Am I a failure?

Well, no.

I'm doing what I have to right now. Trust me, it hurts....like hell to not be here for my family. It down right SUCKS. But. I don't have a choice.

This is where my prayers to help my family get through this time and a wish for a better road ahead come in.

Dang it! It's hard when you just want to be a Mom/ Wife...but you have this thing...called WORK that just gets in your way!

Make your own definition. Create your own standards.

And, keep your head up!

~Kel

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

8 ways to UN-HATE your Life, Now!!!








“If you hate your life, you haven’t seen enough of it.  If you hate your life, it’s because your life is too small and doesn’t fit you.”
–Augusten Burroughs

When I find myself hopelessly depressed, it’s a feeling similar to the crushing sensation of claustrophobia.
I feel trapped within the confines of my own world, as if the walls are slowly closing in around me.
My life feels packed airtight, with not enough free space to breathe.
When I’m feeling so deeply stuck in the mud, when I find myself enclosed in the stifling banality of routine, when I seemed to have lost desire for all that once fueled me – the only way I’m able to find that coveted little bright light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel is to expand my world.
I need to be reminded I’m but a tiny speck of dust in a colossal universe and the planet is teeming with stimulating opportunities and electrifying experiences.
When you are consumed by the pressing negative energy of others, direly cemented in the shackles of the town where you grew up, alienated and misunderstood at school or ready to bang your head up against a brick wall every time you so little as thing about enduring another mundane workday at the dismal job you soulfully hate – the time has come to make your world BIGGER.


You’ve outgrown your life and are ready to make space for the shiny zeal of newness:

1.     If you hate your job, get a new one.


Unless you’ve been blessed with the rare combination of a massive trust fund and zero ambition, you will spend a massive portion of your life at your place of employment.

If the contents of your days are spent pulling your hair out of your head whilst doing tasks you absolutely hate- you’re on the fast track to a permanent residence in the fiery pits of depression.
If you loathe your job with ferocious intensity, something is wrong.

It’s time to make a drastic change, spread your F* wings and soar through the life-altering journey of a career change.

Starting anew at work is cripplingly daunting and wildly scary but also madly exciting.

A six-month (give or take) transitional period of uncomfortable soul-searching is far superior to a lifetime spent strapped to a desk soaking in the toxicity of deep unhappiness.


2.       If you hate your friends, meet new people.

Sometimes when you dare to pause and take in your surroundings; you will come to the realization you have absolutely nothing in common with your friends anymore.

You discover you and your nearest and dearest are bound to one another for the wrong reasons, like routine or circumstance or location.

It’s sad to feel like you’re residing on the outside of your circle – displaced in a group of friends that once felt like your family.

There is no feeling lonelier than feeling isolated and disconnected in a sea of familiar people.

It’s okay to grow out of friendships. While it’s sad to let go of what was, the beautiful part is this: The world is packed with a plethora of hyper-fascinating entitles and also seeking real friendship and connection.

Human beings are eager to meet new, fresh, like-minded people. Don’t be shy – head to a bar by yourself and strike the match of conversation.

Get used to going out alone, for the more fiercely independent a creature you are, the more you are actively throwing yourself into the mix of new friendship possibilities.


3.     If you hate where you live, move somewhere new.

You can’t grow when you’re forever tethered to the place you’ve always lived.  You will become painfully uncomfortable being so comfortable – excessive restlessness physically hurts.

Refuse to be the person who gives up and sits on her hands complaining about how unstimulated she is in her environment when she has all the power in the world to make a change.

Yes, it DOES take work.  It takes practicing the tricky art of saving money and enduring loneliness while in the beginning of your new adventure – but it’s the ultimate way to widen your world and relieve your depression.

Remember: Nothing is set in stone.  Nothing in this gorgeous world is permanent – if you hate your new town or city even more than the one you flew from, you can always move again.  And again.

You have every right to sift from city to city until you find the place that fits you.

As the wise Joan Didion advises: “You have to pick the place you don’t walk away from.”


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4.     If you hate your partner, move on.

If your relationship is pulling you into the ground – cut the cord.  Your partner is solely there to enhance your life and make it better, not more terrible and bleak.

There seems to be a collective fear of singleness sweeping acrossed the great expense of our generation – when the real fear should lie in a life spent with someone who brings you down.

Break free from the codependent mold, and only attach yourself to those who lift you up.

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5.     If you hate the way you’re treated, don’t stand for it.

The most empowering part of being an adult is this: You don’t have to accept abuse from anyone ever again.

When we’re kids, we are often trapped in hopeless situations that are completely out of our control.

As grownups, we have the awesome capability to stick up for ourselves and leave our abusers choking in the dust of the past.

If your extended family, coworkers, friends, lovers or parents are still mistreating you, don’t stand for it.

You are a STRONG, powerful, fully realized human being with the wherewithal to stick up for yourself and cut out the f* up energy ruining what could be a beautiful world.

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6.     If you hate the familiar, fly somewhere new.

Nothing will help you regain your lust for life like traveling.

Getting on a plane and peering down at the tiny houses and the pint-sized bodies of waters will free you of your apathy and put it all in perspective.

Tasting exotic flavors, listening to unfamiliar inflections, hearing new words in strange accents, gallivanting around strange cities and indulging your eyeballs in brand new sights is like an electric shock treatment for the soul.

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7.     If you hate feeling pressured, create your own set of standards.

You hit your mid-20s, and suddenly there is a HEAP of pressure thrown upon you to have the following in place:

A career.

A relationship.

Economic stability.

When you don’t have those things by the time you hit your twenty-seventh birthday, too many people want to crawl into a little hole deep within the earth, curl up and sleep in the dirt of shame.

Let me let you in on a little secret: It’s all bulls*.  You get to decide the course of your lfie.

Create your very own customized sets of standards – ones that are unique and make you genuinely happy.  Liberate yourself from the shackles of societal pressures.

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8.     If you hate being unnoticed, put yourself out there.

Are you fed up with watching life from the sidelines? Well, then start playing in the game.
Contrary to popular belief, the thrilling game of life isn’t exclusive to models, moguls and media mega-stars – it’s for all of us.

So welcome to the big bad world.  Dive in with a reckless abandon and never look back.

“Why the hell wouldn’t you want to be one of the fabulous people, the life enhancers, the people who look interesting and smell luscious and who dare to be gorgeously more fascinating than their neighbor? –Simon Doonan

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