My Life is at a Crossroad..

My Life is at a Crossroad.

I am in the heart of life's journey.  I am on an adventure of self discovery, to find out where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to be and what matters the most to me.  I believe that God puts obstacles in our path, tests, if I may, to help us see the greener grass.  Sometimes it is greener on the other side, sometimes it simply isn't.  I have a decision to make.  One that I was sure of until I listened to my inner self, to my fears, my hesitations, my wants and needs.  This has left me in nothing more than turmoil.  I felt so ready to shed my old self, to move on, to be guided by God's path that he set forth for me only to listen to my heart and my head and the feelings that my body was reacting to my upcoming decisions.  I recently went for a very important interview, the position would be a great fit for me but the hours are long, the commute is over thirty minutes and the pay is less than my current position.  My dilemma is that my current position is unsteady, the future is unclear.  I was ready to move on, or so I thought.  I received great news, only thing is that after sitting back and weighting the wonderful pros vs. the cons, I have more reservations than not.  I have two kids that I am so spoiled by the fact that I work very early in the morning and get off in the early afternoon, which leaves ample time to spend with them.  I don't feel that I am missing out on TO much, although I miss the getting ready for the day part.  I am lucky that I have an excellent Hubby, who to is making sacrafices for our family.  I will be able to pick up my oldest from school in the fall due to the hours of my current job, that this new offer would not provide.  I don;t want to miss my girls lives.  I want to be able to be there for them when they are involved in after school activities and so forth.  I like all the time off that I do get in my current position and really had to reflect on these facts.  I have taken for granted my position and the offer has put it all back into perspective. 

I went to work today with a new light, a new perspective, a new attitude.  I worked hard and gave it my all and even brought out my creative side, which was a light that was slowly dimming.  I am great at what I do and great at the work that I produce.  I want to excel but would be happy to stay in my position if I am able to keep growing. The crossroads of life are stressful, hard and telling.  I have learned from this experience and although the perks were good, they just don't make sense in the grand scheme of my life.  I want to be a Mom first, my family will and must come first.  I need my girls as much as they need me and would not be truly happy being away from them. 

That being said, I don't know what my future holds in my current position, but all I can hope for is that I prove that I am an asset and hopefully that can secure me a spot no matter what happens. 

I think these inspirational quotes sum it all up for my life at this moment in time: