If I could Rename my BLOG....

What would I name it?  I have thought about it...wondered if I had taken a little more time to think it through would it be "Life at Gray Gables?"  What would I have chosen? 

For me, I think that the name is great. I am on a journey and started this blog on the heels of just moving into the dream house, a.k.a. Gray Gables. Plus, how many other houses have a name?  I think that where I am today is because of this old house in so many ways.  I mean, the stress comes from it, the smiles come from it, the feeling of financial security, or somewhat...security come from it, the new memories my family are creating even come from it. This is my life at Gray Gables, after all. 

But recently, I have a lot more to be grateful for, like my old saying, Jeep Wife, Jeep Life!  I mean, Chrysler is helping our family prosper and for that I could not be more grateful for.  My Husband works hard for the company and in return they are helping our fight for a better life. 

All in all, I think that I chose the right name for my personal journey.  I work from home, which has made Life at Gray Gables that much more meaningful, since I am always in it!

~Kel

Back to the B L O G

Taking it back Old School!

As many of you have noticed, I have not been as "bloggy" as I once was- so what gives?  Well, the short and simple answer is.... L I F E.  I know- cheesy, right!

I have been stressed to the max, and my "adult" acne is all over my face to prove it.  I am working L O N G hour days, trying to keep my house...somewhat clean, care for my children and maintain some sort of image as a "Good" wife..and it has been R O U G H.

We recently adopted a Puppy...yeah, that was a MISTAKE.  It has been something we have talked about, looked at cute pictures of puppies and dreamed about adding to our family and then one day, we did.  All I have to say is words were spoken that we false.  It was a conversation that went like this, "I  just need your help at night.  I will take care of him, but with me working at night, I just need you to take him outside."  Um, that turned into Kelley dealing with him at 7 a.m., Kelley dealing with him while trying to get kids up and off to school and such, Kelley dealing with him while trying to work, Kelley dealing with him biting, whining, making messes every time I took my eyes off of him and to top it all off, he wasn't even a cuddler. (Our family dog is a BIG TIME CUDDLER!)  Plus, he was beating up our poor Otis, who refused to bite him back and ended up red faced with cuts to his lips, legs, feet, and ears. (My poor puppy dog) 

Sure, our new puppy is cute. (Peter Parker, a.k.a. Parker is his name) But having a Puppy is hard, especially one that does not quite. (ok, so our Otis is an English Bulldog and we are spoiled with his 23 hour a day sleeping habits!)

Well, I was super stressed because on top of my work, house, kids, hubby duties, now I have to deal with a dog. Um, hello, I already struggle daily to find a minute to myself!  Yes, I freaked out.  Yes, I lost my damn mind.  Yes, I even cried.  It sucks when no one understands, or maybe they act like they understand but they definitely DO NOT GET IT!

So, needless to say, it was causing strain on life, kids, marriage and I kept treading my water!  Guess what happened...Hubby finally got it! He had had enough.  His patience is less than mine and something finally clicked and he sat down with me to talk about Parker going to live with his Dad. Brilliant, right!   Sure, until the day he was supposed to leave us turned into three days later! Needless to say, it happened.  Due to all the feet biting (and it was brutal, breaking the surface, biting's) my kids were all to happy to say Goodbye to our once Puppy, understanding that they can always visit him and Papa Glen is over the moon excited to have him! (thank God!) 

Am I sad...sure.  He had the cutest little face ever! Heart melt-er that he was- but that cute face stopped when you would go to pet him and be met by killer sharp teeth that did NOT stop biting.  I know that he is going to continue having a GOOD life and that makes me happy.  As explained by my Hubby...he just isn't the dog for us!

Today I woke up to a whine free house.  The sound of metal was not echoing throughout from the kennel Parker was in at night.  The air was much more relaxed as Otis got up from his bed along side my own and followed me, quietly to the hallway.  I got up my oldest without puppy cries waking her before hand.  We got ready, and not hurriedly as we have been lately in order to get downstairs to let out our noisy puppy.  We came downstairs to enjoy a nice breakfast.  I let out Otis with ease, knowing I did not have to gather up my shoes and coat to go outside with him. All is well in the Amstutz's house today. 

