Friday, April 25, 2014

Life is good...so why do I want to sit here and have my own Pity Party?

Have you ever just felt off?

Feelings OFF

Life something terrible was about to happen, you couldn't figure out what it was but you aren't connecting with anyone and feel totally alone? 

I guess this is a "loaded" question. Can you feel like something is about to happen, to the point that the bottom is going to fall from beneath you -and- you feel totally alone?  It would seem that the bottom already fell if you feel so alone...one would think?

I can't place where my feelings are stemming from. I have a lot of change going on and I hate change, so I just thought maybe that was where my insecurities were arising from? I mean, seriously, I left my job of five years, I am home full time with my girls, who are not making my life easy in any way, shape or form (I am starting to think that this is some kind of initiation and I still haven't passed yet..) and I start a work-at-home job next Thursday and I don't have my office even kind of ready yet. Plus, we are having a birthday party on Sunday (2 days away) and I have a partially finished tiled kitchen floor, no dishwasher, a sink that is now leaking because Hubby pulled the dishwasher and couldn't find a plug for the drain that goes through the dishwasher and my kitchen table is in my living room. I am obsessive compulsive to top it all off and this "project" of my Hubby's was supposed to be wrapped up by now- or so he assured me when I doubted him last Friday when he started this deal. He barely has time to put a row down a day and tomorrow he is getting up and going to a friends diaper party- so guess what- my floor is not - I repeat...NOT going to be down by the party. 

Yes, I am freaking out. I am trying to stay sane and not take it out on him because he is working and I get it.. but do I?  My Dad, yes, I know...bad mojo around that one with the last H E L P that happened..but he offered to help to get things moving faster just so this wouldn't happen!  So needless to say, I am frustrated.  To top it all off, Hubby has been super short with me- like he isn't even talking to me- no hi, morning, how are you doing, I get nothing!  I have been just trying to keep our kids out of his, um... hair.. and keep to myself- which in making me internalize my feelings and now I am about to BURST!

Be honest with yourself with how you are feeling... If you feel sad - be sad. If you feel angry - be angry... Own it but dont let it control you.  Give yourself time to experience your feelings but know when it is time to move on..... Remove the word 'fine' from your vocab... discover what is underneath that word... it might be a little more descriptive!
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Plus, I wanted to handle the "office" area- which is non-existent at this point by painting and was curtly told NO! Um, frustrating, because I know by his show of interest, he doesn't care if I have a place to work or not and he is in no way/shape or form going to get moving on that project!

So, tonight I am at my worst! I sent him a text last night asking if I should cancel the party and his reply was that the half tile is better than the cement board we were walking on..really..sure it is but its half done! I mean, seriously, the effin' kitchen table is going to be crooked because it is going to be half on tile and half on cement board. I am having words as we speak..to myself!! I even told him I am frustrated and feeling totally unloved. I get nothing. No response at all... This makes me even more frustrated. 

So glad I am not the only one this happens too.  Only pisses you off more though!
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Let's be real a moment...I am not great with emotions, I am not great with touchy feeling and all that. When I get upset, I hold it in. I have for years. I have only recently, maybe in the past 3-5 years learned to address my feelings and talk it out to him. Sometimes this goes well, sometimes not so well. Right now I am having a moment, need some attention, love, something and instead he is acting like he doesn't even like  me let alone feeling any love for me.  This happens every once in a while with him, usually it causes a war and then it smooths back over. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me. I am hurt right now, I am really hurt and I am kind of getting tired of worrying about everything, doing everything and feeling like I have the weight of the world, or at least this entire household on my shoulders. I know that there are a lot of underlying things that are making me project my feelings; up all night due to a 3 year old who is having sleeping issues- of which I handle on my own, taking care of the kids all day, everyday, which includes prepping all meals, handling household chores, even making sure his sandwiches are made for his lunch. I feel like I am doing everything and sometimes a little recognition goes a long way, even maybe just a compliment here or there...instead I get nothing- it makes a girl question her life, her love and herself. 

So right now, at this time, I am having a hard time. I am fighting tears, I am hyper anxiety ridden, I am angry and upset and hurt and in need of adult interaction! I do not regret my decisions to work at home but I haven't even had a chance to prove myself and this is already in my face. I am enduring a lot of change and I do not do well under such circumstances and it affects me very negatively.  My kids are my light. They are driving me crazy but I remember how thankful that I am and blessed that God gave them to me to look after- even at 3 a.m. when I am exhausted! 

I am desperately trying to find my way and thought my partner was by my side. Now I am just not so sure. 

Stepping out of your shell before its to late no matter how hard it may be. You just have to close your eyes and jump before its to late.
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I am staying positive. I have a new road ahead of me that will make my life easier, my kids life easier and has already made my Hubby's life a little easier. I just pray to God that he looks over us, over me and lets me find my way, sort my ill feelings and hold onto the positives that Life is offering me. I pray to God for my Hubby, that he finds what he is seeking and finds another outlet for his ill feelings and that he has not lost what he once had for me. That one is a tough pill to swallow.  Forever was what we have always said, but in times like these, it makes that journey that much more special. 

Thank you for allowing me to vent. Sometimes just letting my feelings out can relieve my anxiety and help me to find the "way".  I will work on my office alone. I will make it that much more special because it will be my blood, sweat and tears that I pour into that room. I will not let my messy house embarrass me in front of friends and family and hope that all understand the situation. I love my Hubby and appreciate all that he does for us, for our family, the sacrifices that he makes for us. I try to have faith in him- but sometimes I waver. He doesn't care about people seeing our house a disaster, I do. I wish he cared about my feelings in times like these a little. It is what it is, I can't change it, I can't invent time- I can just move on.

THE SECRET Of CHANGE 5x7 Inspirational Quote by AgasBoxOfMiracles, $10.00
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Until next time!

~KEL~ 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

It's Hump Day and I feel like I just need a DRINK!?!?!

My Life is changing and I am scared! I am on the verge (days away now) of being a Work At Home Mom and my Kids are driving me crazy!!!

I feel like I live in a mental hospital, there are little crazy people running around destroying the place.... oh wait that's my kids.
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I don't drink, but I feel like there is a strong possibility that I could after this week!  It has been 5 l o n g days and these kids are driving me insane!!!

How do stay at home Mom's survive this? Does it get easier? 

So Cra-cra!!!! ;)
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I know it is not their fault. I am trying to find my patient bone and relax but the more they are acting up, the more I am ready to fly off the deep end. Thank God for door locks- yes I use them! Don't judge me. I feel that it is better for me to count to 5 behind a locked bedroom door with flying monkey's on the other side than become a stark raving mad Mama!

I was wondering if it is the transition of me being a working Mom, outside of the home..to being at home all the time? Or maybe it is not them at all? (See how my crazy mind works!) I am stressed. I start next Thursday and Hubby is supposed to put a window in the front porch that I am taking over as my Office and has been busy tiling my Kitchen floor. On top of that- and half a tiled floor, I have a 3rd Bday Party for my youngest set to go off on Sunday. Um, that is a little stress. I have my kitchen table in my living room (dundundundundundundundundun...think the Beverly hillbillies!) and tile equipment out in front of my house- like you literally walk over it when you exit my front door. It is ridiculous and has been like this since the weekend. I know, I know..stop bitching Kel...Hubby works 60 hours a week and I dragged him to the bank on Monday and made him pick up the window on Tuesday and he did work on the floor today before work...I just am freaking out because the front porch needs drywall finished, painted and a carpet remnant put down- all before Thursday...I am ready to dive in...but...I can't even get into the room... He crammed the desk I will be using in there and there are some other things from when we moved in that never found a home...and everything is heavy as shit!

Deep Breaths..ON top of that- my kids have been extra Whiny and Nagy and just down right annoying! Like sponges that suck the life right out of me. Plus, they wake me up at 6 a.m. everyday.  Are you kidding me? Guess that is my new time to get my butt up out of bed. 

Crazy kids
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Now, do you see why I am crying WINE!!!  Maybe even Cranberry & Vodka?  Captain and Coke? Something... Instead I get fruit2o Lemon Flavor..hmm..doesn't seem to be the same..

I should reflect a moment and say that my children are good kids. I know that they are 5 and 3 and I probably expect way to much out of them, but seriously, when I am on the phone they are notorious for shouting "MOM" from somewhere not far from where this Mom actually is! It is crazy! 

So, I am embarking on my new adventure and I am scared. I keep telling them that if they aren't good I am going back to the office- in which I get genuine tears of worry. I just hope that they can behave during the times when I will have to have them home (which should not be to often) and asleep during the times when I do have to work...life nighttime! How else do you think I blog?  

I've always said little kids are a lot like drunk adults. Running around acting all crazy saying nonsensical things.
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Behavior today was contributed with sleep deprivation. I have both these little girls tucked up tight in bed, sound asleep and all before 8:30 p.m.  No wonder they awake at 6 a.m. Oh the joys of parenthood. Others survive, I will to..in due time..with wine...lots of wine..or not. 

Thanks for letting me vent! I get some Mom time now and I am going to suck it dry..since I can't have alcohol. (my choice, I stopped drinking when I was 21. It has nothing to do with anything but my choice)

Funny Flirting Ecard: Today lets see if we can make mom go completely bat shit crazy k. We were so close yesterday!
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Happy Hump Day all!!! 
#enjoyingvaca..

~KEL~

 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

T.V. Tuesday...Who is watching

True Tori

Who is tuning in to Lifetime at 10:00 p.m. tonight to watch Tori Spelling dish about Dean?

In Tori's Words: 

Throughout my life, the tabloids have told every story you could imagine – and they always got it wrong. I needed the chance to tell my own story. At the moment, I don’t know if it will have a happy ending. But I need to get my voice back, and this is my way of doing that.
From Tori's blog: ediTORIal  (http://torispelling.com/2014/04/true-tori/)

In the docu-series, we get to see Tori's point of view in regards to all the gossip in the tabloids.  The show starts when Dean leaves treatment after entering in January for cheating on his wife, Tori with a woman named Emily Goodhand. Emily went to the tabloids about her "relationship" with Dean, in which he said that Emily was "just a warm body." 

We get to see the most difficult period in Tori's life and ultimately see if they stay together. 

Tori is not sure what to do, trust being a huge factor in her decision, and their four children, who she does not want to grow up without Dean in their house. 

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I personally can not wait for this to air tonight and will definitely be tuning in! I have followed these two since Tori & Dean: Inn Love and Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. I thought they were unbreakable. My feelings are that Tori is a good person. I have given her credit for years, she is a great Mom and although she did  have a Nanny, when times were tough she stepped up and took care of her babies. That made her more real to me. (This is my personal thoughts on her as a person)

As for Dean, shame on you my friend. I questioned him when he did the show where Tori got him a diving watch and that chick went out diving with him. Seemed shady... Woman's intuition I think.

Anyways, I can't wait to watch these two again, unfortunate that it is under these circumstances, but hopefully, somehow, they can work through this. I will be honest, it would take hell to freeze over for me. Trust is everything and take that away and you better never leave my side or I will question your ass!

I will update later with my thoughts on the show. 

Happy Tuesday All!

~KEL~ 

Adam Carolla on Porn, Patent Trolls and Lena Dunham - Entertainment ...
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Happy Birthday to my big 3 year old

At 5:21 a.m. today I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She was put on this earth to show me patience and kindness and pure love. She was so different from her sister in so many ways. She was so independent from the start and even though she was our baby #2 she never ceased to amaze me.

These 3 years have flown by and I thank God everyday for letting me be a part of her life. She is so special to me with her gentle heart and pure kindness and when you pair her with her sister, I know they found one another by their bond.

Kaitlyn, you are my sunshine. You always find a way to keep us laughing with your funny side or your HAPPY personality. I truly do not know what I would do without you. Right now you are transitioning through your terrible twos and helping me find my patience through your outbursts, I understand that you are trying to express yourself whether it's anger or sadness and I will remain by your side to help you find your way. You have been amazing to me as I have watched you grow or when your sweet voice asks "Momma, I just wanna hug you". It melts my heart everytime. You will always be my "Best Friend."

