Marriage Monday..How do you know if you are ready for Marriage?

How do you know if you are ready for Marriage?

Is there a secret club? How about a Manual, maybe titled something like, "How you know you are ready to tie the know?", or maybe a bubble appears over your head that says ready? 

 

 {google image}

Unfortunately, none of the above exists.  Wouldn't it be great if it did though?  Marriage can be so scary, and sound so final.  It can also be so emotional and so endearing, depending on time, feelings, bonds, communication and where you are in your life. 

A friend of mine, recently disclosed some information about her Cousin.  They were just married last July, after knowing each other less than a year. They were engaged on New Year's Eve and married while expecting. They have since had the baby and the problems that started on the wedding day have increased since baby.  They had some issues with the brides parents and some control issues and now that baby is here they have argued about everything from circumcision, not allowing his mother to watch the baby while the bride/mom is at work, all the way to having the in laws stay with them in their 2 bedroom apartment when they came home from the hospital with baby for two entire weeks. (Yikes! Talk about close quarters! I did not want anyone around when I had my first!)

Now, they are not getting along at all because bride/mom lied about some student loan debt, or failed to tell spouse/cousin and she flees every weekend for her hometown with her Mom and Dad while he works.  There seem to have a lot of issues that go deeper, such as, she doesn't cook, clean, he does his own laundry, he does all the grocery shopping and gets up during the night to get baby to bring baby to her so she can breastfeed. And he works where my Hubby works, which is a ten hour shift job six days a week!.. (Are you serious right now?)

These two kids didn't live together before marriage, did not get to know one another's habits and to top off the struggles of living with someone, just one person, they introduced a baby three months after they started living together as husband and wife. (EEK!)

Pinned Image.

            

I am the first person to say, "To each their own" but in this case, I look at it like this, if this were my daughters, ahh hell no, this would not be because they will cook, clean, take care of the home and know how to do housewife things (although I hope that they find relationships where they can share duties with their spouses! TIP: If you surprise your girl by doing "her" chores, you will get laid) because I believe that it is important for them to know how to do these things for when they are a mother. I also believe they should know how to change oil/tires, unlatch their car's hood and know how to work a lawn mower too! 

But, back to my thought, I would not want my girls to go blindly into a marriage.  I lived with my Hubby before we were married.  We physically purchased a home before we were married or engaged for that matter. We had been together for five years before Hubby decided to "Go to Jared's."  We experienced life before we took a leap. And guess what, after having baby, it was still hard!  I think that only thing that we have gone through that has not been a challenge was owning our own business and this grand project we like to call Gray Gables.  This project, which is still unfinished, has been anything but a challenge for us. If anything, it has really brought us together and taught us how to work together as a team and communicate. (ask anyone and they will surly say the opposite of their own relationships during remodeling!)

So, how do you know your ready?  For us, it was like we were already married.  The piece of paper and the ring just was a vow before God and our family, but we were already living like a married couple and even after the wedding, we still remained the same, in all things. 

I found a quote from ANON that is amazing:

The more you invest in a marriage, 

the more valuable it becomes.

Men who have a pierces ear are

better prepared for marriage.

They've experienced pain and

bought jewellery.  Newlyweds become

oldyweds, and oldyweds are the

reasons that families work.  A

successful marriage requires

falling in love many times, always

with the same person.  Marriages

are made in heaven.  But so are

thunder, lightening, tornadoes and 

hail.  Marriage is the alliance

of two people, one whom never

remembers birthdays and the

other who never forgets them. 

Happy marriages begin when we

marry the ones we love, and

they blossom when we love the

ones we marry.  Never go to bed

mad.  Stay up and fight.  The

secret to a good marriage is

understanding that it must be

total, it must be permanent and 

it must equal . Love never gives

up, never loses faith, is always

hopeful,  and endures through

every circumstance. Marriage is

more than finding the right 

person. It is becoming the right

person.  A heart in love hears

music even when their is silence.

