It's another weekend and I have been busy! Making changes in 2015 and I am in transition! I am so ready for this change of career, which will also be a change for my life. OK, not ready to share the details just yet, but it is gaining popularity and will eventually allow me to have my own business. I apologize for having to be so vague, but details will emerge as things really start to take off!
Today I spent the day with my Momma and my crazy children. We visited some local Antique shops and all I have to say is that it was a little:
for me with the girls! Imagine a 3 yo and a 5 (almost 6) yo trying so hard NOT TO TOUCH...but sometimes they just could not help themselves. For instances, there is this Kimball piano that I have been looking at for about a month now. It is an 1890 Kimball and I am in love with it. It just needs A LOT of work. (the whole "is it worth it" question is haunting me)
Well, my girls see a piano, and much like there Mother...they have to touch! AGHH... It ended fine, but for a few moments, when listening ears were apparently OFF, I wanted to scream.
Anyways, enough about my family drama! We have business to deal with and let's face it...I am into Sunday right now and LATE.
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Our Challenge Word of the Day is:
com·rade
It has already been a long day. I spent half of the morning explaining the person who was my sister's husband. He had that look. The one I knew I would get if I disclosed that I, Katherine the detective...was weak once in my life. It was the look that I dreaded and I knew Mac would not mean to give me the pity face, I knew he did not mean to look at me in the manner he currently was. It was reaction, human nature and I had to learn to not take it personally.
"I just don't understand. If I had known..." was all he said. I knew how to finish that sentence...'if he had known, things would have went differently when we found Danny in my house that night.'
"I'm sorry." It was weak and I knew it, but it was all I had left to say. I had lied, built up an image of a person that was deceiving. I had nothing left.
"I get it. I do. I mean, you probably never told anyone. Did you, Kat? Did you tell anyone?"
I shook my head. It was so hypocritical of me. I dealt with cases like my own everyday. I had said the whole spiel about her life before his and how can a woman be so weak. I had said that. That bothered me, and I knew I had to walk, pace, while these thoughts, my own words were strangling me inside.
"I hope I am not upsetting you, Kat."
"No." I said, short and sweet.
"I have never been on this end of things, ya know. I mean, I care for you and someone hurt you. Someone that I was kind to, leanent on had hurt you and I am just kind of in...shock?"
He stood up, grabbed me and hugged me. It was to much for my overloaded system. I choked back my tears until I just couldn't anymore. I did not feel pity for myself, or sorry for myself. I felt disgusted about myself. I broke down, giving all my emotions over to Mac to bear and he let me. He held me tight and let me expel my pent up tears until his nice, crisp blue polo shirt was wet on his shoulders. I tried to back up before he was soaked, but he held tighter, sh-ing in my ear, surprisingly soothing me to a calmer place.
Finally he pulled me to face him. We were face to face and it felt perfectly normal, as if it were something we had done a thousand times before. Like we had been huggers. I was a bit uneasy.
"Mac, listen. I do not feel sorry for myself. I need to you understand that and not feel sorry for me either. Do you understand?"
I was firm, my voice much more steady than it had been previously. I had to make him understand that I was a fool, not stupid. I was not feeling bad about what had happened to me. I was not the victim.
"Kat, I know you're strong. I don't want you to ever think that that fact is overlooked. But as much as you want to sit here and tell me not to feel sorry for you, you were the victim. You did not simply let Daniel do that to you, he did it. It was out of your control and you need to understand that. You did something about it, something that shows your strength and that will never change the way that I look at you."
I shook my head. This man, my partner is my career just got me.
"Kat, you are my Comrade." he said smiling.
I could not help but smile back. I was his comrade, and he was mind.
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~Kel
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