My girls have made me a better person. I will lose my cool more often then I'd like, but I will not forget to laugh in the heat of the moment to reset my own discern.  Kameryn, I love you to the moon and back & Kait, you will always be my sunshine when skies are gray!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday baby girl. May all your dreams come true.

Love

~Mom~

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Monday, April 21, 2014

Marriage Monday...The Couple that survives remodeling a home...

The couple that survives remodeling a home...

will be together forever...(true story!)

So, it is October.  We had been "looking" for a bigger house for a few months now. Our luck pretty much seems to go like this, find an awesome house, looks abandoned,  research, find realtor, find out it is to late, someone else already swooped up the property...

One of our friends was talking about this "Old House on Brown Road" and I was instantly like, hmm..I wonder if it is "Gray Gables." Yes, I actually said just that! Hubby doesn't think so, not that he even know what I am talking about- Gray Gables... Then, a few days, maybe...later my Mom calls and says that Gray Gables is on the demo block and they are looking for someone to buy it through the Land Bank- which is a newer program from our county where they accept a set amount of monies for a property, some of them are on the demolition block or what not. 

So, I tell Hubby.. I bring up the county information and he is not very impressed. It is a BIG house, much bigger than ours..I start my sales pitch, sight unseen.  We take a drive, in which I am instantly in love- it is a weird feeling to see yourself living, breathing, waking in a house that in all honesty, at that point, I hadn't even been in yet.  Again, Hubby is rolling his eyes at me. 

Next step is to take the parents to view it. Well, my Parents have a long history with this house, as about seventeen/eighteen years ago, they wanted to buy the house but passed on the house they currently inhabit. This should have been a RED flag for this girl...but I am dumb, apparently!

My Father in Law saw the potential that I was seeing and we basically sold it to Hubby.  I could not help buy talk about the house, like twenty four frickin' seven!  It came down to the wire and Hubby sitting me down and asking me if I want this house. I did.. 

Well, after a bidding war, and some time...it seemed like an eternity, not going to lie!  We got the property! What we were to do next was to be determined, but it was ours.... That was two long, hard years ago! 

How did we survive? Or did we? You might wonder how our relationship is today or how it changed, right? Well, one thing is for sure, it wasn't easy! Between Husband and Wife, everything was manageable. It was tough transforming into a working single Mom, with Hubby taking a layoff from his job to focus on the house full time and not getting home until late. But, we worked through all those obstacles! We even managed to survive our pole barn falling to the ground due to high winds. (That was an iffy time! A Man's pole barn is not something to mess with, especially when he put his own sweat, blood and tears into it..eek!)

Honestly, I think that we hardly fought. We took this project on as a team, decisions were made as a team, a lot of communication happened and we saw eye to eye on a lot of things. So, where was the conflict you ask? It remained elsewhere and stayed elsewhere. We learned well, communication is key, teamwork is a must.  Our relationship became stronger through all of this. We have a marriage. There is not a mine vs. yours, instead this is all ours.  Our thoughts, our dreams came together to build what is today's Gray Gables.  I could not be more proud. I know that everywhere you look there are little things that still need to be done, but any house has something that is left to do. I actually think my Dad says it best when he says that a house will never be truly done...because it just wont!

We are onto our next project- well Hubby is...I get to coral our children while he works ;)

Kitchen floor time! I am super excited! It has been a long time on cement board and my feet are ready to stop stepping on rocks! OUCH!

DuraRock Floor= UGH!




Beginning of Install!!


Again, we had a lot of talks about our pattern, about our spacing and all that good stuff. And yes, it has been two whole days now and a small section is completed, but it is OK. Hubby is working his ass off at his forrealz job too. I am trying to maintain my O.C.D. to the best of my ability. 

Work together folks! Talk, communicate and stay on the same page. Compromise when  you can to meet in the middle, it does work! I promise that.

I have another project that I get to start here in a few days..my office! It will be crunch time, I am sure!!!

~KEL~

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter!!

Good Morning!

It's early and our house is wide awake!! Why? Well, it's Easter..of course.

The eggs have all been found. The baskets have been turned upside down...um, literally!  My 3 and 5 yo are having fun with bubbles..In the house. (Thank you Hubby..)

I think they must've been good girls because our Easter Bunny was very good to them!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and a blessed Sunday.

This is round 1 for my girls, apparently this Bunny visits Nana and Papa too....

Happy Easter!!

~KEL~

Friday, April 18, 2014

Warning: Today was a Good Day!

How often are we blessed with one of those days when the earth aligns with the universe and our day becomes much better for just that reason?

 

I have relief and still a bit of anxiety over the unknown today. I awoke at 5:00 a.m., not so much due to my internal alarm clock, but instead due to the pungent smell that was invading my nostrils as I slept. What was that smell, you ask? Ahh...a Skunk, of course... Our entire house reeked of said smell and was literally gagging Hubby and I. It even managed to invade our soon to be three years olds senses. So more than half of my house was awake and tired! The smell seemed to be growing more intense as the seconds, minutes, then hours passed. It was unbearable. We finally opened windows and waited for it to dissipate to the point that we were no longer contemplating an evacuation from the premises. 
My thoughts were, "Oh My God, who does that? Who has a Skunk spray inside their home?" Of course, it was inside, probably at the end of our home in a room that has no floor. Our area seems to have a large ration of skunks right now and of course one just happened to enter our home and spray. 
I sought shelter for my little one in her sisters room, who was not experiencing the smell as intense as the rest of the house, and went back to my own room, pulled the covers over my face, opened my mouth and tried to catch a few more zzz's.  It apparently worked because I awake after eight, fresh and feeling good, just cold from the Windows all being wide open!

It was time to eat, get girls ready and wake up Hubby for a quick trip to the store before I took the girls to my grandmothers to dye Easter eggs.

Everything went off without a hitch. Even got Hubby's birthday present, a Char Broil Charcoal grill, which he was super excited about! Cook out tonight! YESS!

