Personal Goal for 2014- Become a Godly Wife

In the past, I have struggled with my Wifely Duties.  I cook, yes.  I clean, of course. Laundry, I got that!  But being there, emotionally, physically, hearing the words that are left unspoken by the male species-let's face it, I suck! 

My Hubby and I have been "together" since 2001.  I was a wide-eyed twenty one year old when we started on this journey.  We used to have so much fun.  But, our relationship started off rocky because my Hubby was stubborn as all get out and was trying to play the "friends" card and I was not having it.  I made it known, at that tender age of 21, that I wanted him and I always get what I want!  So Christian Grey, before Christian Grey- right!

So, after laying it on him like no other, he finally put the title it deserved and so, our courtship began. (and by "laying it on him" yea, you know what I mean. Hey, a girl has to do what a girl has to do and the electricity between us was sparking all over before this girl ever went there - what can I say?)

Our relationship was great.  We ended up moving in together and then I missed my family so I moved out, then I moved back in--- then we moved forward. 

In 2005, things got even more serious and we bought a house together.  I knew he was the one, and apparently, he knew I was the one.  We moved in November of 2005 and by February of 2006 we were engaged to be married! 

So, married life was good, but some things still lacked between us.  We always seemed to be on different schedules! (this will be the story of our life!) 

We had kids in 2009 and 2011 and basically, things "Got Real" and then sleep was few and far in between and kids were always interfering with physical time. (if ya know what I mean) 

I don't want it to sound like the phyical time NEVER happens, it does, just don't like I think we both want... 

So, now fast forward to 2014, we are on opposite planets!  I work days, he works afternoons/nights and only has Sunday's off.  I mean we literally pass each other.  He gets home, I am getting up and ready for work.  I get home, he is getting up and ready for work- true story!!

This has posed a challenge for me. I want to be a Godly Wife.  I want to preface with the fact that I do believe in God but I do not attend Church.  I do believe that I am his child and want to live a pure life in the eyes of my God.  I also want to be upheld as a good wife in his eyes. 

So, here it goes  - to be a Godly Wife I am trying to remember:

1. Keep God First, your Husband Second.

I think that my relationship with God should always take priority. I seek him out in my times of need or reflection.  The second person that I seek out is my Hubby.  I love my Children, but NEED my Hubby to help make sense of things that have happened in my life, or stories that I need to share.  He is my other half and gets me through raising our children. 

I think that it remains important for our Children to see us act as we should.  They need to see us kiss and hug, they need to hear us say the "I love you's" and know that it is genuine.  They need to see us put the other first and not fall back on selfishness. 

I like this quote:  

"Be the kind of wife you want your daughter to be, and the kind of wife you want your son to marry." 

2. Understand the Covenant

My beliefs are that when you vow to Marry someone, that is not to be Broken.  My marriage is forever.  Yes, it is a piece of paper, but the commitment is to one another and it was spoken before God that Until Death does us part, we are to make these Vows work. 

We both take this very serious and had many talks before walking down the isle, as to what this means to us.  Divorce is NOT an option for us and we both know that yes, it takes work, yes, it is NOT always easy, but we are in this together and will not do anything to compromise this union.

Quote:  "The Bible says it is better to not make a vow at all than to make a vow to God and break it.  God developed marraige, and it is previous to Him.  he chose your spouse for you before you were even born.  He hand-picked that person especially for you, and you especially for him. "

If you stay in God's will, He will put that right person in your path. (I really believe this to be true in my own life!)

3. Submit

I know that right now I have someone up in arms!  I know that before I was married I would have said the same thing, probably just a few years ago you got the same answer out of me.  I was all about 50/50.  I do my share, you do yours.  Then, we had kids.  The scale was always unbalanced! 

I stopped keeping score.  I stopped living tick for tack and started doing things that made me feel good in the eyes of the Lord.  I would do little things that sometimes he would notice and sometimes he wouldn't and I stopped sniffing it out for him "to" notice and just did them for me to know I did them and feel good about doing those little things,while seeking the Lords approval.  This has helped me so much in my growth as a wife.  