So how horrible does this make me sound? I feel terrible inside, sad, but I know that it is for the best. I am already stressed by my everyday routine and adding a puppy is worse than a baby in my mind and I already said NO to any more babies.

Today I am feeling lighter and yes, I will miss Parker, but I can always visit, right!

~Kel

 

The Two Kid Twist..

When adding a baby to your family is 

NOT what you expected...

I am a Mom of two beautiful girls, 3 and 5, as many of you already know.  Making the decision to "add" to our family of 3 was anything but easy.  I don't think anyone wakes up one day and says, "Yup, today I want another baby, another think to feed, to hold, to keep me up all hours of the night...another responsibility."  It might happen this way for some, but I doubt most.  Hubby and I planned our first born and we planned our second.  It is weird because looking back, three years later, I ask myself WHY?  I mean, what made us "decide" to have another baby?  Its only in this question that the answer literally pops out and hits me in the face.  I mean, isn't it obvious?  I don't consider myself the best Mom.  I mean, really, it has been rough in my opinion.  I do my best and that seems to be enough for my kids. (I secretly konw that as the years go by and I am learning from my many mistakes that I am getting better!)  I don't really care for the sleep-less night because I am one of those people who loves their sleep.  I feel overwhelmed on a daily basis and yes, this is before #2 came into the picture.  I was going through terrible two's when we decided to try for another- what was I thinking?  

But then, here I am, three l o n g years later and somehow it all makes perfect sense! I mean, basically, we made a best friend for our oldest at the time, but today (and yes, since she was born to this earth) we have the most beautiful, amazing little lady that I honestly could not image my life without. (and this is to be said for my first born also!)  

My girls are nothing but different.  They might resemble each other- despite the Green eyes and Brown eyes, but personality wise, they are polar opposites!  They fight like cats and dogs on a regular basis and when they are together, they are also known as the Chaos Sisters.  They are monsters but each one brings something to the table that I know in my heart I could never live without.  I have little best friends forever and amazingly smart young ladies who melt my heart! 

I am only reflecting on this topic now because it is amazing how often I will be so out of my mind frustrated that I catch myself wondering why I ever had kids in the first place...and guess what, I laugh.  I am not even kidding.  I probably look like a lunatic- being in a rage then laughing out loud as I think about something funny my three year old did or something totally off the wall that my five year old said.  I think that my purpose all along in this life was to be a Mom, whether I always remember that or not.  There are so many greats about it...and yes, so, so many not greats, but it gets me out of bed each day, and also puts me back in it far to early at night!

And although Hubby and I made the decision that after having baby #2- and all her breach-ness...to end the babies at that..  But our journey has not ended...our chaos has only just begun...and the fun times happen on a regular basis!  

I guess the moral of the story is, what would I do if we had not expanded our family?  That is just as simple to answer...probably be bored out of my mind.  (Not that my five year old is not FUN..but she would have been one lonely kid) 

So, for all those who gave the advice to me when I was pregnant those many years ago with my second baby...it has not been terrible. It has not been hellish.. It has been a journey that I have at least fifteen more years to travel! (of course, it is way more!)  Our life is busy.  Our life is crazy at times (you would love to be a fly on the wall in our house in the mornings...while three girls get ready, quietly, as Hubby is fast asleep!)  Our life is magical at times (thanks Disney!) but it is our life and much better as a four pack!!!

~Kel

#Neverforget

Never Forget.....

Today marks the 13th Anniversary from the day where our country literally stopped.  I was 21 years old.  I was supposed to go into work around noon.  I had school, which was cancelled and remember the news, the images, and most importantly, the silence.