A little after noon, we headed to my Grandma's and had lunch and while the girls dyed eggs with my Mom and Grandma, I headed for Meijers. I have been a bad Mommy this year and have not had time to sneak away for candy and sorts, until today, that is!

Well, over one hundred and fifty bucks later, I am all set with these things..can't wait to get them all together! #excited!

Picked up my little ladies, who had a blast and had beautiful Easter eggs to prove it! We headed home for some outside time, dinner (which Hubby cooked on his new Grill) and wrapped up our evening with a whiny soon to be three yo. 

To bed they went, without a hitch.  Another day for the books but gosh darn it, it was a good one!

Hope yours is well also!

Happy Good Friday.

~KEL~

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Saying Goodbye is bittersweet..

Today was the end of a chapter, marking the beginning of another. My last day at my current job was anything but normal. I woke up this morning after a terrible nights sleep (thanks to my soon - to - be 3 yo.) thinking that this major migraine would move on by mid morning and was a combo of lack of sleep and some stress. Then I get to work and the real stress begins!  Basically my day was a wash as my replacement, whom I am training- did not have security to even train today. Um, can we say frustrating!!
But the end became real as I ate delicious cake (Thank you so much Wendy) and delicious pulled pork sandwiches (Thank you Tamara) and realized shit just got forrealz...yo.. 
Then I bid my farewells and leave the building shaking like a leaf all the way to the car...
My Bittersweet goodbye, of course. I am so sad to say goodbye, as I will miss all my coworkers and my work, but I am also very excited to be able to work from home.
So, I am trying not to mind the lovely face zits that are settling upon my face or the mad nose bleed that caused me to pull over on the expressway as blood gushed down my arm. Parting gifts...

Onto a new chapter, a new position and an office that I hope turns out like I could only dream.

To all my coworkers, you will be missed. I promise that as soon as we get this house together there is a BIG party to be had!!  And yes, alcohol will be on the menu. 

To new beginnings and the closing of a chapter.

~Kel

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Letter to Teen Mom 2- Girls...

This is my letter to the Teen Mom 2 girls. 

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Preface: I would like to start by saying that I am not a teen Mom. I do not know your struggles, your hardships or your life-besides what is aired on T.V.  I do not wish to "slam" any of you, I believe that you are all doing the best with what you have been dealt.  This being said, I am a Mom, I do understand what it is like to raise children. I was almost a teen mother and although I have not walked in those shoes, I can imagine the things that must weight on each of your shoulders everyday. 
I would then like to say that I have watched not only Teen Mom 2, but all of you in 16 & Pregnant. I almost feel like I have been on walked along side each of you on your journey. I do not agree with *everyone's' choices, but feel that the show has brought to life the consequences of getting pregnant before you are ready. Each of your stories are inspiring and I hope will help me be a better parent when it comes to discussing sex and babies with my own girls. 

OK, on with it already Kel!

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My Letter to Chelsea
I have watched you grow up girl! I mean, thinking back to you in your episode of 16 & Pregnant, I remember scratching my head, thinking to myself that this poor girl has no idea what kind of ways her life is about to be turned upside down.  Adam was a jerk then, he is a jerk now, and unfortunately for him, he will probably always be a jerk.  OK, not to totally bash Adam. I love watching you grow, you are a Great Mom! Do not ever let anyone tell you different!  I am glad, (you are NOT going to want to hear this) that Adam is finally trying to be a part of Aubrey's Life. Unfortunately, this journey has been recorded and she will see that it is only when he is expecting a new baby that he steps up for Aubs. But, I think that being a Daddy's girl myself, it is important for a girl to have her Dad. Even if he is a hot mess.  The best decisions you made were moving on from the toxicity that is Adam. You are a devoted Mom and it has been a joy to watch you blossom into the person you have become. Keep striving for those stars and don't give up.  The kicker is when you were going to change Aubrey's name on the Birth Certificate because Adam was such a nasty person, kind of wish you had. I can totally feel your insecurities when it comes to not being with her and I think it is sad that Adam doesn't get that. I think that he can't relate because he has always been a piece of her life, not a part. Hang in there. You will be a better parent for sharing custody, even when you want to be selfish (I would too) but for Aubrey, and for her growth. I think that if anything, when he is with her he does love her and she will make HIM a better person. (Ironic, isn't it!)
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My Letter to Kail
You have been busy girl!  I think that you are a wonderful Mom. You are NOT your Mother, not even close. All I ask of you is to cut Javi some slack. He is a good one and deserves all your love and attention. I totally understand that editing happens, but you always seem so cold towards him. He is a stand up guy and you are so lucky to have found him.
You were a beautiful bride. Your ceremony brought tears to my eyes and I thought that it was a new start for you both and so romantic. I love that you are also having a civil relationship with Joe. Just remember, Joe is a GREAT Dad, you are so lucky! Don't discredit him. He has been the best Teen Dad ever and deserves that credit because a lot of the Teen Dad's kind of distances themselves and he has fought for Isaac as much as you have. You are both great Parents and I love that Javi and Him are also trying to build a civil relationship. It says a lot about you guys and your Co-Parenting. Now, onto Vi, give her a chance. She is great with Isaac and you found happiness, let Joe find it too! It will be better for Isaac in the long run.
My last words are, keep doing what your doing. You have grown so much and have turned into a good person, Kail. I just wish you would let your guard down a little and warm up a smidge! ;)

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My Letter to Jenelle
Oh girl..I do not want to bash you, you get it enough from Barbara and your fans, but I just wish you loved yourself! You need to start with YOU, work your way to Jace and then, maybe, just maybe, you can find love elsewhere.
Bi-Polar disorder is tough and I am proud of you for putting yourself out there, letting the world see how the disease affects you. I do not personally suffer, but I do have a Mother and Brother who battle the disorder and I see the struggles both internal and external that they afflict. Stay strong, find the right medication and look at yourself in the mirror. You are a beautiful person with a huge heart. Give yourself some of that love from that heart and start there. You need to love you before you can let anyone else love you and the love you are getting is not the right kind.
As for Nathan, hopefully you have moved on. Although with a baby, I am sure there will always be a back and forth that will happen for now on. He is bad news. I saw right through his pretty boy face from the get. He might have his own money and all the flash, he inflicts anger in you and twists stuff to set you off. Any relationship like this is best to avoid.
As for Jace, don't leave him behind. Fight for him. I really haven't ever seen you fight for him and he is suffering. Stop being selfish and love you and love him. He is the only guy you need in your life. Parenting is tough and keeps you grounded at the same time. It is kind of amazing in that aspect and if you could worry about him more and being the best Mom your could be, you would improve your disorder and rid yourself of the depression.
Hang in there girl and next time I see you, I hope that you have Jace, new baby and are smiling and all about your babies. They deserve it!