I think that this is an amazing piece.  It says everything that I truly believe. As you know if you read my blog, my Marriage is no different than anyone else's.  We struggle, we have ups and downs, but at the end of the day we are on the same page and have learned, after almost thirteen years together, what works for the other and how to solve our problems instead of just letting them simmer.  I think that in the above the truest saying is Never go to bed angry.  Fight it out! You have to or else you never really solve the issue, you just bury and trust me, it will resurface.  

Pinned image.

For the couple I spoke of above, I think that they need to see a marriage counselor, they have deep rooted issues and they are at the point where the bride threatens child support. That is a red flag that they are doomed if they don't seek help.  How do you move on from those words.  I always lived by the rule, thanks Dad, that there is one place you don't go unless you really mean it! You don't bring up Divorce!  Now, I have faltered before, especially after having a child, it was hard. I was Mommy and getting up at night and with baby all day and that was my life. I broke more than once, dealing with baby, hormones and hubby and I know that those words were spoken, by both parties and it hurts.  It still hurts today that they were spewed in  a moment of weakness. We were able to sit down, rationally, and talk about our feelings and find a way to make it through.  Guess what, we didn't make the mistake twice. 

I have grown personally in the past year also. With baby #2, we were calmer, and our roles were defined. I think that you have to have defined roles in any relationship.  This was a hard thing for me to swallow because I wanted equality a crossed the board. (Yea, right!) It wasn't until I sat down and looked at the definition of a wife, I looked at what God intended of me as a wife, and how other wife's find peace and placement in a marriage that I understood, I comprehended and now I live my life by my idolization of those woman who are Godly and Great wife's to their husbands. I like to do-things for my Hubby because I love him.  I make his lunch everyday before he goes to work, not because I have to, or because he "expects" it, but because I know that when he has that lunch that I prepared, he will think of me. I feel good about that. This has taken me so long to find, to get to this place and in finding this, I found a happier me. Guess what, happy wife, happy life..or so they say!

pinned image

Hopefully these two kids above can find a way to make it all work. I guess the kicker is that there is rumor that bride might be preggers again. (AHH!) 

Good luck to them, good luck to you and hopefully we can all find a Happy Marriage together through God.

~KEL~

Friday FUNDAY!!!

It's a Funday Friday in our world today!

Today it was a great, FUN day! Have you ever had a day that is so great that you can not help but scream it from the tops of the roofs? 

  We got up early (after a rough night with my 2yo) and got ready, had breakfast and headed out to my Mom's, because it was an Imagination Station Day!!! We had our tickets for Titanic (the exhibit) and the girls were dying from excitement of being able to play in the Kids Korner!!

  We get to the center, grab our boarding passes for 11:30 a.m. to board the Titanic. Ok, it wasn't what I expected at all, but hey, my person lived! So did both my girls. Unfortunately, my Brother and Mom parished with the ship. 

   This was the point that my 5yo was seriously board out of her mind. It was cool to see the artifacts and so forth, but at the same time, it was not worth the $22.00 admission. 

  We then headed to the Kids Korner, where they have a Grocery Store (SuperMarket to my girls), a Doctor's Office with ambulance out front, a firetruck, tree house, little play house and burning house that goes to the fire truck.  They had a blast, which makes it worth it!

  Lunch came next, in which both girls must've been so hungry because their Mac N Cheese was the BEST! 

  We saw a few more exhibits and energy was once again starting to drain, out of the adults, so it was time to head on home. 

  It was a great day, my 2yo was exhausted by the time we made it home and was a cranky mess the rest of this afternoon, but all in all, it was a Great Day!

  I love days like this! It is great to know that we are making so many wonderful memories for my babies! And, not to mention, time with my brother, their Favorite Uncle! (ok, so what if he is the only one that they have!)

  Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

  Signing Off~~~

  ~KEL~

   

Thursday...It's time for Spring Cleaning!!!

Is your life full of clutter?

How about your home?

It's about that time when it's out with the old, in with the new.. Or without the new, as my Hubby thinks that getting rid of things means just that, it is time to discard and that does not, in any way, shape -or- form mean to replace!

 

Every Spring we go through this process.  It is the pree-mo time to dust, de-clutter and just get down and dirty with those dust bunnies.  A lot of people take this opportunity to weed through friends and family and separate from the negative ones in their lives. 