In the early afternoon, shock was surging in waves a crossed our area.  The Manager from the store I worked at in the local mall called me to tell me that I was not to come in, since the world had literally "shut down"  and we talked for a long time.  She cried, being older, I think she knew what all this meant.  I was naive as could be at just twenty-one.  I saw the images, I felt the tears, I knew the devastation....but I don't know if at that moment I truly understood.  I know the impact that it had on my family.  My Dad was a Firefighter, my Grandpa was retired at that point- but I could see the graveness on their faces.  I don't think that I could ever write what was felt that day, or the days that came after.  I talked to my crush mid morning while he was at the license bureau getting plates for a 1963 Impala that he had just bought...another moment that makes this day so memorable.  That crush would later be my Hubby.  Kind of a solemn day for us knowing that this day impacted our lives in a negative way and a positive.  That day began the rest of our lives, knowingly or not.  

I have not made it to ground zero.  I want to go.  I know that my own Dad was supposed to go to New York shortly after September 11th happened and due to circumstances that are not totally clear, his battalion was pardoned.  I know he would have went, would have paid his dues and would have looked forward to it, because that was his loyalty to his brotherhood, but a part of me feels that in some unforeseen way that was God's way of keeping my Dad.  So many tragedies happened after the initial tragedy.  

I don't fully understand what the goal was to 9/11 from a terrorist point of view- besides getting the U.S.'s attention.  I know that mission was accomplished and it saddens me to think that it was at the stake of so many lives lost.  It is horrible that someone can live in a society where they are "trained" to fight and give their life as repayment- like their life is nothing but a pawn in a game of chess.  This is the part where I THANK my lucky stars that I live in America.  I thank my ancestors who choose to "get out" and find freedom. I thank my illegals who came to America to find a better way, a better place and a better life.  I know that even for them, it was not an easy feat. 

That being said, here we are 13 years later and America lives in fear everyday of something like this happening again.  I wish that the people who were able to get free of such a repressed government/dictatorship would grab the reins of their life and stop living in the shadows of their own doubt on self worth.  They have made the leap to the U.S. and are wasting it waiting trying to plot some insane plan to hurt innocent people who have nothing to do with the brainwashing that is happening across the pond.

I think that our country is a target and it scares the hell out of me.  It makes me question why I brought children into this sick world everyday.  I am saddened about the American's who have been taken hostage and are being beheaded because of sick people trying to capture attention by the U.S.'s government.  I don't know the answer. If I did, man would I be popular!  I wish someone did, or maybe someone does but at what cost.  I guess that is the question.  

I wish I had the answers, or at the least, a right answer.  I have some answers - but none of which anyone would like...

But today is not about all this, today is about remembering.  Remembering all those innocent people who went to work on September 11th, 2001 and because of selfish, egotistical maniacs, they never made it home for dinner.  

#neverforget

~Kel

The way time flies...

The way time flies...

I think that it is very important to remind all the new Mom's out there that are struggling with sleep, fussy babies and the reality of their new role to remember that the work and time they are putting in now is not permanent.  The late night feedings are going to end, the party in the crib at 3 a.m. will go to, the need of a Mom to kiss a boo boo or cuddle or pour more milk will be followed with "I can do it myself" and it happens fast!  I saw this and wanted to share with my readers.  

It is called: 

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms you will never be the same

You might long for the person you were before 

When you had freedom and time

And nothing in particular to worry about

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before

And days will run into days that are exactly the same

Full of feedings and burping

Nappy changes and crying

Whining and fighting

Naps or a lack of naps

It might seem like a never-ending cycle

But don’t forget….

There is a last time for everything

There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time

They will fall asleep on you after a long day

And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down 

And never pick them up that way again

You will scrub their hair in the bath one night

And from that day on they will want to bathe alone

They will hold your hand to cross the road 

Then never reach for it again

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles

And it will be the last night you ever wake to this

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus” and do all the actions

Then never sing them that song again

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate 

The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face

They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time 

Until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.