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My Letter to Leah
This one is the one that I needed to save for last. Leah, my heart aches for you in so many ways. You are a hands down Ah-Mazing Mother! I give you nothing but tons of credit for the life you have created. You are strong and caring and active and just amazing. So, let's talk Jeremy. OK, I am married and I have learned the meaning of being a "Godly Wife" and seriously, look into this (it is on my blog) - you need to pick you battles and stop nagging. My life is similar, minus the day travel. I do not see my Hubby a heck of a lot because of his crazy work schedule. How do I get through it? Texting. Whether he responds or not, I text. I also remember why he is working. It isn't for him, it isn't for stuff he wants to buy..nope it is for me and my girls. I do not lose sight of that because at the end of the day I ask myself, Does he want to be away from us, does he want to be working 10 hours days, six days a week? You need to stay rationale, no matter how hard it is.
You have your hands full. I totally get that! You just have to take the time you do have with Jeremy and love him. Put the fighting away. One thing that does bother me, and again.editing might be obscuring my vision, but he is very cold. You say that you love him and get a blank stare, no words back. I think that counseling would help break that, but only if he is willing and right now he seems very adamant that he is not interested. Maybe it is just lack of communication, or maybe it is just the nagging but you might need to push with more affection. I think that saying, Kill em' with kindness, would work in the affection department.
You are under a lot of stress, but you still deserve to be treated like a great wife. Do not lose sight of why you were married and do not throw in the towel at the first fight. If you meant your vows, do not give up. This is something I wish someone would have told you with your marriage to Cory. If you would have bought that stupid old pick up...you never let me drive... there would have been compromise and a home might have followed. If is water under the bridge and you can not go back, just move forward. You found Jeremy, now it is all about showing him your love and getting him to show you his!

As for you absolutely beautiful girls...Alleah is a normal 4 almost 5 year old. Her behavior is hands down, normal!  I speak from experience, as my 5 yo exhibits the same rowdiness. My children are 2 years apart and completely different! Ali is so stinking adorable! You stay so strong for her and I swear it is keeping her thriving! I am still in shock about the results and just want to give you a huge hug. You and Cory handled the news better than I knew Hubby and I would have. It is a huge hurdle, but if anyone is going to get through it, it will be you.

I love the co-parenting that Cory and you are managing and although I personally, would love to have seen a happy ending between the two of you, I am happy with your life partner decisions and love the fact that you both talk regularly and work together. You have to  for those girls and I love the Mom you are for always keeping that as your primary focus! I love your Momma too! She did/does good with you and you are so lucky to have her always by your side. She is open and honest and listens and that is something you truly need.  I would never sit here and try to act like i know what your going through. I don't and I am so sorry you are going through this, but know that you and your girls have touch my heart. I know that you and Jeremy can gt through all these hurdles. Please just remember that marriage is work. It is not meant to be easy and understand where he is coming form. That being said, I hope that he can somehow understand where you are coming from and the things you deal with  and hold up on your shoulders daily. Men don't ever seen to though.

Please hang in there, live for you girls, your family and never give up! Keep pushing Ali, she was put on this earth as an inspiration. She is truly a kind soul and when you put Alleah and her together, they were meant to do something big in this world!

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You girls are all amazing. I hope that we see you again, that you keep inspiring us all, young and old. Keep your message loud and preach it to your own little ones. Having kids is not easy and it will not keep a man. Thank you for hopefully helping me instill some kind of protection and the importance of such for my own girls in the future. It can happen, it will happen unless you are careful and yes, to you!

Take care ladies and keep on being Great Moms. 

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#teenmom2  #strugglespayoff  #kidsarehard

~KEL~

Monday, April 14, 2014

Monday Madness..I work at HOME!!!

What does WAHM mean?

Work at Home” Is Not A Job Title

WAHM to me is a Life Changer! I am so excited/proud to say that I am a WAHM, or for those of you who are thinking to yourself,  a WHAT?  I am a Work At Home Mom!

 

I am over the moon excited to announce that the position that I was going for, as a Work At Home Administrative Assistant, has become a dream come true!  I landed the job and can not wait to get it all started! 

This was a huge, but easy decision for me! My Hubby was even pretty easily convinced. Of course, it was making sure it was on the up-and-up and all that good stuff, but the whole Work At Home aspect of the job was an easy sell for him. He knows how much I wanted to be able to be home and also be able to work, I have been busting my booty for the past three months with courses just to make this somewhat of a reality. I am so excited that this position just fell into my lap and that it is a dream that is becoming my reality! 

I was offered earlier last week and upon acceptance, and a few wonderfully happy phone calls from the Manager and a person on Staff (made my day!) I am officially a Sophrona Solutions Employee! 

your employees, what motivates them, how to improve employee ...

I am running and haven't even bothered to look back as of yet!  I had to resign from my current position on Thursday, which makes me feel almost bittersweet about everything. I am sad to say goodbye to all my co-workers and my position, of which I have held for the past five years, but I am so happy about my upcoming journey and the opportunities that are waiting for me in this new position. It is the mixed emotions of not knowing exactly what to expect but thrill for what is yet to come, type of feeling! 

My children are thrilled and, although they wont be present for my work-day, they are just excited that Mom gets to take them where they need to go..after all I have missed mornings for the past five years, right!
 