It is in the Scripture of Ephesians that calls women to submit to their husbands. Submission is not meant for bad…it’s meant to give us more freedom actually. We are called to submit to our husbands as to the Lord. The Husband's job is to be the spiritual leader of the home, to protect from enemy and to provide for the family.  The Wife's job is to be the home caregiver and to support her Husband by taking care of the household and praying for him.  We will always have our role, no matter how much we wish to resist. I have just learned to embrace my role.  If my Hubby were to handle the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids and laundry, he would never do it to my standards, just as I would never mow the lawn, change the oil in the vehicles, and fix things up around the house to his standards. 

4. Speak Edifying Words Only.

I do happen to think that this is novice.  Basically, it is not acceptable to get with your Woman Friends/Family and "Bash" your spouse.  It is not ok to talk about your husband in a negative light.  We should only be speaking in edifying words to build him up to others, no matter what faults he has to you. 

Yes, men can drive us crazy but by nagging or complaining to our girlfriends about it is not going to change anything.  By doing so to family, it can and will change their opinion of your Spouse and there is no undoing of this. 

I have always been very careful to leave my "venting" at the door, persay.  I have listened to years of venting done by my own Mother about my Dad, still do and never want to follow in those footsteps.  I will build my spouse up to my Friends, Family and my children, so that they know what a great Dad they truely have. 

I think it is also important to praise your spouse.  If he is working hard, let him know how proud you are of him and appreciate him.  Whatever it is that you love or appreciate about him, tell him.  Men thrive off of praise and it makes them happier and more good things can come from it. 

 

5. Manage the home like the Proverbs 31

I am learning how important it is to learn Scripture.  This one is definitely one to learn.  Strive to be like the woman described in the passage and ask the Lord to reveal to you each of these things may look like in your own life.  

Proverbs 31 entails: 

faithfulness
ability to care for her family
ambition + wisdom
compassion + eagerness to serve
strength + gracefulness
health; body + soul

“A good woman is hard to find,

    and worth far more than diamonds.

Her husband trusts her without reserve,

    and never has reason to regret it.

Never spiteful, she treats him generously

    all her life long.

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,

    and enjoys knitting and sewing.

She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places

    and brings back exotic surprises.

She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast

    for her family and organizing her day.

She looks over a field and buys it,

    then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.

First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,

    rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.

She senses the worth of her work,

    is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,

    diligent in homemaking.

She’s quick to assist anyone in need,

    reaches out to help the poor.

She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;

    their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.

She makes her own clothing,

    and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her husband is greatly respected

    when he deliberates with the city fathers.

She designs gowns and sells them,

    brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.

Her clothes are well-made and elegant,

    and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,

    and she always says it kindly.

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,

    and keeps them all busy and productive.

Her children respect and bless her;

    her husband joins in with words of praise:

“Many women have done wonderful things,

    but you’ve outclassed them all!”

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.

    The woman to be admired and praised

    is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

Give her everything she deserves!

    Festoon her life with praises!"

Proverbs 31:10-31

 

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6. Do It Anyways.

I think that I touched on this earlier.  I am learning to do things for my Hubby for approval from the Lord, not for a response or to see my Hubby's actions. I am letting go of the competition.  

We all enter marriage with vows that speak unconditional love but we fall into the rut of Ill do for you if you do for me.  It is rather selfish, isn't it?  I am also an abuser of this mentality.  I have, however, righted my wrongs.  You should do things for your Husband because he is your Husband, not becuase of what he does (or doesnt do) for you.  If he isn't fulfilling his role as a Husband, well, that is between him and God, not him and you.  It is not our job to disclipline our spouse.  He is our best friend, or companion, teammate. 

This being said, it is always nicer to do things for someone when they notice and appreciate them, but it is learning to do them because you seek appreciation from the lord that you truly understand what it is to be obedient in serving the Lord.

7. Communicate.

I don't know how long it takes before you wake up on day and truly understand what it means to communicate, especially as a Woman.  I know that I get it know.  It took me forever.  I say what I mean and mean with I say.  Men do not have the same mentality as Woman, and no, this is not meant to be a SLAM.  This is the truth.  Woman tend to beat around the bush, say subtle little "hints" and expect Men to pick up on them and react.  Reality, if you want to go to a Movie, you don' t say, "Hey, Winter's Tale comes out on Friday."  You say, "Can we go see Winter's Tale on Friday.  It comes out then and I really want to see it."  This is reality. This is something that takes time and practice.  This is a KEY!  By using this method, you will cut down on those annoying fights where you were expecting him to say/act/hear something and he didn't so you get all upset.  