For one last time.

I can relate to what the writer is feeling.  I was wise when I had my second child, I was able to remain patient as I stayed up, hours on end, with a restless little girl. I would rock and rock and rock until she fell asleep in my arms, knowing that this was the last child that I would rock in my arms to sleep. I still take moments to "help" her do little things, like eat, brush her teeth and get dressed, but even these things are fading off into the distance as she is gaining more and more independence.  It is hard, as a Mom, to let go.  It is hard to stay patient when you want to scream because your children are crying as if they are infants and not letting you in on what the problems are- but you need to remember that in these moments, these are the little moments when you are still needed, because soon enough you won't be.  I am unlike anyone else in the world, my life is busy. (understatement) But, I try so hard to take a few minutes with my girls, to enjoy them, to laugh with them, watch them and remember this day or moment or time.  It was a flash and I already sent one off to Kindergarten and I know it will be one more flash before my second follows.  I will baby my last baby a little more, with looks of annoyance from my Hubby all along the way, if only he knew what I knew.  But, I am a Mom. It is different, having carried this being within myself for almost nine months and bonding with this new baby morning, noon and night.  My kids are my world and my expectations as they grow are to grow with them. I will be a positive force in their lives and help them, talk to them and be a parent but also be a friend.  I want to know what my kids are up to without judging them. I want to be able to listen to their adventures without putting my comments into the conversations.  I want them to be opened and honest with me and their Dad and feel confident that we are here, no matter what.  I think that deep down, every parent has this expectation when embarking on parenthood.  I think it gets lost somehow, forgotten what it is like to be a kid, a pre-teen, a teenager and a young adult.  I don't want to forget.  I want to, in a sense, live these years with them, not as a unknowing parent. 

As my Kindergartner left for school this morning, I realized that this is my homework.  I need to not lose focus on my expectations of myself as a Parent.  I have two daughters, after all. I will always remember the late nights, the frustrations that I once had and feel bad that I was even allowing myself to feel these emotions because today, with my 5 and 3 year old, I would give anything to get those little slices of heaven back, to have those moments in the dark with me and my baby and the silence of the house around us. 

It goes fast, so instead of being frustrated, angry or regretful, be grateful.  You get these special moments, these everlasting memories that are only you and your child's. That is something that will be with you until you die. 

~Kel

A letter to my Kindergartener

To Adventures, New and Old...

Monday, August 25th 2014

Today you embark on a great journey, as you get dressed, brush your teeth and eat your Cocoa Puffs (yes, after you wanted something "healthy" and requested Honey nut Cheerios and did NOT like them!) - you gather your things, including the lunch that you helps Mommy put together, and we make our way to the end of the drive, a.k.a. The Bus Stop.

I take the chairs, so you and Sis can sit and relax while we wait our 15 minutes for the arrival of the big yellow #72. It is a BIG day for you, whether you know it or not and an EVEN BIGGER day for Mommy.  I feel the butterflies, the tears well in my eyes, my heart skip a beat as the anxiety of my First Born baby getting on the school bus and leaving for the ENTIRE day.  I worry all those things that Moms are supposed to worry about...will you find your bus after school, will you be able to get your lunch all opened by yourself, will you be able to button your pants at your potty breaks.  I worry about you being tired and getting cranky, as you usually do!  I worry about you making friends and sharing and talking back to the teacher.  I know this is ALL normal for a Mom to do, but as much as I worry, I also know that this is an important day for you.  I remember your face as you enter the bus and find your seat.  You smile and wave and I can tell that you GOT THIS!  I am proud.

It is now that I am able to reflect on my fears and turn them into something positive.  You are an amazing young lady and I am truly honored to be your Mom.  You make me proud in so many ways.  I love you more than I could ever show you and can not believe what a great child you have been. (I can say this earnestly, having my second one going through horrible threes!)  Being your parent is one of the greatest gifts in my life. (I think your Dad can agree!)