My Hubby was kind enough to go get a desk we had at our old neighbors house (he is awesome and we so appreciate him allowing us to "store" the desk in his garage for the past, um, three years or so..) and brought it home last night so I can get "set up".  Now, I can not wait! I have a home office now, but I am looking for a little nook that is downstairs, so that I can have windows and fresh air and kind of know what is going on in the world! So, I am setting up shop in our enclosed front porch room. (We are currently using it as a makeshift play room for the girls and a storage area!)  I have a lot of work ahead of me in the next few weeks. I have cleaning, painting, setting up the desk area, working with Hubby to find a window (we are missing 1 bank window) and adding some more drywall on exterior walls. Then, I should be good to go and I can not wait!

 

Here is to working at home and having this incredible opportunity at my feet! I seriously can not wait to get this started and embrace this new adventure by jumping with both feet first!

The power of words is amazing to me. I wrote it and work hard to make this happen and honestly, I can not even believe it IS happening! It is a dream come true that I can not wait to start!

Until tomorrow...

~KEL~ 

Friday, April 11, 2014

Fabulous Friday!!! - BIG NEWS!

It has been a week of GREATS for us!

I have posted previously about a job opportunity that I was actively following and I was offered the job on Wednesday! Of course, I excepted!  I am scared, nervous, excited and happy with my decision, kind of in that very order!

I had to resign from my current position and it is almost bittersweet. I am sad to say goodbye to all the faces that I see on a regular basis, but happy to be moving onto a new, exciting opportunity. I just feel that I have been living my life in slow motion since October, when we received the news to start looking, because our company was up in the air with ObamaCare. 

The office has been very mute this past week also. There is a lot of chatter about letting people go in different departments...so this literally fell into my lap at just the right time.  The big guy upstairs always had a plan!


I have been praying a lot to ensure the safety of my family and for God and our loved ones to watch over us. I just feel like the bottom is going to fall out from under us and I can not explain it.  It does not have anything to do with job change, but just a feeling of the calm before the storm.

I start in a few weeks and I can not wait. I am excited to see what the job really entails, as well as workign with this super awesome crew. I am very impressed with this company and their kindness and think that it will be a great match for my and my skills that I bring to the table. Plus, I get to finally be a WAHM! I am more nervous about that and still having time for my kiddos and all that. It is a dream come true. I have been talking about workign from home for years now and for that to be a reality is creating unbelieveable feelings within!


Hope everyone else s Friday is treating them well.  We are finally getting excellent weather and have been spending a lot of time outside! (Love us some great outdoors!)

Just FYI- I will be changing up my format next week.  Marriage Mondays are getting a little repetitive.  I have some things, randoms, that I would love to get off my chest and I am sorry ahead of time if you follow my blog and have to muster through my thoughts. I just need to stay true to myself while trying to make this blog fun to read and interactive.  Still a work in progress, obviously!

Until next time.. Have a wonderful weekend!

~KEL~  

Throwback Thursday...Let's think back to College Years...

Let's take a look back..to those years when you were starting college, or well into it and all the things you did, or didn't experience.

What are some of the life experiences that you were able to take under your wing and embrace? 

What were some life experiences that you avoided? Do you have any regrets?

 

It has been so long since I was in school. Seems like yesterday, but it was a really, really, (let's face it, really) long time ago. When I think back to my freshman year I am hit with the memory of crying in August, days before my College Orientation.  I did not want to go.  A lot had to do with the fact that my Best Friend was not going to school, so I was going to be all alone..

But, I went to orientation (funny thing is that my College was about ten minutes from my house!) and I ended up meeting new people, fitting in just fine and made it through the day. 
My first day was full of anxiety, worry about where my classes were located, and if I could find an open seat far away from the professor! (I am social awkward..)

My college experience was fun. I met some people, including a guy who was in a fraternity and had a little experience with college life. Let's just say that nothing went far and it was not for me! I preferred my guy friends, whom I did not lose touch with. I lived life like I was still in High School, of course I did not know it then, but looking back, it was fun, we would drink, party and find crazy things to do. I guess that was what made it a great experience. 

Do I regret not getting more involved with College life, um, no.  I hung out with my friends from high school through my college life and we did the "club" thing and parties and bar hopping and all those things that you do as a normal twenty one year old. I even met Hubby and started a relationship with him during my college experience. 

I probably would not have graduated if it were not for him and his push. He did not go to school and really pushed me through my education and I really appreciate him for that.

As for looking back on those years I can honestly say that I do not have any regrets. I tend to live my life with the mentality that everything happens for a reason and as it should. (I think it is from a fortune cookie or something!)

I actually drank until I was twenty one and stopped. I have had a drink here and there, but it does not entice me in any way, shape or form.  I would seriously rather have a nice, cold Pepsi over an alcoholic beverage. 

Life is a journey.  Even as an adult, I am still on a journey...every other week.  I think that I will never stop learning, and I am OK with that.

Hopefully, you too do not have any regrets as to the way your have lived your College Years. Embrace your story, don't compare. It is your own and can be written in any way that makes it just that..Yours!
 
~KEL~
 

  

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Wacky Wednesday..Real World Explosion RECAP!

It's Wacky Wednesday!

Let's talk Real World...Explosion! 

It has come to an end and boy was it ever engaging! I miss it already, as the last episode was on Monday where the gang all got back together for a "tell all" that proved to be full of surprises!

Did you watch the season?

 

I have no idea what happened to me this year! I mean, The Real World, really? I have not watched the Real World since I was in High School, and let me tell you, that was not recently! I tuned into the first episode, by a misguided remote, and have not been able to turn away! 

I was engrossed in the stories, the characters, the show itself! I was simply put...hooked!

The season started out, much like the Real Worlds that I remember from my past..with lots of "hooking up" among roommates. That mating dance that happens when you put men and women into a house together and they are getting acquainted...or rather picking a mate...always is pretty fascinating. Go MTV, right!