After all, this is the time of the year when we are re-emerging from the cold and upon resurface, we want positive and happy to surround us, don't we? Clean and sparkly help too!

So, this brings the next big question, where do you start? Ugh, it can be so overwhelming! I mean, for us personally, we just moved into this old farm house, it isn't even finished and I have dust...boy do I ever! I have drywall dust that seems to re-settle 2 minutes after I dust off anything, and frankly, it leaves me discouraged! (I mean, really, how many times can I dust the end table by the couch? Once, Twice, by the third time I am walking the heavy iron and wood table right out the front door and bidding it a good riddance!)

This is where I would like to share my "list" of how I prioritize my home for spring cleaning. (Hey there impatient friend, I will get to the "list" on people in your life shortly!)

Life at Gray Gables Spring Cleaning List 2014

I like to work from the ground up, so naturally, we should begin with the Floors.  This is when I vacuum like a crazy woman.  Vacuum carpets, including under furniture - this is important because it is Spring Cleaning!  I also get out my trustee old Bissell carpet cleaner and scrub a dub. I want clean here people!  With our hard woods, there really is NO hope to save them, but I will get out my Orange Glo anyways and give them my best shot. You won't be able to see yourself in them, but I will make sure you can at least eat off of them, ya know, if need be..gross.

Next we move to those pesky lamps and light fixtures. Yes, you do need to take down the glass sconces or shades and clean them! Warm, soapy water does the trick and will eliminate those dust bunnies that you know you will let sit until we redo this process in the fall. 

Curtains is our next hurdle. Take them down, hand wash them if you can or send them off to the dry cleaner (wait, do we have those anymore.. just kidding!).  Move onto those blinds. I try to battle these bad boys with a damp cloth and my attachment on the vacuum, but it that doesn't work, I have test and proves to be tried and true, take them outside, hang them from a ladder and blast them with your garden hose! I use a little bleach water if they are turning colors and seems to bring them right back! (If all else fails, run to Walmart and pick up new ones- they are like $4!)

Let's talk furniture! I get debris off my furniture with another attachment on my good old vacuum.  But, when you have two kids, under the age of six, let's face it, my microfiber couch is gross! This is where a mix of dawn dish soap and hot water come into play with a scrub brush and I scrub the heck out of it! You also need to note that when vacuuming, lift up the cushions, I guarantee there are crumbs!  (Ours are not from my kids but from Hubby and his tortilla chip obsession!)

Now, we are getting onto the fun stuff!  Let's open those cabinets! You know what happens next....empty them!  Warm water and a cloth works well to wipe out the inside, then place all the stuff back on in. Check expiration dates when you are sending back to its resting spot. 

Then it is all about dusting, my favorite thing to do...not! My Tip is pretty obvious, but work you rooms dust from top to bottom. Also, focus on those spots that you would normally just skip. You know the ones, like the ceiling! (We have a coffeted ceiling in the new house and I have yet to tackle this task... dreading it!) Don't forget the tops of your cabinets and ceiling fans! 

Next is take all bedding off and wash it all, comforters and the whole nine yards! Even pillow cases and throw pillow covers!  It is important to get rid of those allergens!

This is the time to vacuum your mattress too.  Tip: Sprinkle mattress with baking soda and let it sit for a few hours. Vacuum up the baking soda, flip the mattress is need be and you are so fresh and so clean..clean..

Safety first?  Check those smoke alarms and make sure they will work when you really need them! 

When is the last time you looked down at those baseboards?  Ugh, i just did and found the one reason I love having a bulldog...  Time to clean them with a little warm water and my famous blue dawn!

While I am at the baseboards, I should probably wash walls too! Let's De-cobweb while were at it! Kill a few birds with my one stone here!

Last but not least, it is the time to wash the windows!  Vinegar and Water helps to thoroughly clean windows both inside and out!

On top of all of this, it is important to handle all your ordinary cleaning task too! I use this opportunity to sprinkle my favorite carpet freshener on the carpets and smell the clean air!

What about those people in your life that you are just questioning their place?

 Spring Fever is in full effect for you.  You have the house cleaned, top to bottom and now it is onto the your relationships, too!  So how do you clear stagnant energy and freshen it up with the more important relationships in your life?

