Writing Challenge WORD OF THE DAY:
FINGERS
Time was not as it should be. I had left Mac. I left him right there at the dimly lit, hole in the wall place we call a bar. I left in a hurry, his face an array of mixed emotions as he watched me walk away, in his drunken, slow stupor.
I knew better than to endanger others with my state of mind, the warm alcohol swimming through my warm belly. I walked. Nine blocks, in the cold. Something about the cold, surrounding my still heart, filling my body with the frigid air where the void now was from the loss of my sibling. I had lost a person that I grew up with, a person I had known since she was born. I had lost someone who was a part of me, at one time knew everything there was about me and even wanted to be me. What kind of person am I? I took that for granted and now....it is to late.
This new emotion held me by my shoulders, the weight pushing down on me, until my legs crumbled and I ended up among the concrete of the cold sidewalk. It was dark. Still. It felt as if I were no longer in the world, but within my own thoughts, my mind just as dark as my surroundings.
I was sobbing again. Thinking, whirling my mind around the facts, the scene, the knowledge that the remains...the dust...was once MY baby sister. It was as if I were alone in the world. I felt abandoned. It felt wrong to feel this way since I had essentially abandoned her, I had left, I had been selfish and went about my life forgetting everyone else, including Charlotte.
I felt the fingers on my back first. Then I felt them around my waist, pulling me to my feet.
"Baby, it's OK. It's OK. It will be OK."
"It won't. I need to get it together. I need to find out who..what did this to Char. I need to get out of my head, put my emotions on the burner and get to work."
"You need rest. We all do."
"Oh, Mom." it was all I could say. Her mascara had run clear down her cheeks. I looked up to realize that I had made it home, all the way home to my front door when I crashed to the ground of my stoop. Her embrace was warm and loving and I felt like a child who had fallen off her banana seat bike and scrapped her knee. Mom to the rescue. Only this time, I knew, I had to be there for Mom, she was grieving the hardest...this was her BABY.
I took her hand, I kissed it, held it and told her I loved her. I had to . I could never know what the loss of a child felt like, but I knew it had to be like death itself. No Parent should ever had to bury their baby, that I knew!
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What day is it..C'Mon...What day is it?
Ahh... Thank Goodness- it is FINALLY Hump Day! I am so ready...beyond ready...to get this week checked off. We have been busy with school and getting back to the schedule that is life ...around here. Morning are hectic because my five year old realized how great it is NOT to have school (Thank you 3 snow days!) and she is not liking the whole It's Time to Get UP for School - business!
Plus, we are still TRYING to get over this cold. It feels as if I just keep getting sick..My Dad is getting sick again as well and my Mom is starting to get better...I feel better but still sound rough and my three year old is battling...she is putting up a heck of a fight but we are
3 weeks in and she is not showing signs of getting better YET. I think I will be calling the Doctor tomorrow is I see no sign of improvement for her. BOO
We had some fun this morning- check out our Breakfast in a CUP! It was a blast and the girls got to do this individually and really enjoyed themselves- plus it was GOOD.
Anyways, let me know how we are doing! Tips, tricks, suggestions are ALWAYS welcomed too!
~Kel
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