Marriage Monday.. is he marriage material?

He tells her that he is NOT that guy who settles down.

He tells her that he is NOT looking for a wife.

He tells her that ANY guy who tells you he wants the same woman for the next 50 years is lying.

Sure signs that he MAY still have some "growing" up to do!

I was recently talking with a friend of mine, who, like a lot of women, (including myself), has had a guy who has been in and out of her life for the past ten years. I have been in her life for the past five years of those and have watched this guy come back in and out, breaking a piece of her heart each time. 

Their story is like every story you hear about when you hear about "the guy who is in and out of her life" - she "loved" him at one point, still does in fact and think that he keeps coming in and out for a reason.  She is holding onto the hope that this time is "IT" - unfortunately, thus far, it has been anything BUT.

Her guy was married around the time they started, whatever you want to call it, their love affair. This broke her heart. He ended up with a kid and a divorce and since has been closed on the subject of commitment or labels, as far as she is concerned. At one point he even went so far to have something going on with her and then told her that he had a girlfriend. 

To be fair, this stuff is all in the past. He has reverted to the line that it isn't her, it is him. He has told her that he is not the kind of guy that settles down and she deserves better. I, for one, have heard this line a few times in my early dating years. I think, at one point, I even heard this from Hubby. (long story- maybe next weeks topic)

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So, they had a break, but started a "friendship" back in March of last year. They really didn't see each other until September/ October-ish of last year. It sounded to me, as an outsider, friends with benefits, but then, something happened. He started to let her in a little at a time. I told her to have fun, don't get attached and for God's sake, don't change who she was for him! (He harps on her for emotions, craziness and blah blah blah!) 

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Well, a few weeks ago, they are still re-kindling a romance she finally got to meet his son (he is 6 and yes, this was the first time she EVER met him- kind of strange, right!)  But, before that, he told her about one of his friends and asked her to look him up on Facebook. Something about them all going out  together. Well, this friend starts to call her, and her guys relays the message that his friend thinks she is cute. WTH?  I got weirded out by this! I guess said friend has a committed woman who is super young, playing Wife/Mommy and all that but he goes outside of their relationship to maintain happiness. RED FLAGS!!

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So, she had mentioned all this to me and I was like- HUH? People do this, yes, but not everyone. What is the point? I find this one hard to pinpoint because that is part of the zero-tolerance that my marriage lives by. (This went even before marriage- commitment is commitment.) 

Well, I was just curious as to why he told her friend said she was cute- it seems to me like a swapping of some sort was in question- ewww.. 

I guess that over the past weekend something happened and the topic of the friend was once again rehashed. The Guy went off on my Friend about how he was not marriage material and how any guy who says they want to be married to the same woman for 50+ years is a liar.  Guys like that don't exist. He was so rude to her, pushing her away and breaking her down. 

I was told all this today. My first take is that he is scared.  He is having feelings for my Friend and is pushing her away because he doesn't know how to handle it all. He knows that the open relationship is a hot trigger for my friend and is using it to his advantage. The problem is that he hurt her by the words he spewed at her and really cut into her self esteem. 

I told her that he is messed up and shame on him. If it were me, crazy would have been unleashed. I don't like guys who want to tell you how YOU feel, how they think THEY are or anything else for that matter. I would have told him that I was stopping at the damn store to pick up some Midol for his cranky ass. She just took it. Poor thing. 

I told her that she needs to realize that she is better than him and until she pushes him away, he is going to continue to use her for a door mat and God Damn it- for her not to dare be a place he wipes his dirty feet. I also told him that he goes back to her all the damn time because none of his other hoes will put up with his shit, but she does, so she is an easy target. 

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The biggest problem with this whole picture is, this guy here, he is almost 40 years old. I think I would be a little more sympathetic and even open minded had she told me he was in his mid twenties- right!

I just hope she can pick herself up and get herself out there, but I am worried, as a friend, that she is going to be blind to anyone who comes along because she is really hung up on the thoughts that he keeps coming back into her life because God is trying to tell her something.  I keep telling her that God is just trying to get her some. Period.

I think that I can kind of relate to her because I was one of those girls who had the on again/off again relationship that seemed to drag on forever.  We had a lot of road blocks because we were 14 when we started "dating" - and were each others first true loves.  The kicker was that our families were close. 

It lasted for far too long and went NO WHERE, every time.  I would be heart broken or pissed.  But I never let his sweet talking break me. I always kept myself out there and kept dating and if he came back during those times he was S O L.

It wasn't until right before Hubby that I met up with him, saw a side that disgusted me and left him at the bar around the corner from his house. We had a fight because he said he could NEVER be with me because of my Mom. He said he hated my Mom, his Mom hated her and his Step Dad did too.  I couldn't handle that and walked away, never looking back. 

Who knew he was onto something.. (shame on me)

But, while I loved him, he was my first true love and all that good stuff, I am SO glad I didn't end up as his Wife. I am one luck Bitch! I have a superb Hubby and couldn't ask for anything better. And look at my children- BAM! 

Life has a funny way of turning out. Hind sight always plays a big role, somewhere or another!

Hubby, I and our first born

I just hope that Mr. One liner, I am not Husband Material would get a clue that he has a great girl wanting him- not anyone but him, and the reality of it all is that his stubborn, selfish ass should be ALONE!

Ugh, Marriage Material.  When do guys get it- or does it just have to be the right person? 

Kind of interesting...

Until next week- that is a Marriage Material wrap! And by the way, you don't get to have your cake and eat it too! It doesn't work like that. That is the dumbest shit ever - why even be committed? 

Until Next Time...

~KEL~