Well, start with assess what you have.  Go through and figure out what you want to keep and what needs to be stored or thrown out, kind of like what you do in your closet from time to time! 

Then we need to realize what, in our relationships are we cluttering when we aren't communicating?  This means that you have to take the meaningful relationships and ask yourself if there is something important that you are withholding, if so, it is time to clear the air and say what needs to be said.  You should also make sure that you invite others to do the same, and let everyone speak openly.

Now, spread healthy boundaries. Take those relationships that you intend on keeping, you communicated any issues, and now it is time to set new boundaries in order to learn to say no in the relationship in order to maintain integrity. 

From here, find a balance. The best example is: You have many deep conversations with friends,but not a lot of fun, maybe it is time to manifest some new friends to go out on the town with. When we add a variety of spice to life, we find we are the happiest, especially with a well rounded variety of friendships. 

Now we show love and gratitude to those around you.  But, it is important to remember that the mess will build again if you do not maintain putting in work by assessing, communicating, setting healthy boundaries, finding balance and showing love all year long. 

This helps you be surrounded with better adjusted relationships!

What about Spring Cleaning and your Health?

 Alright, listen up!  It's time to move it, move it!  Move your body!  You owe it to yourself to find a fun, enjoyable way to move your body this Spring. 

Start exercise slowly. Then, let's stay consistent!  You should have your workout clothes by the bed to make it easier for yourself to throw them on and move. Try making an appointment for yourself in your calendar, to make sure you follow through. 

Now, let's talk diet! Spring is always the time when we start with the diet plans.  Have to look good in our bathing suits, right! (duh!)

I am not an advocate for diet pills. I believe in sticking with healthy meal choices and exercise. (I used to be a Beach Body Coach and really want to dive back in -missing Shakeology so much in my diet!)

So, some tips are to keep your food choices simple. Try whole, unprocessed foods, take out sugar and reduce your portion sizes. If it comes from a packet, toss it out! Try high fiber choices like Brussels Sprouts, broccoli and kale, and fruit with the skin still on. 

If you squeeze a fresh lemon into a glass of warm water it will help stimulate your liver and increase your stomach acids. 

You also need to drink 8-  8 ounce glasses of water per day. This will help boost metabolism.

It can be argued that you would be on the right path if you eliminate sugar from your diet completely. Look through your pantry and read your labels!  If there is more than 3 grams per 100 grams of sugar, toss it! 

If you cut out sugar, you will lose weight and start feeling better than you have before.

Happy Thursday All and Happy Spring Cleaning for your house, mind, body and soul!

~KEL~

 

 

 

Wednesday...H U M P D A Y- What are you doing to get over the HUMP?

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

Get over the HUMP already!

I am working hard to get this week over with already! It has been one of "those" weeks, c'mon, you know the ones I am talking about...you know, when you can't wait to get it over with!

I am so ready for Friday. Isn't that sad?  I have this ritual, every week I count down to Friday. I seriously live my life like this- one big countdown!

I have been counting down to Sunday's lately, which is even more depressing. I hate Sunday's. In my opinion, they are just as bad as Mondays! I guess my perception changed when the reality became that this day is the only day the I get a full/work free day with my Hubby! How sad! 

We call it "Family Day" for good reason! It is the only day that we are all home together, even if Hubby does sleep till the afternoon. He gets up in time for late lunch and by 5:00p we are getting ready for dinner, bath time and shortly after its time for bed. Then it is a spin and repeat for the next day. 

Schedules can be awesome, I suppose. Ours has moved and gained wiggle room, but it is still a schedule at the end of the day. A schedule to get us through each day till we end up on  a weekend. At least this weekend will be a 3 day for me! Hallelujah! I am so ready for a little break. I am taking our girls to Imagination Station with my Brother, who is in town from California! The girls are so excited. 

Breaking our routine once again! 

How do you get over the HUMP?  I think that this is a valid question. I know that others that I work with go through the same rinse and repeat schedule that my family does, but how do you find ways to switch it up? 

I have put together a small list of what we do each night, to make it fun, and exciting for my little ladies. I want them to have as much fun as kids as we can produce, safely of course!  (If my girls had their way, they would probably jump off the house! literally!!)