Meeting the Cast (The O.G's) ...from MTV.COM

Arielle Scott-  
A rough childhood and a short stint in foster care didn't keep Arielle from completing her degree at UC Berkeley. Originally from Vallejo, California, Arielle has had her hands in a little bit of everything from filmmaker to model to various start-up businesses. Arielle has commitment issues and can't seem to stay in a steady relationship. Intense flirting, dancing, and clubbing has held her back from committing to her ex, Ashley C., but she doesn't mind hooking up with her from time to time -- as long as it's on her terms. Sharing is not completely the issue, as Ashley C. doesn't mind inviting a third party to their sexual soirees. Will Arielle settle down with Ashley C. once she moves in, or will Arielle continue to have issues with commitment?

Cory Wharton-
On a journey to do the right thing, Cory complicated his life with multiple women and his inability to express himself. Previously a football star, he lost his athletic scholarship due to a pregnancy scare with a girl he was dating. He later discovered that the story was a complete hoax, which led him to leave school just a year before graduation. Cory has dated his ex-girlfriend back home, Lauren, on and off since seventh grade. Their stormy relationship has resulted in ongoing issues with cheating, jealousy, explosive tempers, and crazy arguments. Cory was less than thrilled to find out his ex was joining him this season on the Real World, since he'd already started a "friends with benefits" relationship with roommate Jenny. Will Cory make up with his ex and form a friendship or more with her? Or does he find himself so attracted to Jenny that he wants to let Lauren go?

Jay Gotti-
Jay is a classic womanizing heartthrob (or so he thinks), who doesn't shy away from conflict. He works as an emcee and promoter at a club where he spends most of his time omitting the truth to pick up girls and ultimately getting them to do whatever he wants. Jay has been dating his girlfriend, Jenna, for almost two years. Although the relationship is off and on, Jay doesn't seem to want to settle down and continues his "player" ways. Jay has never really left his hometown of the Bronx, and with his NY attitude hitting San Francisco, these ladies better watch out. Flirting with his 60,000 followers on Twitter and Instagram constantly leaves him in the doghouse with Jenna, yet he always knows the right things to say to avoid getting caught. Once Jenna moves into the house, will Jay stop the flirting so they can move towards making it official - AGAIN?
 
  Jenny Delich-  
This ready-to-scrap rebel is loud, brassy and not willing to hold back; Jenny is passionate and will not let anyone take advantage of her. She moved from Missouri to Los Angeles to pursue acting and singing and continues to put one foot in front of the other to make it in the big city, but has come across a lot of people trying to lie to her about taking her career to the next level. Before leaving Missouri, Jenny had a serious boyfriend of four years, Brian, who she met while working at a club in her hometown. Though in a long distance relationship, her sex drive and Brian's empty promises of moving to LA have left Jenny longing for love from guys AND girls since arriving in Tinsel Town. Jenny's flirtatious behavior, including hooking up with roommate Cory right after they met, threatens the future of her relationship with Brian. She is completely shocked to find that Brian has moved into the house, especially since she just slept with Cory for the past couple nights. Will Jenny clean up her act and make it work with Brian?
 
 
  Thomas Buell-  
A troublemaker by nature, Thomas loves to create conflict by coercing his friends into doing obscene things. He is very blunt and doesn't care if speaking his mind hurts others. His extreme competitiveness can sometimes make others perceive him as a self-absorbed jock. Thomas' sex life blossomed when he lost his virginity to his high school sweetheart, Hailey. The two were supposedly first-time lovers, but there is some doubt that it was Hailey's first time -- a huge issue for Thomas because he wanted to lose his virginity to another virgin. Thomas finds new love in the house with roommate Jamie, but their relationship is extremely rocky as they are always trying to one up each other. When Hailey comes into the house, she complicates things, feeling that Thomas has downgraded himself to be with Jamie and will do anything to get him back. The couple has had a few breakups and makeups in the past, so will they be willing to rekindle their relationship and put aside all the bad and focus on the good?
 

Jamie Larson-
Jamie is originally from Pflugerville, Texas, which she describes as "a mix of country and ghetto." This tattooed hottie is a troublemaker willing to confront any issue head on, which sparks an early feud with roommate Ashley. Jamie is not shy about expressing her sexuality, and her desires are met when she starts a relationship up with roommate Thomas. As they try to keep their sexual relationship a secret from the roommates, Jamie and Thomas continue to fight about their status. Will Jamie's attitude toward life keep her from finding love? And once Hailey starts making a play for Thomas, will Jamie back down or fight back?

The Infamous- Ashley...Mitchell-
This pageant queen beauty is a force to reckoned with -- her stunning looks and tough personality are all she needs to get the attention that she craves from her numerous male friends. A San Francisco transplant originally from West Virginia, Ashley's bubbly personality and her connection to all of the late-night hot spots are initially welcomed by the roommates. But eventually she clashes with a few of them (especially Jamie) as they began to question who Ashley really is. Will the roommates give this party girl another chance or leave her floating off into the San Francisco sunset?




And the PLOT Thickens... by adding the Ex's- after Jenny and Cory started "hooking up" and Jamie and Thomas were starting a relationship!






  Ashley Ceasar  (Arielle's Ex)
Madly in love with Arielle, Ashley's main reason for moving into the Real World house is to give her relationship with Arielle another try. Arielle and Ashley broke up numerous times due to dishonesty and betrayals that Ashley could no longer deal with. Despite their rocky relationship history, this Bay Area native wants to settle down with her ex in hopes of eventually getting married. Once Ashley moves into the house will she get the commitment she been waiting for? 
 
Lauren Ondersma (Cory's Ex)
Lauren's explosive temper is the main reason that she and Cory are exes. Though Cory has given Lauren reason not to trust him with his cheating and lies, she still believes there is hope for a future together and that they can make their relationship work. Quitting her job at a hair salon in Brooklyn, Lauren couldn't be more eager to join the Real World and reunite with Cory. Her excitement is short lived because Cory has started to bond with roommate Jenny, and Lauren complicates their "friends with benefits" relationship. Will Lauren find love with her on again off again ex? 