I want you to know that I notice your kindness, as you help your Sister dress her baby doll, or put toothpaste on your toothbrushes. I notice when you help her put on the witches costume when you play Bubble Witch and dress up.  I notice all the little things that you do, even when you think that I am not paying attention.

I love that we have embarked on Chapter books and love your eagerness to read. You will be reading in no time kiddo, I promise!  I am very proud of you and although I miss you terribly, not seeing your face until after four o'clock, I know that you are learning and happy, and behaving.  I will also hold the day we spent together before you Kindergarten test, when it was just you and me, and although I had to work, you were such a great listener, a good helper and we had such a good lunch together!

I hope that your education challenges you, allows you to be the person I know you will be one day.  I hope that you make friends, enjoy your childhood and have FUN.  That is all I ever wanted for my children, to make memories that will stay with you as you grow older. Good memories!

I believe in you.  I believe in what you can do, what you will be and who you will become.  You are destined for greatness, I have known this since the day you were born. You have a purpose on this planet and if you listen, you will find it and if you follow, you will become.  As you Mom, I promise to always be here, to push you, to test your limits, to help you strive to always be better, do better and find happiness, no matter what or where that road might take you.  I promise to always love you and comfort you and listen.

You are my bug, always have been, always will be...and I love you Kiddo.  You and Sis are my world.

Love you forever and always...to the moon and back...

Mom~

8/25/2014

The night the Music stopped..

Last Night..the music stopped...

Well, Brahms Lullaby by Celine Dion, at least.  It is a sign that my house is getting older and I am saddened by it!  I mean, I knew this day would come, maybe not so soon, but I knew, didn't I?  We are battling another...yes, another Summer Cold as my oldest starts school.  We are all a little more cranky, than usual, and tired.  So, I put in H2O for my BIG 5 yo and nestled her into bed around 7:30 p.m. last night, snug as a bug.  I mimicked the method with my 3 year old, but instead of mermaid, she wanted Minnie Mouse.  I had thought all was well, until about 8:30 p.m. when Miss 3 came down announcing that she was "tireerd" so I went back up to settle her once again in her bed, only to find Minnie Mouse over and per her request, it was time to turn off the TV, she wanted her "music."  Her wish, of course, is my command.  I turned off the TV and hit the button for her iPod on the dock and immediately, Brahms Lullaby blasted out of the speakers. "No, Mommy, I don't want this." "OK, you want music off?" "No, diffrent music pwease."  Yes, my heart sunk a little at this request.  Sure, there were other "songs" on the iPod, but never had she asked for anything else.  So, I ran off the list of what music was on her iPod, we went through Dora, Tinkerbell, Barbie... that was it, she wanted Barbie, but not just Barbie, she wanted Princess and the Pop Star. Lucky for her, there it was!  I switched it on and it wasn't even before I left the room she was already sailing off to dream land.  And, I was standing in her dark room, with Perfect Day playing in the background of my thoughts. How sad! My baby was growing up, no a baby any more.

I think that over the past two weeks, a lot has happened for this Mom. I mean, I am putting my 5 year old into ALL day school. It is scary! I mean, sending her off on a bus, early in the morning and not seeing her until after four o'clock in the afternoon. This is new for me too!

Then, my baby is gaining independence and mastering her newly learned not listening skills. Ugh, three is tough! Definitely not my favorite!  I am going to miss the lullaby that would echo through the hallway in the middle of the night. Now we are greeted with Tinkerbell Fairies from one room and Barbie Pop-star from the other- our house is jamming at night! (Party anyone!)

But the good news is that she slept well.  That is what it is all about!

So, goodbye Lullaby.  You were in my life for over 5 years, but it is time to move on.  Thank you for helping my little ladies have endless nights of sleep.  You will be missed but never forgotten.

Signed, a Mom tearfully saying Good bye to my Last Baby who is now a BIG GIRL...

I now have BIG GIRLS.  (tear)

~Kel