(These are "Girl's Night" activities- since it is a house full of girls at night! ;)

Monday :  Shower Spa... We handle trimming nails, painting piggies, trimming bangs is need be, and a nice relaxing soak in the foot bath (with peppermint foot bath salt from The Body Shop!) It is also Shower night or a relaxing bubble bath for my almost 3 yo.

Tuesday : Play your butt off Tuesday... it means what it says- these girls play their hearts out, after bath, until 8:15p- which is bedtime and trust me they are READY!

Wednesday :  Poppin' corn movie fun! We snuggle in bed of choice and pick a movie and eat popcorn. (we do this after bath because someone always falls asleep!)

Thursday : Fashion Show Thursday...walk the runway in one of the exciting dress up options that these girls have. They try on outfit after outfit and model it. We play music and have the Karaoke machine up and running with the stage set!
 

Friday :  Free for All Friday..by Friday, it is the end of the week and my girls are usually walking Zombies! I let them just hang out, watch whatever they choose, play with what they want and chill until they are ready for bed. (I should note that they are always* ready by 8:15p with the exception of little one who parties until she drops!)

Saturday and Sunday are laid back. We try to all eat dinner together on Sunday and Daddy will join them for a movie and snacks. 

Childhood happens so fast that I hope we are making memorable memories! I try to keep calm and encourage as much play time and fun for them to use their imaginations as I can. 

I hope these little things help them get over the hump as well!

Happy Wednesday Everyone!
 

~KEL~  

Book of the week:

Growing Up Duggar: It's All About Relationships

by  Jill Duggar,  Jinger Duggar,  Jessa Duggar,  Jana Duggar

I am reading "Growing up Duggar: It's all about Relationships".  This book is written through the eyes of the Duggar's Oldest girls, Jill, Jinger, Jessa and Jana.  I am only into the first few chapters and already I love this book.  It is very inspirational and uplifting, and if you watch the Duggar's, you can really see where their views stand, in comparison with how America is, in today's day.

I love the show. I must preface with the fact that I am not a Christian. I really have no denominational standing, I was baptized Lutheran and believe in God's pray and word, but have no practiced during my adulthood. I do, however, have a lot of faith and can only hope that my girls have some of the same morals and values that these girls hold true. They are very smart in their craft and very intelligent in regards to how they want to live their lives and I give them nothing but my utmost respect for their beliefs.  If anything, I think they I would love to aspire to live like this family, minus the 19 kids though. (I will gladly keep the 2 I have, ONLY!)

I have been a fan of the show for years now and admire what Michelle and Jim Bob have done, finding God and asking him to show them the way.  In the end, it has led them to success, a debt free life and a great, moving television show.  I laugh because it is referenced by the Girls that they do not even watch the show, or T.V. for that matter!

In my personal life, I have looked up to them, using their guidance to show my own family the way to finding a debt free lifestyle.  I have read Michelle's tips, used God's prayer and am happy to say that Hubby and I are almost there. It is a huge relief and weight that is lifted and the closer that we get, the better we both feel about our purpose in this life that we share with our children.

But, we are also a traditional American family and watch way to much T.V.  We enjoy the finer things in life, like lots of those T.V.'s, cable in all the bed rooms, new clothes, and material things, computers, tablets, phones, etc.  But that does not mean that I still do not send my well wishes to my God to ask him to continue to show me the way in all that I do, as well as a simple prayer for my Hubby and my children.

I can not wait to get further into this book (I just started on Saturday) as I am finding it moving and motivating and very spiritual for my personal soul. It is uplifting to see the girls life, through their eyes. I think that through the years, they have received some backlash about the way they are raised and the notion that they are raising the younger children, which they do not deny. I think it is fascinating to see the responsibilities that God has entrusted in them and how they deal with what they are faced with. Sometimes it is another person's  word that can bring your own reflections out.

I hope to have this book completed by next week, to share more about what I have learned in my journey of reading. If you are looking for a book to read that is light and easy, yet so empowering and interesting, this is your book. I would encourage all to check this one out and see the world through a different mindset.

