Our lives have changed so much. We lost one of our dogs, he was ten. It was really hard for everyone to lose him. We moved, and our life is crazy! We then, lost another one of our dogs, which was heartbreaking to lose them both this year, a few months apart.
From there, we should say, my life is crazy. Hubby's is too- he is working so much that I have had to take on working full time, taking care of the kids alone, taking care of household duties from garbage to all the cleaning, paying the bills, etc. I feel like I am a single mom and it sucks. I dont know if I would feel better if I didnt have to do the full time job on top of everything else, frankly I feel like i have three full time jobs. This is something that Hubby does NOT understand.
I am trying SO hard to be patient, not nag, not say much of ANYTHING to him. It just sucks because he honestly believes that I dont understand what he is going through and how his sleep is messed up and he is working 10 hour days, and he hates his life. This has been said more than once and honestly, it hurts. I get that he is working crazy, but what the heck are we going to get in this world if we dont work. Frankly, I have worked our entire relationship- he, on the other hand, has been flying by the seat of his pants more than employed, which I am sure has been an adjustment. On top of all that, I am trying to be sympathetic, but, as a MOTHER- my sleep schedule has been all messed up for 4 years! I was the one who got up all night for both kids, on top of getting up at 4:30 AM to go to work- then home, no naps, to take care of kids and clean house until 10 PM. So, I try very hard to have sympathy- but sometimes I bring up these facts- which are me, making it all about me! I call this- ONLY CHILD SYNDROME- which Hubby suffers from!!!
To this day, I get maybe, six hours sleep on a good night! I still don't get naps and free time to myself is NON-EXISTENT! Life of a MOM! But I guess because he is working 10 hours and requires 8-9 hours of sleep, I should feel bad.. My sarcasm could cut through ice here.
I am venting right now, but it has to be done. I should be telling him all this- the sacrafices I have made since we have gotten married or had children. I have NO- ZERO- NONE, free time.. I am with child all the TIME! But, yet, I am trying to be calm and deal, even though this Mommy needs a BREAK!!!
I hear that when communication is to take place that I try to make it all about me or I take it as I am being blamed - so we just dont discuss, which, Im not a rocket scientist here, but is blaming ME now, for why we dont talk. I dont talk because I feel like I am never being heard. Communication is a mother...
I know that all this is normal and somehow, we will survive. After all, we survived remodeling with my parents- that is no small token there! Some days are better than others, right now, its all just tough but I know at the end of the day, God has a plan and our lives are in his hands.
Best quote I can muster is:
'Spending time with the kids is not a consolation prize. It is the PRIZE.'
Derek Shepherd, Grey's Anatomy S10E6
And yes- I believe this- we have good days and bad days but in the end, I am thankful for them or my life would be VERY lonely!
Thats my bitch for tonight everyone!!
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