It is time to TURN IT OFF, I tell you. Put it down and watch, listen, talk to your kids.
Unfortunately I had to talk to my Hubby about this the other day. It hurts to know that I am hurting him by blabbering on about his short comings, but it really needed to be said. When you truly LOVE someone, I feel like you tell them when they are coming up short and hopefully instead of being angry, they use that KNOWLEDGE to change their actions.
(This is what I have learned to do with my criticisms)
Anyways, it became apparent that, since Hubby has been HOME more, with his Vacation days and eating dinner with us, that all through dinner he is on his phone. He is not engaged with us at all, and when he is...he wants QUIET. (sorry Honey)
I kind of feel like I am in some 1950s TV Sitcom when he is present, because our table is stone cold quiet and when he is not home, we have fun, we eat, we laugh, we talk and we connect. This is always how my table was growing up. We always ate together and unloaded our days, which Hubby is not used to- so I try to cut him some slack.
Yes, the talking does get out of hand and more talking happens then eating- but with some help on FOCUS, I manage to put it right. It is important and I am NEVER on my phone during this time- it is SACRED.
So, I had to bring it up. IT wasn't even dinner time that I was referencing- but my youngest adores her Dad, she wants to sit on or by him at all times when he is around. She wanted to sit on his lap and READ to him. While she was reading, he was disengaged- COMPLETELY. I was responding to her because he was ignoring her. It hurt me. I don't even know if she noticed, but I did.
I think it is kind of powerful to go up against your spouse, I mean to basically "Call him out" about his behavior and it is even more powerful that the usual reaction that I get....I did not get this time around. Stress is ugly. I get it. I know that my Hubby is a hard working guy, he works hard at his job, he works hard on our house and he tries. I totally get that. I guess for me, it is showing him how Proud I am of him, showing him how much I appreciate all he does for US, but also trying to get him to STOP and enjoy LIFE too- because I just feel like he is missing it. This life that we are building is sucking the life out of him and it hurts me to see it happening. I know there is always something to be done in this old house, and I get it that he is trying to do this, that and the other thing...but I try so hard to get time with him and our family and just relieve him of the stress.
Obviously, I am failing!
So, we had a talk. It was not intense, it was not an argument, it was a talk. Shows how much we have grown. He listened. I listened. We were one and all was good.
Guess what happened the day after this talk- he slowed down. He smiled. He stopped yelling at the kids all the time and took a breath. It is so important to remember that they are kids, something that I stress a lot between us both, so we don't forget! He sat on the couch with my youngest on his lap and they talked, they watched Wall-E and it was calm, relaxed and they were both beaming!
What ways do you turn off the electronics and come together as a family?
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~Kel
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