Book Information:

In a rare look inside America’s favorite mega-sized family, the four eldest girls talk about their faith, their dreams for the future, and what it’s like growing up a Duggar.Airing weekly throughout the United States, the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand, 19 Kids and Counting has made the huge Duggar family into a media phenomenon. The Duggar children are frequently asked, “Tell the truth; do you really agree with the lifestyle your parents have created for you?” Now, the four eldest Duggar girls—Jana, Jill, Jessa, and Jinger—open up about the blessings and advantages of living the Duggar lifestyle.

With a backdrop of the key relationships in their lives—relationship with self, parents, siblings, friends, boys, and God—the four Duggar girls open up about their own personal faith and convictions, boys, dating, manners, living in a large family, politics, and much more. You’ll learn how the family navigates the difficult years between twelve and sixteen and what the girls look for in a man, all in a frank and fun book that will inspire teens and adults alike. Including lighthearted stories about the younger kids’ antics, Growing Up Duggar is a wise and entertaining trip into a family like no other.

Just a REVIEW:

**From goodreads.com**

Jan 23, 2014 Diamond rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

I must say, I personally really enjoyed this book. It offered insight into the Duggar family from their view point---literally each chapter of the book was written from the viewpoint of one of the four girls which made the book feel conversational. Just as if you were sitting down with the girls over coffee and having a chat about various topic and views. For me, this book also felt somewhat devotional in nature at times, which I thoroughly enjoyed. this book made me think and reevaluate different areas of my life, which is the intended purpose as explained by the girls throughout. Overall, I very much enjoyed the book and would recommend and pass it along to others in my circles and offer it as suggested reading in my library.

 

****

 

So, check this one out, let me know what you think!  Let's read it together!!!

 

 

Thanks and Happy Reading all!

 

 

~KEL~

 

 

Marriage Monday--"How do you have a Perfect Marriage?"

I was asked the craziest question:

"How do you have the Perfect Marriage?"

 As if there were such a thing as a "Perfect Marriage", I can't help but laugh as the question was presented to me. I wasn't sure how to even take it, so that I would not offend, of course. My goal is not to hurt this poor, diluted girl's feelings, after all.  

I mean I was once in her shoes, sitting on the outside, "playing house", waiting for that moment when I would get the ring, the commitment, the life. It always looked so happy from my shoes on the "other side", didn't it?

Now, I do not mean to say that my Marriage is not a Happy one, or a great one, but we are far from perfect. 

I mean, the Perfect does mean:

                           * Accurate

                           * Exact

                           * Without any Flaws

                           * Conforming to the ideal type

I think that Hubby and I can agree that we are none of the above.  We are silly, wacky, weird, funny, grumpy, uneven, unbalanced (at times) and just overall crazy! We say crazy things, we do crazy things and we live a crazy life. (Plus, I am dyslexic, true story)

 {google image}

We are far from "Perfect" and that is OK.  I think that from the word perfect, comes the reality that although we are not perfect, we make our marriage work, for us. I have to say that because what works for us might not work for everyone. It is our own recipe and it has created a happy marriage between us both. There is a difference between the two words. Perfect is not Happy and Happy does not necessarily mean Perfect. 

I love that old saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I think that this can be applied to a variety of things in life, marriage included. My Hubby is my best friend. We look at our marriage as a partnership. There is not one person who makes all the decisions or calls the shots, instead we discuss, even the most mundane things.  For instance, last night I was taking my rattan basket that I used as a hamper back up to the bathroom from the laundry room and noticed that it was looking really bad and started to unravel. I found one that I have been "looking" at from Meijer for weeks now and it would match perfect but I didn't want to bring it home and surprise Hubby, so I have been holding off. Well, I brought it up and he laughed and said, "Get it, already!"  But I feel better, justifying why I spent what I will be spending and confirmation that it was indeed time for us to bring home a new hamper basket. 

Sounds silly, but it is these decisions that we make together that keep us communicating and joined as a team!

 {google image}

********************

The Facts 

(references I found online from others)

25 Secrets To A Lasting Marriage 

By Julie D. Andrews for YourTango.com

These real-life couples have been in the marriage trenches and they're still laughing, smiling and having a ball. Here, their secrets to making love last for the long haul.

