Well, I think that this post might be overdue. I have been struggling as of late. Trying desperately to figure my life out. It has been a haunted question over the last few weeks. So, I re-evaluated what I like, what I don't, what skills I have, what I want to learn, and most importantly, what I WANT to do with this life.
To be frank, my first thought it, I want to be a 1950's housewife, but who says that? It is true though. I would be perfectly content cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, handling the garden, the house and making sure my Hubby had breakfast, lunch and dinner. (true story)
But, I recently have been told that this is not a reality.
I will never get to be a stay at home Mom.
This was a dream crushed. I went through some depression. It is that whole catch 22, questions, maybe I should not have gone to college, now that I went to college, I am an income earner. (even though Hubby makes more than I do, but I will not go there!)
It is frustrating. I have never had a break and Hubby has had a few. Yes, he works hard at his job, its a factory job, but he should want to take care of us- especially since I have done the taking care of for the majority of our life together.
Anyways, since my Hubby is a dream crusher...I had to think of a new plan. He simply asked me, "What do you want to do?" It seems like a simple enough question, right. Well, when you have an answer that is rejected, coming up with another one is not quite so simple.
So, after some pondering...time to myself...lots of hard work and smoking brains...I decided Medical Coding and Billing (Admin) is what I wanted to do. I signed up for an online University where I will learn ICD-9-CM and ICD-10 coding with my terminology and anatomy, then I take the test and hopefully pass and then I can code/bill from home if I want, or from the hospital, etc. So, I am well on my way. I am taking it serious, making it happen and studying my ass off.
I want this.
But, I would also stay home, if God puts that plan in my path..js.
One day she finally grasped that unexpected things were always going to happen in life. And with that she realized the only control she had was how she chose to handle them. So, she made the decision to survive using courage, humor, and grace. She was the Queen of her own life and the choices were hers.
~Unk
I'm NOT GIVING UP...I'm JUST starting OVER... ~Unk
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." ~socrates
Don't be afraid to start over. It's a new chance to rebuild what you want! ~Unk
With these quotes comes an inspiration for my first, future tattoo. A compass..since I can never seem to find my place in the world.
Are you HAPPY?
A new journey, a new path, a new perspective, a new life. Never imaged myself on this particular journey, starting so unexpectedly, confusion and uncertainty overcame me, but the confusion just fading, I've moved on and forward, slowly starting to see, the meaning. Many things, I, nor anyone will understand. Things happen, I'll just embrace what I have, what I believe, what I love, what I can, what I can't, because I am, who I am.
I'm on a journey. Not specifically searching, not particularly finding, just enjoying this life, with many surprises, that bring out happiness and sadness, disappointment and delight.
The true colors, of men and women, boys and girls, I start to see, and learn, to welcome, or avoid. I like my life, embracing what I have, what I believe, what I love, what I can, what I can't because I am, who I am.
~Unk
~KEL
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