I mentioned that we are seeing each other in passing.  I have down days.  I have those lovely days when I feel like he is disconnecting with never seeing one another, barely being able to share what is happening in our lives with each other. (I hate how the mind works sometimes!)  Instead of beating around the bush, I tell my Hubby my insecurities.  I tell him that I feel like we live on different planets and he does something amazing. He listens.  He hears me out because I am being clear and communicating with him why I feel down, what my fears are and we work together to try to put my crazy mind at ease.  

Guess what, I listen too.  We T A L K.  Its crazy, right! 

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8. Remember the 80/20 Principle.

This Principle basically means that you married your spouse because he had about 80% of the qualities you wanted in a man.  Affairs happen when people are trying to seek out that other 20% where their spouse is lacking.  The thing is, they are throwing away the 80% they have by having an affair in the first place.  

If you were to stop and focus on those qualities that make up the 80% and his Strengths and Good you would be so much more happy.  If you stop trying to change him or nag him for the 20% missing in his qualities you would find and keep those things you love about him on the surface. 

I think that it is so important to remember the things that you first fell head over heels in love with your spouse.  Those are the memories that you will want ot share with your children and adventually, one of these days, a long time from now, their children. 

I also think it is important to realize that they feel for us for our 80% also and they find and focus on those 80% instead of the 20% we are short.

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9.Strive to Please Him.

It's amazing how I can hear you all from my computer chair. We are so selfish. We are stuck in a world where we think that we "deserve" so many things.  We do this without ever stopping and thinking about anyone else around us. 

Stop and think for a moment how Happy your Spouse would be if you cooked dinner that he liked, or do the things that he loves to do? When do you sacrafice with these small things? 

What if I told you that by doing these small sacrafices, you are helping his love grow deeper for you and it will return tenfold in some way?  

I think that in my own marriage, I have learned to do these small things, without keeping score, once again.  I mean this by making sure his laundry is done and folded in his dresser for work, making something for him to take for lunch. I also think it is important for me to take care of myself with exercise, and eating healthy.  Recently I got my hair cut.  He had said something to me about my hairspray addiction and rocking the pony tail everyday.  Yes, I had thought about a new style as it has been over 5 years with a P T everyday.  So, off to get my hair "did" and I came home 6" shorter with a style that left it impossible for me to get into a ponytail. I had some color put in for myself, but he loved it.  Plus, it made me feel good about myself too.  And in return, he keeps himself up also, to please me.

10. Cover him in Prayer.

I pray for my Hubby every single day.  He needs my prayers.  He had a lot on his shoulders and in order to stay strong, he needs my prayers to God.

**I am using http://www.butlerpartyof3.com/2012/07/being-godly-wife.html?m=1- as my basis of what a Godly Wife is.  Danielle has helped me with coming to the conclusion that I have many areas to work on and I believe this list is how I want to attain my journey to being a Godly Wife also.

I also think that on my Journey, these are words to live by:

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And on a side note, I mentioned that Intimacy is a battle in our house.  I read that on Average, Man and Wife should be consummating their relationship on average 4 times a week.  As I mentioned, we are lucky to get one with Hubby's day off on Sunday. This is something that I have been working hard on to make sure that no matter what, as my wifely duty, I make this happen.  It doesn't matter if I am tired, sick, not in the mood- - this is my duty as a Good/Godly Wife to serve my Hubby.  All that I can put forth is that when we are able to have our relationship take on the physical aspect, it is insane. It is just a battle to keep that type of insanity last a week....

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RECAP Notes: 

God designed marriage for, 1. Companionship and teamwork 2. Sacred intimacy/to refrain from sin 3. Procreation
A husband is to, 1. Be the leader of his household. 2. Bring in enough income for his family’s needs. 3. Finalize major decisions when it comes to his family, finances, and daily life. 4. Be a mirror image of Christ to his wife and children – love unconditionally. 5. Lead his wife and children into the love and will of the Lord. 6. Protect his family – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
A wife is to, 1. Be her husband’s helpmate. 2. Serve her husband and children with a gentle and quiet spirit. 3. Be a homemaker – tending to daily household chores and meals. 4. Be a teacher to and for her children. Mirroring the image of Christ to them and furthering their education. 5. Help provide for her family when time allows – never allowing herself to be idol. 6. Frugal in spending – always help provide for your family through creation of your own household items, or by saving money when extra money is available.

Thanks for Reading...

KEL...