1. "We're best friends. You really have to like each other to last. When the sex becomes less important, you better enjoy doing things together (while still doing things apart). We drive for days to car shows sometimes. So we better like each other."
2. Ralph has been married to Teresa for 17 years. 
3. "A key to success was my willingness to give up the home decor I had brought into our relationship. This included my neon-light beer signs, a Jethro Tull poster, a bedroom set collected from at least four non-matching sources, a bamboo sofa, a brick-and-wood bookcase and a roll-top desk from my youth." Steve has been married to Barbara for 24 years (Irvine, CA).
4. "We made a pact to never fight about money. Financial problems lead to divorce. We didn't want our relationship to deteriorate over something as inconsequential as money. We've been through financial ups and downs, including bouts of unemployment and significant credit-card debt. But we never cast blame and remain calm during financial discussions." Lisa and Brian will be celebrating 12 years in June.
5. "Never discuss sensitive subjects when hungry or tired. And eat marshmallows to improve communication. What's the one thing you can't possibly do with a mouthful of marshmallows? Talk. Communication is more about listening than talking. I tell my wife, if something I say can be interpreted two ways and one of those ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one." Steven has been married to Sheryl for 20 years (Longwood, FL).
6. "I once read in an old book on marriage, 'Always treat your husband as an honored guest in your home.' In other words, be on your best behavior. This has rubbed off on me and he reciprocates. It works! My own saying about marriage is, 'A good marriage is made up of a thousand small kindnesses.'" Trudy has been married to Paul for 35 years (Yuma, AZ).
7. "We purposely sit next to each other on the couch each night. My father told me to be sure to do this when I got married. It makes it impossible not to physically touch each other!" Stephanie has been married for 18 years.
8. "Always find things to laugh about. Laugh together. Times are tough. Tragedy happens in all families. Things will go wrong. But if you find ways to laugh about it, you'll form a special bond and can overcome anything!" Dawn has been married to Tony for 32 years (San Francisco, CA).
9. "Couples should have separate bathrooms. It's not a luxury to have one place in the house that you don't share. Forty-five years of hearing your partner gurgle his way through the theme song to Bill Dance's fishing show is guaranteed to start you off in a bad mood. There's nothing romantic about watching your hubby dearest attack the hairs in his ears or yank out an offending nose hair. His scream is guaranteed to send chills down your spine and put off your hunger for that yummy meal he's cleaning up for." Connie has been married to Fred for 44 years (Bellevue, NE).
10. "Remember: Women want to be loved and cherished. Men want to feel respected....even more than they want to feel loved. This may sound odd but it's true. Don't emasculate your man. Don't take your woman for granted. Life gets messy, boring and stressful. Your marriage will have seasons when it's stronger or when it feels anemic. Whatever you did in the early days that made you laugh together, make time to do those same things after 10, 20 or 30 years. Read to each other from a favorite funny book. Watch a favorite funny movie." Judy has been married to Jeff for 22 years.
11. "Keep a date night. Since we married, we've maintained one night a month to go out as a couple. When our children were infants (under six months) we'd take them along, we didn't just sit in the house. It doesn't have to be just you two. Go with other adults or couples. This allows you to have adult conversation and keeps you from hashing over household problems. Unless you have a baby under six months, no children allowed. Don't discuss problems or major issues. The activity doesn't have to be expensive. Have a club room in your apartment building? Host a pot-luck for some friends. You won't have to worry about cleaning for company!" Paula has been married to Dan for 26 years (Athens, AL).
12. "Each person should seek to do good for the other person, instead of fighting over 'what about me.' Then the experience is one where each person is giving and serving the other. A win-win solution." Dave has been married to Rose for 32 years (Roseville, CA).
13. "Facing adversity together has keept us together. Concern for our children has also been a strong force. Once you have grandchildren, the family bond is greatly reinforced." Chuck has been married to Marilyn for 41 years (Richmond, VA).