Jenna Compono (Jay's Ex)
Jenna is an aspiring model who has applied to be in and landed a second casting interview with Playboy Plus. She trusts her man, Jay, and nothing (not even him flirting with his many followers on social media) is going to change that! Blinded by his sweet talk, Jenna wants Jay to commit and call her his girlfriend, and she moves into the house to get closer to him. But she'll be in for a rude awakening when she realizes that Jay has been less than innocent with the women of San Francisco. Will she bare it all for the love of her own playboy, Jay?


Brian Williams, Jr. (Jenny's Ex)
A personal trainer and fitness model, Brian's dedication to his ex, Jenny, is what prompted him to move into The Real World house. Though past attempts to make amends with Jenny have failed, he wants to make his relationship work despite all that they have been through. Once Brian moves into the house, he becomes close friends with fellow housemate, Cory, who shares many of the same interests, including having the hots for Jenny. How will Brian handle his twisted love triangle with his ex-girlfriend and new friend?


Hailey Chivers (Thomas's Ex)
Although Hailey does not want to be associated with Thomas' obnoxious tendencies, she has a soft spot in her heart for him and still hopes that they can be together. She is extremely close with his family and attends the same university as him, but they have not been officially dating for about two years. Hailey moves into the house to give her relationship with Thomas another try, completely unaware of his trysts with roommate Jamie. Will their teenage love prevail over his roommate fling?



Season Synopsis (as told by ~KEL~)

The season proved to be full of Explosions, from the beginning, to the middle and definitely at the end!
We start by getting acquainted with the cast, as they, too, are getting acquainted with one another. We watch as a "Friends with Benefits" relationship begins with Cory and Jenny and an innocent relationship starts to bud between Jamie and Thomas.  We watch Jay go to the club and stroke his ego night after night and Ashley turn into a blabbering, sloppy, disrespectful alcoholic. 

Twists of events push Ashley out of the house (Thank God because Girl is off the hook) and Jenny and Cory just have nothing but fun with one another... until the casts returns from a trip on the water to a house with new roommates! Surprise!

All hell breaks loose as Thomas has a fit, like a five year old, about Hailey being at the house, to live! Jay starts to panic because Jenna is there and he has never lived with her before and has apprehensions, Cory finds Lauren and is awkward because of his "situation" with Jenny, Jenny is much in the same boat because her Ex, Brian is there and wants to rekindle their relationship..um, How frickin awkward, right! Then Arielle and her Ex, Ashley are the only ones that are actually happy to see one another and for the experience! It's really sweet.
We watch the cast of Original's struggle with their "crew" a.k.a. the "O.G.'s" and trying to fit in the new group...a.k.a the "Ex's" and lets just say that feelings get hurt!  We get a twist mid-season when Lauren has to go home because she finds out she is Pregnant and NOT by Cory.... who is disappointed in her.  There is a real chemistry between Lauren and Cory and although they do not act on or, or try not to, it is very comfortable between the two of them.  

Jenna and Jay are my fav's - and although I get so upset with Jay and his Playa ways, I like him. I think that he is just used to his ways and when Jenna is pushed by Jamie, and finally gets a voice...she kicks him into shape. I was really pulling for these two kids!

Jamie and Thomas were a frustrating pair! Add Hailey into the mix and I was usually angry. Hailey, we can see through your fake-ness! She tries to act all sweet and kind but I knew she loved Thomas and wanted him back! I was so unhappy with the way Thomas handled so much during the show but glad that in the end he was trying to stay with Jamie..She was kick ass for him and I am rooting for these two kids too!

So, towards the end we have Jenny/Brian drama! Brian is a weird character and his portrayal of being "Mr. High Almighty" was just plain annoying! I wanted to slap him (Thank's Jenny!) and I was so happy when Jenny decided that she did not want to be with him. He was so frickin' vein and annoying and strange. I love Jenny! She is so carefree, fun and bold and her personality really is awesome! Brian wanted her to tone it down all the time and it was really annoying because i felt like she could not be "Jenny" around him.

At the Season Finale we said Goodbye to the cast as they went on their separate ways. We watched Hailey leave early, which was refreshing! (She was like a third wheel in my opinion)

We saw Thomas and Jamie state that they were going to try to make Long Distance work.  We saw Brian's explosion..eh..maybe it was a Demonic Possession..happen the night before and he went on his separate way...alone!

We said Goodbye to Jay and Jenna, who did take a shared car.  We watch Arielle and Ashley walk away, since they lived so close to the house!  Then, we said Goodby to Cory and Jenny, who both said they were going to keep in touch, since they both lived in San Francisco.

Real World Explosion..tell all..

This past Monday, we were reunited with the cast, all looking a little different, some with smiles, some without.  It seemed like everyone took something away from their experience, good or bad or just plain ugly.  

Ashley and Arielle are still together. They both live apart but are rocking at their relationship..which is awesome to hear.
Cory is not with Jenny or Lauren. He is doing his thing.  He did proclaim that he met up with Jenny, but hasn't talked to her after some stuff she put on Social Media...opps!

Thomas and Jamie are still together and making it work! Thank God!

Jay and Jenna are not together and I feel so sad. He was not shy about the fact that he wants her back..bad , but little Jenna seems to have grown a back bone and flat out said that she has moved on. Poor Jay. They were really adorable together!

And last, but not least...Jenny and Brian are...................................................together? Ugh, say it ain't so! But yes, they live together...why am I so disappointed, well besides the fact that she was BLAH at the reunion show...they are bad together!

There was also a surprise visit by Drunk and Disorderly Ashley..why? I haven't yet figured out. She is still a train wreck!

***************
I am sad to say goodbye, but understand that all good things must come to an end. It was a great season and I don' t know that I will watch next season..as I kind of feel like this one was a fluke! It was one hell of a ride and I hope that following the people above on twitter will keep me in their life loop, obviously something about it intrigues me, right!

I do not live the Real World but love watching season's like this! Takes me back to my high school days...God I'm OLD!

Well, hope you enjoyed my synopsis, it's quick, to the point and contains all Kel in it!

Until next time.. hope this gets you over the H U M P!


~KEL~

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