14. "Our main clue for newlyweds is to plan forward and to look back only to the good times. Everybody has their rough spots, but if everything is focused on past hard times, your marriage can become like an albatross. Remember and revel in your successes. Ignore the times when you failed. Don't look at problems to place blame, only to find solutions. Love is like a boomerang, throw it at your spouse and you'll find it coming right back at you." Don has been married to Estelle for 50 years in July (Sacramento, CA).
15. "In the toughest times, couples need to remember why they got together in the first place. Put your relationship first. Be open and flexible to change. Adapt. These tidbits sound ordinary but we've seen so many relationships break up because one or both partners refused to do these 'common sense' things." Maria has been married to Mark for 24 years (Raleigh, NC).
16. "Divorce is not an option –- not to be thought about, said aloud, considered as an answer to a problem. Almost all problems are short-term. Divorce is a long-term answer. And if money becomes an issue, get counseling immediately. It’s not the green stuff, it’s the values that generate issues and cause arguments." Charlene has been married to Rick for 18 years (Georgetown, IN).
17. "We are both left-handed. That was one of my criteria in getting married. Our three children are unfortunately handicapped—right handed." David has been married to Dee Dee for 25 years (Memphis, TN).
18. "Be passionate, supportive and accepting of what the other person is doing in their personal life. We knew it was important to still be individuals. We each had things we wanted to get done personally. We wanted our work goals not just supported but understood and facilitated. It hasn't always been easy. My husband put up with my two rounds of higher education and five startup companies. Today, I put him on a plane for a tour of duty in Iraq. I might not personally believe in sending troops overseas but I believe in him and know this is important to him." Julie has been married to Mark for 15 years (West Linn, Oregon).
19. "Forget your old 'best' friends. You have a new best friend now. Make sure to have 'your time.'" Rick has been married to Jenn for 14 years (Arlington, MA).
20. "What is most important for a long-term marriage is knowing yourself before you marry." Nancy has been married to Don for 16 years (Temecula, CA).
21. "Dump friends, family and situations that have a negative effect on your life and marriage and expect your spouse to do the same. Keep your sex life interesting. Listen to each other's fantasies. Do not be afraid to dress and act sensual in the bedroom. And plan exciting vacations together." Beverly has been married to Pablo for 33 years (Lampasas, TX).
22. "Mind your manners. Too often we show more respect to strangers than to those we love. Parents often expect manners from their kids but don't use them with each other. 'Please hand me that plate' is kinder, gentler than, 'Hand me that.' Would you, could you, please, sorry -- these are magic words. They're not just for dating." LaRita has been married to Kurt for 27 years (Indian Shores, FL).
23. "We are about as different as a couple can get. But rather than be irritated by our differences, we revel in them. We find each other's foibles endlessly amusing, much like watching exotic animals in a zoo. Not a day goes by without my laughing so hard I cry at my husband's making fun of something I'm doing. We tease each other a lot. It's never mean-spirited. And we're both psychiatrists to boot!" Doreen has been married to Tim for 20 years (Boulder, CO).
24. "We took a lot of trips without our children and both feel this has made all the difference in the world. We had friends who judged us for leaving our kids so often. They are now divorced." Becky has been married to Jay for 26 years (Twin Cities, MN).
25. "Share a common dream. When couples have that, every bump in the road is on the way to somewhere that matters. Without the dream, every bump in the road is a mountain to climb over. Finding your dharma, or what your unique service is to the planet, creating a larger context of meaning in life, puts the little stuff in perspective and makes it easy to process." Lanny has been married to Christine for 23 years (Albuquerque, NM).
26. "If you're in it for life, you're both going to do a lot of growing up and maturing over the years—you have to stay intimately in touch with each other's growth over all this time or you end up not knowing the person you're married to as he/she changes over the years." Ann has been married to Dean for 25 years (Slidell, LA).

 From Huffingtonpost.com

 ******************

 

 

Everyone can agree that Perfect is for the fairy tales. Happy is the key, especially if you are seeking a successful marriage. My Marriage is no different and although I corrected my new friend on the image of us being "Perfect", I did stress that we have had time...time to learn, time to teach and time to figure it out, and although we have had all this time, we are still far from figuring it all out, but we are handling this marriage as a team and figuring it all out together.

Happy Marriages to all!

~KEL~